International Army April 2020

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army April 2020

[MENTION=11158]stirly-girly[/MENTION].............beetroot..........:heartbeat:
I put chopped up bacon in my mac and cheese...........so it could be breakfast as well.

Just a sore arm from the jab unfortunately Mr. JC has a black eye when I thumped him for nudging me in that arm...........so there has been a casualty.

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army April 2020

I found it essential (for me) to talk openly to my family about what was 'then' and what is 'now' ..it improved our relationships tenfold tbh..and instead of a ' bit of a muddle' in the past....the way my parents dealt with things..it was fully discussable.. but as I say always...just me!! My kids ALL come openly to me with their own probs and worries...mind you..that's a mixed blessing!

I'm honest with my kids..........they lived through it. They're very proud of me now. The awful thing is I never realised that sometimes they dreaded bringing mates home because they weren't sure what state I'd be in. That was hard to hear but we've talked about it. The relationship we have now is open and honest and my biggest cheerleaders.

"Thieves, alcoholics, adulterers, killers in short all types of sinners"

I guess this is what holds me back. Something like this was posted a while ago on FB. It's the stigma. We're all lumped together with the others. Not the sinner part - I'm not especially religious - it's just that we've been put all together in the same group. Younger son has told me how much he admires me for the fact that I stopped drinking on my own. In his words - there are others who drink too much and they keep on doing it til they die from it. You were strong and you stopped. A few years ago his former spouse went out for drinks with her mother and her brother's girlfriend. I was among the people discussed by my former DIL and her mother. Former DIL told the other girl that I was an alcoholic. Word got back to younger son and he was furious that first, they had been discussing me in a not so positive fashion with someone who did not know me at the time and secondly, that I had been "labelled". He was livid and demanded that she apologize to me for what she said. Needless to say, that never happened. But there is that stigma here in Greece and very little if any, understanding or empathy towards addictions. Former Mr. Stirly has an alcoholic cousin who has been in and out of rehab many times but is still drinking. He is referred to as "K - the drunk". No amount of talking to him would ever make him understand what it means to be addicted and how hard it is on us alkies when we drink, because it is. It is psychologically crippling, IMO. So I would never even try to have a conversation with him. And I believe that my older son would adopt the stigma as well and perhaps be disgusted that his mother is an "alkie". I don't know if he could understand what it takes to get sober and realize what it means that I will be 5 years sober in October. As for his wife - if she was to hear that I admitted to being an alcoholic, she would love to have that to use against me and I will never, ever give her that pleasure. So that's where I stand right about now.

[mollyka]

Re: International Army April 2020

"Thieves, alcoholics, adulterers, killers in short all types of sinners"

I guess this is what holds me back. Something like this was posted a while ago on FB. It's the stigma. We're all lumped together with the others. Not the sinner part - I'm not especially religious - it's just that we've been put all together in the same group. Younger son has told me how much he admires me for the fact that I stopped drinking on my own. In his words - there are others who drink too much and they keep on doing it til they die from it. You were strong and you stopped. A few years ago his former spouse went out for drinks with her mother and her brother's girlfriend. I was among the people discussed by my former DIL and her mother. Former DIL told the other girl that I was an alcoholic. Word got back to younger son and he was furious that first, they had been discussing me in a not so positive fashion with someone who did not know me at the time and secondly, that I had been "labelled". He was livid and demanded that she apologize to me for what she said. Needless to say, that never happened. But there is that stigma here in Greece and very little if any, understanding or empathy towards addictions. Former Mr. Stirly has an alcoholic cousin who has been in and out of rehab many times but is still drinking. He is referred to as "K - the drunk". No amount of talking to him would ever make him understand what it means to be addicted and how hard it is on us alkies when we drink, because it is. It is psychologically crippling, IMO. So I would never even try to have a conversation with him. And I believe that my older son would adopt the stigma as well and perhaps be disgusted that his mother is an "alkie". I don't know if he could understand what it takes to get sober and realize what it means that I will be 5 years sober in October. As for his wife - if she was to hear that I admitted to being an alcoholic, she would love to have that to use against me and I will never, ever give her that pleasure. So that's where I stand right about now.

d'ya know Stirly -- I fully understand what you are saying -- and yes -- there are people in my 'world' that I do not want to know about my addiction.. mainly people I work with - like you - I used to hear about a man over in another branch and was always described as 'MAD -- an alcoholic you know' with that knowledgeable nod.... so no - I wouldn't leave myself open to that.. ever.. BUT -- I have a very small circle of family and friends... don't have hanger-onners -- so anyone I care about 'knows' -- and the VAST majority sort of shrugged and had the attitude -- 'cudda been me' --
When I was in treatment - I had to do a written project and the title was 'shame' -- thought it would be a doddle -- but omg it wasn't -- eventually through many tears and snots completed it and gave it to my councillor... he loved the honesty of it... and told me that if I went onwards into my life with a lingering underlying sense of shame it could topple me down the line - it would stop me becoming a healthy confident proud person.. the saying goes 'you are as sick as your deepest secret' -- so no - it can't be a secret for me -- if I hide it away -- whereas I don't in any way hide the fact that I quit cigarettes some years ago -- that shame is underlying -- and -- to me -- dangerous -- but please please please don't come bouncing at me - it's ME I'm talking about -- I know all the arguments - but I'm doing what's right for me -- the people I work with who have become friends -- they all have known for years... the rest -- don't matter a jot!

