My journey

[karma7171]

My journey

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I am not AF most days. But I do not drink like a crazy woman (5 lite beers on ice), act stupid, it no longer affects the way I behave in a negative way and not a trace of a hangover...not even thirsty in the am. Not to mention...I don't miss my friends guilt, shame and remorse. And there is no obession about it like there was in the past. None.

Natural Highs...Hyla Cass. She does have a web site...but the site does not do the book justice. It has become my new bible.

Since Monday 5-htp 100mg 3x a day. She explains it in the book, but it is also a mind expanding supplement. Which can account for the fact I have had more ideas for work in 4 days than I had in 9 years. In 4 days I now have a plan that will bring close to a 1/2 million dollars to the company. Talk about mind expanding!

I tried to get off of anti-depressants for close to 2 years. I would dose down ever so slowly to hit a wall and be CONVINCED I needed them so I would dose back up. I know what you are talking about. But literally in 2 months I was off of them painlessly. When I felt the black hole coming that even the supplement "Symphora" did not help...I would listen to a Kelly Howell and in 30 minutes I was almost feeling "bliss".

I know about the Kava...I did ALOT of research into it. Kava has way less potential to do my liver harm than the Zoloft. But I only took it that one day....5-htp did more for me.

I won't touch AA. I went through the ups and downs of it. All I can say is that at my most up point in AA, I did not feel as good as I do now...not even close. In the big picture it ended up doing more harm to me than good. That is why I broke all ties with it. I think that many are well intentioned...but well intentioned did not equal good for me in the big picture of things.

Karma

[rachel28]

My journey

i really need 2 read these properly 2morr, its 2am, brain not workin quite right, but what i took in all sounds like advice i need, an ill remember in morning cos im not pissed yeah!

[SKendall]

My journey

Thanks Karma for posting and sharing. I really appreciate it.:h :h

[imatree]

My journey

Karma, it is wonderful that you have shared all this. As you know, i dropped my antiD like a hot potato - it's been 13 days now. It's not been great, but not awful either. I have upped supps, many that you mention, but haven't been as regular about it as I should. And I've still been drinking too much. But you inspire me.... as in my brain thinks, "Hey stubborn ole mule, those supps really CAN make a difference! You say you want to change, then do what you know in your heart needs to be done!!!"

muchlovetoyou

[karma7171]

My journey

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Imatree...getting off them can be so hard. It really should not be a struggle and strain though. But I did dose down and struggle and strain so much that I would just dose back up. Just know that if you do....it only makes the road longer...for me it happened easily and painlessly when I started the "Symphora".

I am still pissed to no end that the doc who dosed me up so high...was the one that sent me to AA when I told him I had a drinking problem. And then of course everyone in AA backed him up. I was so headed down the wrong path for so long.

I took very few supplements today and didn't take any 5-htp. My brain needed a break almost. Instead up being up at night with worry and anxiety...I was up with great ideas flooding in. As much as I love that...I did need it to slow down. Just too freaking catch up to them.

But I took the supps I felt I needed when I could feel I needed them...rather than on a schedule. For me now they work quickly. Now I know what I need when based on what my body tells me.

Still no obsession. Rather than getting more to drink...I keep having to get ice cubes to make it cold again.

Anyone here who has followed my awful journey knows that I went through so many ups and downs with abs. The more I would try to be abs...the worse the relapse. I no longer strive for abs....somehow I think it will happen naturally. If not I am ok with that too. Since the downsides of drinking have literally disappeared...my idea of what I need is different. For along time I KNEW that abs was the only way...but then I would relapse into hell. And if I see hell on the horizon...I will move quickly to change what I am doing. But will NEVER go to AA and have them tell me a bunch of crap again! Crap that did me so much harm...no wonder 95% fail. Now I am thankful that I was a failure at that, because it gave me my life back.

Karma

[lucky 2.0]

My journey

Karma,

You do have a new brain! I can tell.

[karma7171]

My journey

New Brain

I used to swear that an alien would show up and over take me. Now it is like I showed up to the game. I swear the harder you struggle the stronger it becomes.

That voice in my head, I am still wondering where he decided to run off too. He can stay there though!

Karma

[SKendall]

My journey

Hi Karma, I've been very responsive to your posts, and I'm delighted that it's working out for you. Wow. I thank you for sharing this with us. Do you feel that you are the person who used to post under D., or that you are a wholly new person who has fought the demon. I think you are inspiring. Please p.m.me if you get a chance on your remarkable recovery.

[karma7171]

My journey

Discovery

No she left too. She was a person who had no idea who she was or what she thought. Discovery was very vunerable to a lot of things. Karma...well, she believes that if she walks out in life with a light beaming on others...it only beams back brighter.

In Natural Highs...she talks about forgetting and shedding that old person. Now I know what she means...it is if Discovery never existed. In AA they would like her to live on...I chose to let her go.

Karam

[karma7171]

My journey

Just want to let you know

My hubby and I have been the works for a big move and it is finally coming together. I will not be able to check in very much nor do I feel that I have more to add. Many have seen my battle....it is now no longer a battle. I do not why it changed or why it happened to me. But I am more well than I have been in my life.

I know that I will not be able to check in from here on out for a long time. I wish everyone the best. We will be shutting down all our local systems 2-morrow...so if I don't PM or answer back...it it not personal.

Karma

[paguy]

My journey

Any Links Between Lexapro and Drinking?

This was a very interesting thread for me to read. I was not aware of links between AD drugs and increasing the desire to drink. For the last 2 years, I have been taking 10mg / day of lexapro for generalized anxiety disorder. During this past year, I experienced the loss of a close family member and began experiencing more moderate depression. Recently, my doctor increased my dosage to 20 mg/day. Coincidentally, my drinking got more out of control since I started taking the lexapro 2 years ago.

I am AF for 3 days now.... I know it will be a long journey but am curious to know if the lexapro is helping or hurting me on this journey.

John

[karma7171]

My journey

Only you will know

I know that for me because it happened so slowly I did not connect the two. And when I would try to dose down on the Zoloft...I would do well...and then hit a brick wall and dose back up. This went on for close to 5 years. Now I can look back and know that those were my most miserable 5 years with this thing. I am only providing information. But know that it is information that your doc doesn't give you....whether they know or not I don't know. All I know is the same doc who dosed me up to 4x the level that clinical trials showed a benefit for Zoloft...was the same one who shot me off to AA. I look back now and think that it is interesting that he would write me scripts for AD...and continued to after he knew I had a drinking problem, but threw his hands in the air and sent me to AA. Which for me in the big picture was the worst medicine ever.

It is all info...that book not only changed my life, but saved it and gave me one. That person I always knew was inside...has come out. The person that I was is gone. That is all I know.

We are leaving tomorrow to make a big trip involved in our move. I do not think that I wil have internet connection for quite awhile.

For anyone still scratching their head...because so many here know how low I went to..just get the book. Like I said...it has become my new bible.....my body tells me what it needs when. Last night my hubby and I were having a few drinks....my brain instead of switching on...switched off...I told him at 12a I was going to bed..I was up at 7a....and we have had a very full day taking the kids to a fair, rididng rides and seeing one of our favorite bands. We had a great day...I still marvel at it...but at the same time...it is like that old person left the house. And I don't remember her all that much.

Karma