International Army April 2020

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army April 2020

[outofchances]

Re: International Army April 2020

Happy Easter folks. There is a sign on the mirror in the room I'm staying in. It says "Everyday is a chance to change your life". Quite fitting

Edit: I've made an error of judgment. I sent my wife an email even though she wants no contact. No begging, no recriminations. More of a matter of fact mea culpa - a recognition of what I'd done. I felt it was important. But I didn't take into account her feelings. She said she wanted space. That wasn't giving her space. I should have resisted the urge to do that. Now my whatsapp has gone off. I'm afraid to look at it.

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army April 2020

Happy Easter folks. There is a sign on the mirror in the room I'm staying in. It says "Everyday is a chance to change your life". Quite fitting

Edit: I've made an error of judgment. I sent my wife an email even though she wants no contact. No begging, no recriminations. More of a matter of fact mea culpa - a recognition of what I'd done. I felt it was important. But I didn't take into account her feelings. She said she wanted space. That wasn't giving her space. I should have resisted the urge to do that. Now my whatsapp has gone off. I'm afraid to look at it.

Hiya Outy!

First of all, good to see you joined us again and a joyful Easter to you.

About the sign in your room - it is very true and appropriate to your user name. We all have another chance. To take better care of ourselves, to FIND ourselves again, to start living the life we were meant to live whether that be with our current/former spouses, or on our own at least for a while. We all have an inner strength that we don't know about until we test it. And believe me, we are very strong. And every day you stay sober is a testament to that inner strength.

As for e-mailing your wife. Separation, for whatever reason is never easy for either partner. And often we feel guilty and try to "right the wrong" before we should. Perhaps you were a bit hasty in sending the e-mail to your wife. I hope she replied in an understanding manner. After all, it is Easter Day for those celebrating. However.... one of the biggest problems IMVHO between couples is the lack of communication. We don't listen enough. We are too busy thinking of the answer we want to give to stop and fully understand what the other person is saying. We've all been guilty of it. Often in a situation where there is an alcoholic partner, the other one feels angry, betrayed, uncertain of the future and distrustful (this after many stops and starts by the drinking partner.) They need time to adjust to the new situation and you(we) need to give them time to do that while we give ourselves time to heal, time to become the person we can be and also to win our partner's trust back again. I hope I don't come off as preachy, it's just that having gone through all of that (as most of us here have) we know that time is needed on both sides. Perhaps a journal would be a better idea. Write down what you're feeling and what you'd like to say to her whenever you feel the need. Then, in the future, if you feel ready and our relationship is up to it, you can give it to her then so she can see how you were feeling and how genuinely you want to repair whatever damage has been done. All the best to you. First step is, as I said, take care of yourself. You can't care for others if you don't care for yourself ...

[outofchances]

Re: International Army April 2020

Thanks stirly. That's not too preachy at all - in fact you've hit the nail on the head there. My username relates to my marriage - it is indeed ending and I need to accept that and do it gracefully and get on with my recovery

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army April 2020

Evening all,
[MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION].............Stirly's given you sound advice there,
We have all done something regretful. I know I've said things I've wanted to put back in my mouth.
Think about further down the line when you've got four / five months and you can e-mail to say how you're doing, how you've done it, how you've found it.


We're having a curry delivered.............'they' keep saying to get your food delivered and we've taken to it like duck to water.

[outofchances]

Re: International Army April 2020

Emails are going back and forth. Amicable divorce is being discussed. I feel strangely relieved

[fickle]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good morning Army,
@ JackieClaire, Satz123, Molly, Stirly, Bridget, Tabbers, Mrs A, Mary, Outy, I have enjoyed reading back and thanks for the welcome.
@ Outy, great advice from Stirly.. sounds like you will be OK and I wish you luck with all my heart.
I have been away, working (nothing changes) and my kids grown up (so maybe it does haha) and strung together a lot of AF time. Biggest change for me started with a book called the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober (Catherine Gray) in which I learned a surprising amount on how the brain works. She also gives a list of other reading which has really helped me learn a great deal about my own brain. So, am very grateful I don’t need to so that stuff any more.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: International Army April 2020

Morning all, and a big hello Fickle, sorry I didn’t see you there.

[brit]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good morning everyone and a big shout out to Fickle and Outy.
Sunny day here but really cold.
A bit fed up with the Stay At Home being reinforced all the time by the government when Boris doesn't have to nor does his girlfriend. I won't even talk about the Queen, Prince Charles or the Scottish Medical officer of health. ( I need a run)

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: International Army April 2020

Fickle I loved that book. I read it late last year on a recommendation here and couldn't believe I hadn't read it before.