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army April 2020

and told me that if I went onwards into my life with a lingering underlying sense of shame it could topple me down the line - it would stop me becoming a healthy confident proud person.. the saying goes 'you are as sick as your deepest secret' -- so no - it can't be a secret for me -- if I hide it away -- whereas I don't in any way hide the fact that I quit cigarettes some years ago -- that shame is underlying -- and -- to me -- dangerous -- but please please please don't come bouncing at me - it's ME I'm talking about -- I know all the arguments - but I'm doing what's right for me -- the people I work with who have become friends -- they all have known for years... the rest -- don't matter a jot!

Molls, I'm not ashamed that I am an alcoholic. To me it's something in my genes that I believe I inherited from both sides of my family. It's not something I asked for or went looking for. It's just the way I am. Same as my black hair, freckles and big feet - they are all a part of me. It's about the others who don't and won't understand. I simply could not stand a derisive look or comment from my own family members now about something that is a part of me but a part of my past. That's what would be so difficult for me. I'm not really hiding something - I'm just not being open about it with people who could use it against me in whatever way they choose. In fact I have often thought that when I finally stop working in the family business and have the time, that I would love to volunteer in some counseling group for alcoholics to help people who are where I have been.

[mollyka]

Re: International Army April 2020

Laughing at myself here...read your whole post (and as I say I fully understand) but the bit that mainly resonated with me was that you've big feet:congratulatory:..I have HUGE feet...would swop a lotto win to have normal feet:victorious:

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army April 2020

Laughing at myself here...read your whole post (and as I say I fully understand) but the bit that mainly resonated with me was that you've big feet:congratulatory:..I have HUGE feet...would swop a lotto win to have normal feet:victorious:

Nah - normal is boring, Molls. I love being different - always have. I know you probably have a problem getting shoes you like to fit you tho'. My Mom wears a size 42 or maybe 42-1/2. Always had to buy custom-made shoes. And I remember as a child opening her closet to see a rainbow of colours. She didn't care that her feet were long and narrow and her shoes looked like banana boats (her expression) - she had shoes in every colour and style. And matching handbages. Told me she once gave a whole month's pay for this little red purse to match her pumps. She's still like that at almost 90. A real fashionista!!!

[outofchances]

Re: International Army April 2020

[MENTION=11158]stirly-girly[/MENTION]; [MENTION=8529]mollyka[/MENTION] - If I was brave enough I'd tell everyone and they could take me as I am or leave me alone. But life doesn't quite work like that. So for my close work colleagues it will just be "I'm off it for a bit". Family know all. As for everyone else - quite frankly it's none of their business. I'm not ashamed that I have an addiction/addictions. I am ashamed of the things I did while active/under the influence. The same goes for my mental health issues. The family know because I need there support. My direct supervisor at work gets to know there's an issue - due to needing some time off a few months ago. As for everyone else - see above. It was something I was a bit ashamed of, and I felt like I wasn't letting people get to know the "real me". But as the years passed I realised it was a health issue, and that is private and I'm not obliged to tell anyone anything.

[mollyka]

Re: International Army April 2020

yup mine the same size as yer mam! no problem nowadays PTL.... I buy most shoes online anyway - and there's heaps of sites - achully - they go up to about 46-47 for women.... there's a woman I work with - she's really tall... WAY taller than me and she was asking me where I got my shoes - I told her one of the best websites and added 'they even have MAD HUGE sizes - ' -- yeah then she told me that's how big HER feet were -- morto I was!! -- couldn't give a rats now but when I was a wee one - just felt like a freak!!

[mollyka]

Re: International Army April 2020

xpost Mr Chancer!!! As I said - it's completely and utterly a personal choice - but for me - there was no choice - I knew that it would have been shame that stopped me being open about my addiction -- and I know I've helped people along the way who also had tackled problems or knew they would have to... just by being open... so yeah - whatever floats your boat

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

I got stopped by the guards this morning, coming home from the butchers. Such excitement.

