International Army April 2020

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army April 2020

Morning and waves to the world,
I love the idea of a letter. I wish Mr. JC had been offered the chance.
[MENTION=11158]stirly-girly[/MENTION]............I was a loner as a child.......did have friends but much preferred playing by myself or just reading.............it was never high on my agenda. I have friends in the real world but much prefer to see them on their own as well not great gangs of them.

Tracked down a DVD box set of the Vicar of Dibley for the in-llaws. Bless them they don't have Netflix or Amazon Prime other stuff and they just about done to death BBCi player. When Mr. JC takes their grocery shop up this weekend he can take it up.

Better go make home the at home worker and ring the S&H.

[NoSugar]

Re: International Army April 2020

I just posted on the Sunday thread and I was thinking how different my life is today from what it was 5 years ago. Driving home the other day from work, I thought once again how grateful I am to be sober. How good it feels. I go to bed at night counting the hours til I can get up and start on a new day. Before, I counted the hours til I could have that first drink of the day that would lead, withing 1-1/2 hours, to me falling into bed drunk, usually almost comatose and waking up the next morning feeling so very tired and wondering how I was going to get through the day til that first drink. Trying to figure out if I had enough AL for that night or if I had to go to the supermarket to get some and usually bought other things I didn't need to cover up the fact that the bottle was really the only thing I wanted. God, how I hated that life. I am free from all of that. I am alive, not just existing and I am content. I know that no matter what life throws at me, I can get through it without having to block out or numb the pain. Life is good, even with all the ups and downs, life is good....

Thanks for this beautiful reminder, Stirly.

[fickle]

Re: International Army April 2020

Evening all,
Quick post before bed. Loving all the warmth and good sense I’m seeing here for you Chancey.
Thank you Stirly for the wonderful reminder and Bridget also for the earlier one about how at 11 months sober you don’t even think about it any more. Been pondering that and I hope it can be like that for me. I’m ending day 18 and still suffer most afternoons after work but intend to make it stick this time regardless. I do feel like Stirly describes 99% of the time. Am now adding the thought ‘Working with these people gets me plants - with a smiley emoticon’ to my mental toolbox – really needed that one today!
Satz, I hope your ladies recover OK. Agree with the ‘all in this together nod’ but you really are in it and more power to you :hug:
I did a 2 hour walk this morning and only managed 8k. Am hoping as I lose a bit of weight I will pick up speed and build up to 10k. I used to walk 6k in my lunch hour so I figure with practice I might get to 12k in 2 hours? Maybe something to work on.
Nighters everyone :love:

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Somebody mentioned weight loss during this. My wellness leader (formerly known as weight watchers) gets us to email her every week with a photo of the scales. All meetings cancelled until end of May so it is keeping me on track and even loosing a few pounds. It has become part of my routine on Wednesday mornings plus I eat a lot healthier when I am following the plan.

Oh God Rusty - I think I'll mention that to my leader. I've lost the plot & live on chocolate when I'm in work. I'd say I've put on 7lbs.

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Hiya
My project this week is to practice detachment from embuggerance. I don't like people but I'm going to have to work with them so that I can buy plants. I find my head full of irritated thoughts about other people (and that's in isolation!)
So helpful thought is: Working with these people gets me plants - with a smiley emoticon.

That made me laugh out loud ..... :haha:
My irritants get me new clothes & treats for Rosie ....

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army April 2020

Just calling in to say nighty night.
I'm getting a pneumonia jab next week...........because I am now officially ancient.
Don't know how the nurse is going to do it...............do I stand in the cat park while the nurse stands two metres away and throw it like a darts player..........we shall see.

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Just calling in to say nighty night.
I'm getting a pneumonia jab next week...........because I am now officially ancient.
Don't know how the nurse is going to do it...............do I stand in the cat park while the nurse stands two metres away and throw it like a darts player..........we shall see.

Maybe check if it's still happening ?
But she'll be in her full PPE Jacks. No risk at all.

If not tell her to feck off !!