So pleased for your Mum Satz. In one week an elderly woman who is almost symptom free survives and a 29 year old nurse dies. You can't help but think it's to do with the total viral load (amount of virus exposed to)

I'll pass on the bench top, Stirly but Mary SOLD on the weeding swap for the painting. Any day!

Outy, I really feel for you. I can't agree more with what Stirly has said. The only way to stop losing what matters to you is give up the booze.

[IamMary]

Re: International Army April 2020

Morning, happy easter Monday. dont know where that lovely weather from Saturday has gone, but I suppose everyone is less likely to head to the beach, parks etc.
[MENTION=22839]brit[/MENTION], would you chance a 6am run? If you could guarantee not meeting anyone? I know we have said this to my folks too, but they wont take any chances.. but Ive seen a few over 70s and 80s out walking (theres a blanket ban here for anyone over 70, regardless of underlying conditions). I donno, Im weighing up the risk of getting Covid Vs mental health risk.

[MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION], did yesterday go ok? Have you a sober plan in place?

I have never read that book either [MENTION=4040]fickle[/MENTION], thanks for reminding me! how much AF time did you have and what happened? Dont feel you have to share that..

Off to do a bit of painting for Bridge... later..

[mollyka]

Re: International Army April 2020

Morning all - and special shout out to Fickle - great to see you indeed - and Outster…. I do know that it's recommended not to make any big changes in the first two years of sobriety - I don't know if that's an option for you marriage or not... your wife may be adamant - but my head and thoughts changed SO much in those first couple of years.. I was perfectly happy to jettison everything and everybody in the early days - - but as my sobriety 'stuck' and my family could see that.. they started treating me with more respect and our relationship grew again.... just a thought... I'm glad you aren't feeling overwhelmed by it tho… that's really important..
Very bored

[mollyka]

Re: International Army April 2020

Don't know about the run on the sly etc. for those cocooned Mary -- I feel we have to STRICTLY stick to every rule they give us - yes - one may be safe running in a quiet place at a quiet time - but someone else sees that and thinks it's ok and does similar maybe at not such a safe time or place... it's contagious -- they're all at it so why can't I? sort of thinking - sorry - just a bit hysterical about sticking by THESE rules -- not my usual forte!!

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good morning from yet another lovely day in Athens. Not as warm as yesterday and a bit cloudy but hey, Spring is defo here and that's what matters.

Thanks stirly. That's not too preachy at all - in fact you've hit the nail on the head there. My username relates to my marriage - it is indeed ending and I need to accept that and do it gracefully and get on with my recovery

Emails are going back and forth. Amicable divorce is being discussed. I feel strangely relieved

Outster…. I do know that it's recommended not to make any big changes in the first two years of sobriety - I don't know if that's an option for you marriage or not... your wife may be adamant - but my head and thoughts changed SO much in those first couple of years.. I was perfectly happy to jettison everything and everybody in the early days - - but as my sobriety 'stuck' and my family could see that.. they started treating me with more respect and our relationship grew again.... just a thought... I'm glad you aren't feeling overwhelmed by it tho… that's really important..
Very bored

Outy - what Molly says is highly recommended - no major changes til you get some decent sober time under your belt. However, in your case, since you have already made a change by moving out of your home, maybe that's exactly what you need to concentrate on your recovery - being out of a toxic situation. I'm glad you feel relieved and as Molls said, not overwhelmed by it all. Again, the best of luck to you. Getting and staying sober will be the best thing you ever did for yourself. Then you can get back to doing things for others.
[MENTION=22839]brit[/MENTION] I agree with Molls on the others wanting to imitate you and "break" the rules, although I do believe they are very strict in your case. I just can't see why older people can't be out for a walk (or run) if they keep their distance from others. Could you do an on-line excercise class - running on the spot, bends, lunges, that type of thing. Just a thought. Don't much like these restrictions, myself.....

[MENTION=9170]byebyebridgetjones[/MENTION] - got the silicone caulking removed and replaced. (In spite of no help whatsoever from the Army Ladies) Looks great - just have to leave it 24 hours to cure. Next project will be re-wiring the socket for my washing machine plug. Hopefully I can manage to get it wired properly and not burn out the machine the next time I put a wash in. I could call in an electrician but there's more suspense this way!!

Wishing you all a satisfactory week. I guess that's about as much as we can hope for.

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army April 2020

[MENTION=22839]brit[/MENTION]............you do sound fed up.........I can't find anything about running apart from 30 mins of exercise a day..............jogging for 30 mins in a park/field keeping to the ssocial disrancing..........the nutters swarming all over Hyde Park a couple of weeks ago nearly put the kibosh on that one.

When Mr JC took me for a walk..........I get 20 mins as I'm not a runner I kept checking my watch and when I saw my own front door did the last 100 metres faster than Usain Bolt.