:haha:

[MENTION=22411]IamMary[/MENTION] I'm SO jealous. :rant:
I travel most days with my HEALTHCARE WORKER & NHI letter emblazoned on the dashboard & have yet to meet a shaggin' checkpoint.
'Course it's at 9.30am they are probably all still in their jarmers drinking mugs of tea !

[paulywogg]

Re: International Army April 2020

Hello Army, excellent posts what is a size 46-47 in US sizes? I'm imagining really huge shoes haha, [MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION],what a great post and fabulous that you talked to your kids, trust me they'll forgive you and your relationship with them will be stronger than ever after being sober for awhile and they see you putting in the effort, I had alot of repairs to do with my four kids but now we're closer than ever, you seem like you're really taking this seriously and I am proud to read your posts Stirly and Molly, I am conflicted about the alcoholic label, I know I do it myself when I know someone is a problem drinker-make assumptions that may or may not be true, I don't like that done with me! Jackie, I had a laugh when your son asked why so many alkies on your Facebook, I get it from my kids like who the hell is such and such haha, I say that's my anti alcohol friend from such and such, I like that we're all so different yet still the same and I'm proud to call you all friends, hope everyone has a wonderful day!

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Molls, I'm not ashamed that I am an alcoholic. To me it's something in my genes that I believe I inherited from both sides of my family. It's not something I asked for or went looking for. It's just the way I am. Same as my black hair, freckles and big feet - they are all a part of me. It's about the others who don't and won't understand. I simply could not stand a derisive look or comment from my own family members now about something that is a part of me but a part of my past. That's what would be so difficult for me. I'm not really hiding something - I'm just not being open about it with people who could use it against me in whatever way they choose. In fact I have often thought that when I finally stop working in the family business and have the time, that I would love to volunteer in some counseling group for alcoholics to help people who are where I have been.

We had this discussion before on here. And I agree with Stirls for the same reasons. It has nothing to do with being honest.
I am actually PROUD to have stopped drinking - but I don't feel the need to tell everyone. Feck that for a lark. Not in this country - it is still seen as a weakness.
No-one's f*cking business. I refuse to have people label me - and they will - maybe not alcoholic but I KNOW if I were to say I HAD TO quit - a lot of people would love to discuss it in depth over wine.
"why did she stop drinking ? - oh she had a problem apparently" "yeah she did drink a lot" .........

I can hear it !

I know my daughter told all her friends (adults now) I can feel it. Last time we were all out - for her birthday - a drink was put in front of me by mistake and one of them WHIPPED it away - FFS !!

So I couldn't stop her telling her friends but I will not discuss it with them unless they are interested enough to ask ME. No need. None of their business the reason I've chosen to stop drinking alcohol 7 years ago.
BUT : If someone were to ask me with genuine interest - perhaps because they are in the same boat - I would gladly discuss it....

This is just ME - I cannot stand the idea of being discussed by anyone while I am not there.....

[satz123]

Re: International Army April 2020

Hello Army, excellent posts what is a size 46-47 in US sizes? I'm imagining really huge shoes haha, [MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION],what a great post and fabulous that you talked to your kids, trust me they'll forgive you and your relationship with them will be stronger than ever after being sober for awhile and they see you putting in the effort, I had alot of repairs to do with my four kids but now we're closer than ever, you seem like you're really taking this seriously and I am proud to read your posts Stirly and Molly, I am conflicted about the alcoholic label, I know I do it myself when I know someone is a problem drinker-make assumptions that may or may not be true, I don't like that done with me! Jackie, I had a laugh when your son asked why so many alkies on your Facebook, I get it from my kids like who the hell is such and such haha, I say that's my anti alcohol friend from such and such, I like that we're all so different yet still the same and I'm proud to call you all friends, hope everyone has a wonderful day!

:hug::hug:

42.5 = only a 9 US
Hardly canal boats [MENTION=11158]stirly-girly[/MENTION]

46 / 47 is size 13 US

[paulywogg]

Re: International Army April 2020

I'm a 9 shoe size Satz and my mom acts like my feet are huuuge!

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army April 2020

:hug::hug:

42.5 = only a 9 US
Hardly canal boats [MENTION=11158]stirly-girly[/MENTION]

46 / 47 is size 13 US

Banana boats - my Mom's words. And back then - late 50's - her shoe size was considered very large. Her feet are also very narrow so thus the "boat" comment.

I'm a 9 shoe size Satz and my mom acts like my feet are huuuge!

Great to see you Pauly and to know that you have repaired your relationship with your kids. I know you are doing really well as far as not drinking and you should be really proud of yourself. I wonder if you saw my comments earlier about the hair salons opening here next week. They are not allowed to use blow dryers for fear of spreading germs/bacteria from one client to another. FFS. How ya gonna get yer hair dry after it's cut and coloured? Sit there for an hour fluffing it? And how will they style it? I think there will be a lot of improvisation done as far as hair goes!!