[IamMary]

Re: International Army April 2020

Night All,

Back is still sore so Im just checking in (in other words am grumpy).
Mr M would happily retire early too.. He was so close to packing it all in just before this kicked off..
Take the free counselling Chancer, youve a lot going on.
Well done on all that walking Fickle!

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Where's that Mary wan ?
Missing 2 nights in a row ?
[MENTION=22411]IamMary[/MENTION] WTF are you ?

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

X post Mers :haha:

Sorry your back still at you - take care :hug:

[outofchances]

Re: International Army April 2020

Late night post for me. Thanks for all the support guys. Another mad day of it here. I started with texts that upset me - mainly because they spoke the truth. Didn't sleep last night until 4am after everything. SO I was wrecked today and depressed. So I didn't look after myself. I met a very stern wife who gave it too me straight between the eyes (well deserved) during a quick conversation which ended up with us deciding to go to court. Then more texts. I've deeply deeply upset her. She arrived down where I'm staying out of the blue. And then she left it all out. And I took it. She needed to say those things. Screaming at me was possibly not the most positive way to express her anger, but I think I was due it anyway.

Anyway, after all that she laid out her position in a calmer, more honest less confrontational manner. I explained my position, my intentions and gave reassurances I'd live up to my word (I always have done around this particular issue). More importantly we spoke like adults. We listened to each other and understood. We agreed on certain issues and agreed to compromise on others. We let out some emotions, cried a bit. And now a calm has descended. To be honest, we were always a fiery couple anyway.

I'm emotionally drained now, but content that I've done the right thing and that we can proceed without animosity. I also have finally gotten an apartment viewing tomorrow. I've made my first maintenance payment. Change is happening. I'd rather it wasn't and it makes me sad, but I'm ok with that.

Oh yeah, I didn't drink today either!

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good morning to all!!!

Oh yeah, I didn't drink today either!

Chancer, I am greatly impressed by the way both you and your wife handled the confrontation. That is, that you ended up having a civilized conversation. But the above is what impressed me most. Well done. Seriously, most people would have headed for the bottle. Great job!!!

Going to tackle some bookkeeping that I have been avoiding. "Make this a productive day". That is my mantra. Don't know how long it will last. Can't abide bookkeeping in any form. I'd rather eat a bag of hair as [MENTION=9170]byebyebridgetjones[/MENTION] would say.

Wishing you all a good day!!!

Edited to add - where is the Molly-wan?

[rustop59]

Re: International Army April 2020

Good morning everyone. Delighted you managed civilised conversation with ex Chancy and more importantly did not drink. If you can stay Alcohol free with all that is going on you will really reap the benefits when things start to improve. Fingers crossed re the apartment.

Sorry about the back Mary, could be all the weed pulling. My arms were aching yesterday after pulling briars and ivy. Hate book work too Stirly but great sense of satisfaction when you get those type of things out of the way. :hug: Molly hope you and yours are ok. Waves to everyone else. Today is grocery shopping day, hate it.

[fickle]

Re: International Army April 2020

I’ve been pondering the difference of my current state and past state. Past was a daily struggle between trying to survive, the stress burden I was under, and trying to manage it all from a constantly exhausted state. My expectation of myself that I should be able to manage, in hindsight was just dumb. Looking back, I was living life in a 2 dimensional black/white mechanical nightmare. There was no space between things for me. I put a lot of the pressure on myself by expecting I should just handle it. Work, ‘relief’, recover, work, ‘relief’, recover, with less and less energy each time I went round and round.
Being AF brings more space. The more days you get the more you open up to other states of mind, observe the day, the garden, reflect on things, sleep, review things, walk, read, write, rediscover forgotten hidden corners of who you are when you are not embattled. You are not that bad actually.
I am out of the grip now of whatever it was that kept my life so flat and cheerless. There is definitely a way forward, it’s just hard to see it at first, especially if you are still working your way out of the battle. Best thing to do is find whatever stillness you can in any part of your day and let yourself be. The future is bright!

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: International Army April 2020

It is indeed bright [MENTION=4040]fickle[/MENTION]
House is all cleaned up after 'work' today, so reading back :happy2: