International Army August 2020

[Guitarista]

Re: International Army August 2020

Happy birthday Molly! :horn::dancin::sendflowers:

Great post Fickstar!

[NoSugar]

Re: International Army August 2020

Fickle, I loved your post and think you've figured out what took me ages and ages to learn. Cravings are nothing more than thoughts we give our attention to, with the uncomfortable and sometimes desperate feelings that follow. Given that we don't act on most of the zillion thoughts we have (thank goodness!), we can acknowledge our alcohol thought and just let it go. No need to give it attention and end up feeling bad. None of it is real or means anything until we focus, follow, and act. I used to worry when drinking crossed my mind. Now I just see it as a pretty natural idea to pop into a former addict's head. I'm only concerned now when I find myself playing with the thought and trying to justify that it would be ok. Luckily that doesn't happen much anymore because I've sort of trained myself to respond (to myself) with a quick 'But I don't drink'.

Tabbers, I've been thinking about your spider's web and I think you're right. Something that we think is bad/dangerous can actually be the opposite. That approach is what is helping me get through the current US political situation and COVID, both of which I consider terrible. But:
Trump has already unleashed the MeToo and BLM movements. Without him, the injustices would have continued in silence. Now we are finally talking about them. His administration has revealed institutional weaknesses that have shocked most of us. Now we know they need to be fixed. COVID has clearly revealed inequities in the US health care system that we always knew were there but often were able to ignore. I hope we aren't able to do that any longer. Right now we are trapped in a toxic web of corruption, greed, and disease but I believe it is possible that ultimately, we can be stronger and fairer than we would have been without these huge challenges.

[mollyka]

Re: International Army August 2020

Thanks Jacks and Mary and G'man!

Evening everyone - lovely day here -- that is all

[satz123]

Re: International Army August 2020

...........the way I was feeling there was not enough alcohol on this planet that would have stopped the anxiety............it would just lead to more anxiety and the shame and the tears and the lying and the hiding ..........instead I knitted 10 teddybears like a mad woman and we get water out of the tap.

Jacks. I hate to think of you suffering like that. :hug: You shouldn't have to.
Can you not get something from the doctor to help.

Yes you are addict but now you want help with your anxiety - 'cos if you were not the strong woman you are you'd be opening those bottles. It's just not fair.
I think you said you are changing doctors ?

Go and demand meds or referral for CBT maybe? You are 10 years sober now - tell them to f*ck off you are an adult , you know how to handle things.

Does coffee affect you ? Do you drink much ?
One thing I've noticed as I got older I can't tolerate caffeine any more. It's the only time I feel a sort of anxiety - nothing as bad as yours but an awful feeling.

[brit]

Re: International Army August 2020

Happy birthday Lovely Molly!

My granddaughter was 18 today so we had a little party. Celebrating getting her A levels which were downgraded from A to B because she does not go to a posh school just a sixth form college. Anyway she needed 3 A's and got 3 B's The college have already started the appeal. Good news is that The University have accepted her on her predicted grades.
Mr A continues to go downhill -- Finding it very hard for both of us.
Getting out for gentle runs at 6 am That helps immensely

[satz123]

Re: International Army August 2020

MOLLY:

[satz123]

Re: International Army August 2020

Happy birthday Lovely Molly!

My granddaughter was 18 today so we had a little party. Celebrating getting her A levels which were downgraded from A to B because she does not go to a posh school just a sixth form college. Anyway she needed 3 A's and got 3 B's The college have already started the appeal. Good news is that The University have accepted her on her predicted grades.
Mr A continues to go downhill -- Finding it very hard for both of us.
Getting out for gentle runs at 6 am That helps immensely

[MENTION=22839]brit[/MENTION] :hug::hug:

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army August 2020

[MENTION=22839]brit[/MENTION].............bless your heart, i can't imagine what you're going through just know we're by your side. :hug: Good news about the granddaughter, though.
My cousin's three kids go to posh schools........keep an eye out for the merry Hell that will be breaking in September.

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION].......you are a sweetheart, :hug:
I'm okay now.......that was in the early days. I've a relaxation app on my phone and some days it is a case putting on my big girls pants and ploughing through.
This doctor's practice.............one that I been with since I was a bump in my mum's tummy has changed in the last four years beyond belief in just four years since my doctor retired.
And yes I appreciate they're busy with the virus but they were appalling before.....like some kind of demi-gods.....and out of shear loyalty I stuck with them........and tbh they're crap.
We will be moving at warp speed to the practice up the road once I get my eyeball appointment if not sooner. We've heard some good things about them and once we're nice and settled in the new practice I'll be letting the old practice exactly why know exactly why we left.

Right going to do a bit of shouting.

[IamMary]

Re: International Army August 2020

Just sat down for some mindless telly and now you all have me in deep philosophical thought :egad:
Xposts everyone.
Spiders web post was excellent NS.

[MENTION=22839]brit[/MENTION], good to see you, glad your getting your run in, it will keep you sane. Did you get an app for Mr A for some tests?
Predicted grades here too, but not out for a few weeks yet.
Interesting court case going on with a guy who is home schooled by his mother, but the dept of ed. wont accept a parents predicted grades. By all accounts, hes a genius, along with all his siblings.

Deep thoughts floated away, back to some rubbish on netflix that young fickle would approve of :happy2:

Night all. x

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: International Army August 2020

Happy Birthday Molly!

And big hugs to all who would like one. You'll be glad to see the end of this year Brit, I imagine.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: International Army August 2020

Thank god I did all that reading about the different parts of the brain and why you get that little voice urging you to drink. It really helped me in that moment. It helped me to turn to the sensible voice like a big sister and listen when it said ‘have some icecream and go to bed’.

Today I am going to put all other thoughts out of my head and plan my way out of these sugar cravings. If I have to go strict keto again for a week, then so be it. I can't afford to let myself get that vulnerable again.

That's exactly where I am at today.
I awoke the Kracken again.

This is how my sugar addiction is working:

Once I start, I can't stop
I know it is damaging but keep mainlining it anyway
Causes mood changes-better for a short time, then rapidly takes a turn for the worse. Rinse. Repeat.
I hide it around the house
I hide the packaging inside other packaging
I am embarrassed about my lack of control and feel like a 5 year old sneaking into the pantry
It is damaging my body in obvious ways but I can't pull up
I get cravings-even stronger that alcohol cravings
When I get stressed the cravings kick in immediately and powerfully
Every day I plan to give up sugar and every day I fail
It makes me feel like crap but I still eat it
I plan 'scoring' trips to the supermarket and obsess about it
I've now limited my sugar sources to the same things/products but eat huge quantities of each


Remind you of anything?

[fickle]

Re: International Army August 2020

Happy Birthday Molly! :balloons:

Wonderful post [MENTION=4040]fickle[/MENTION] Just one simple question : do you eat fruit?

Not generally at the moment because I'm in a stage where I need to starve the sugar cravings out so that is no sugar, but later on, generally its fine to have low sugar fruits like berries. I am a huge fan of things cooked with apple or pears and its ok to have a little bit with yoghurt. I've had to give up all the cakey things made with sugar but I have learned how to make almond flour based cakes with stevia. It just becomes a lifestyle thing so say, at a morning tea, I would eat the cheese, fruit and sliced meat but stay away from the baked goods, dips and lollies.

[MENTION=9170]byebyebridgetjones[/MENTION] that is exactly what I found. Sometimes I think alcohol was just my way of getting sugar. It's just amazing how powerful the craving is if you give in to it.
I'm off to get some eggs and sausages. I think the white sugar hits me way worse than any little bit of fruit possibly could. I will now avoid all asian food in restaurants. I'm going back to lots of eggs, cheese, walnuts and meat for a few days until the kraken is sleeping again. Do you think you could quit if you make a strategy and treat it as if it is a drug? Can you enlist the help of your family to remove it from the house? Once you have starved it out, like booze, you can look at it and not care.. It just doesn't matter any more :hug:

[fickle]

Re: International Army August 2020

Thought I should share some of my preparations to get through this week in case it is useful for you Bridget.

1. Make a box of salad (celery finely diced, grated carrot, continental parsley finely diced, wombok thinly sliced) Paul Newman's classic vinagrette is lowest sugar dressing on the market.
2. Make a box of pre-cut broccoli & cauliflower to have in the fridge for super-quick steamed veg in the evenings.
3. Have bottles of my fave rasberry kombucha in the fridge in case I want an evening drink
4. Have bags of almonds and walnuts in the cupboard for snacking (I take little containers of nuts with me everywhere, keep them in my desk etc)
6. Ensure cupboard stocked with coffee pods for morning coffee, plenty of tea, decaf coffee, Rooibos tea (also decaf), peppermint tea
7. Have eggs, sour cream, psyllium, ham and plenty of cheese in the fridge
8. Have a stock of quick easy proteins in the fridge like lambchop, sausage, fish or whatever and marinate in advance to minimise meal prep time.
9. Grab a box of my fave sweet treat Quest bar from Chemist Warehouse (Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough is the best). This is a once-a-day treat because quite high in calories.
10. Have a couple of boxes of sugar-free icecream in the freezer.

With all that, I am set. I find my weakest moment is when I come home from work. I have a lot of anxiety around the kitchen. I am tired and hangry so the faster I can get food into me the better. If I’m feeling really emotional I’ll put on the pot of water for steaming veg, get some kombucha and go sit on the couch to calm down. I figure out whats for dinner then make it quickly and eat it. If I’m still hungry I have a bowl of salad. I eat this like a highschool kid eating nutragrain.. in a big bowl on the couch with a fork. I notice the sweetness of the carrot and savour as I’m eating it thinking how good it makes my tummy feel. The sugar-free icecream is also a really good way to put a full-stop on an emotional state before bed. While fasting, I never eat after 8pm so always try to have my icecream about an hour after dinner before bed. From 8pm I’m a peppermint tea drinker.

Resting the digestion between 8pm and 12pm each day is not that difficult. I have my morning coffee black 6-7am and teas after that. Being busy with work means the appetite isn’t much of an issue. I like to have a packed lunch of salad & protein, then a quest bar treat with a milky decaf coffee. Almonds any time if needed. I’m fine with that till dinner time.

Learning to do intermittent fasting is also really helpful. It is a practice of urge surfing – listening to the little lizard voice saying ‘eat’ then thinking ‘am I actually hungry? How is my tummy feelng? Yes - almonds. No - how about a cuppa instead.’ Making sure you have plenty of the right things to eat at the right time, means you aren’t hungry. Practicing hearing the lizard voice and not acting on it, is reinforcing your strength and self-satisfaction every time.

In the early days, don't think about calories. Eggs, nuts, cheese and bacon are king. While sugar addicted, you are constantly starving. That is what feels so frightening and out of control. After about a week of eating this way, sugar cravings will lessen and you will feel less driven by hunger. Once your appetite settles down and its easier to have less nuts and cheese. But initially they are important hunger busters.

[rustop59]

Re: International Army August 2020

Good morning everyone and belated happy birthday Molly. Had a lovely relaxing week away. Walked, read, crocheted. Good to have a change of scene and get away from the house. Need to have a read back and catch up on all that has been happening. Work in the morning and a mountain of laundry to get through first.

[mollyka]

Re: International Army August 2020

ah welcome back Rusters!!! We missed you! Glad you had a good time... can't remember - were you staying in self- catering or hotel or wha? I don't think I'll bother with hotels etc for a long time - hoping to rent a wee cottage or something over west in Sept... should be cheap as chips if the kids manage to get back to school.

Whizzy -- I'm thinking of you every day - it really puts all our nonsense trivial little problems into context... all you can do lovely lady is to keep reaching out for any help you can get - including self help - if that involves time out to run/walk -- go do it.. you'll be far more use to MrA if you are mentally strong.... just don't feel alone... sending serious hugs your way xxxx

Re. the sugar stuff -- all I know is that back when I had an eating disorder I quit 'sweet' completely -- including all fake sugar -- saccharine back then -- whatever they are called now -- and honey and stevia and raisins --- EVERYTHING --- and I drank pure lemon juice twice daily -- couldn't tolerate ANYTHING sweet for 30 years..... but looking back the key to that was cutting out the 'sugar free' options -- dangerous as shit imo.

Going to have a lovely lazy day today -- all familied out for the last while - so yeah - just me and the aul lad -- and I think he's going walking -- happy out!