November Army Thread

[techie]

Re: November Army Thread

Hello friends. In regard to the family drinking discussion, I am keeping a check on my daughter. While she seems to handle it well, there have been some concerning situations. She is currently in Sweden in graduate school. She is coming home for the holidays to her mom and will come visit me. I just need some advice on how to begin the discussion without sounding accusatory. BTW, I was struck by this quote…

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[rustop59]

Re: November Army Thread

Hello friends. In regard to the family drinking discussion, I am keeping a check on my daughter. While she seems to handle it well, there have been some concerning situations. She is currently in Sweden in graduate school. She is coming home for the holidays to her mom and will come visit me. I just need some advice on how to begin the discussion without sounding accusatory. BTW, I was struck by this quote…

[ATTACH=CONFIG]5892[/ATTACH]

Evening everyone

Love the quote Techie. When mine were younger I did have the conversation with them about being careful as there was a pre disposition towards alcohol addiction in both of our families. You could start along the lines of how grateful you are to be clean, especially after your car accident and all the positives it has brought into your life. No preaching but maybe sowing a seed. They can be very sensitive and like young Satz will only seek help when they are ready. How is your young lady Mary?

Your day sounds lovely Molly and it must be a relief to have everything you need for the little ones. It is a hard time of year Brit, long evenings and
you are still in the first year. As the others said you would know you drank and if it helps check in here daily. There are still a few of us around.

Work week over so feet up for the evening.

[JackieClaire]

Re: November Army Thread

I'm still alive and still on my wee break from MWO but reading each day. I'm alive ....................the mega anti-depresents have done little to help. I was referred to a counsellor and start with her/him by phone on Thursday (every fecking thing is by phone) Looks like I've developed agoraphobia on top of depression. I can't leave the house unless I'm grabbing the back of Mr. JC's coat.
My mixed up brain has now talked me into being a phony just looking for sympathy but when you've stood at the front door wanting to vomit it feels very real to me. I never realised a body could carry so many tears.
I do read everyday and miss you and love you.:heartbeat:

[satz123]

Re: November Army Thread

Hello friends. In regard to the family drinking discussion, I am keeping a check on my daughter. While she seems to handle it well, there have been some concerning situations. She is currently in Sweden in graduate school. She is coming home for the holidays to her mom and will come visit me. I just need some advice on how to begin the discussion without sounding accusatory. BTW, I was struck by this quote…

[ATTACH=CONFIG]5892[/ATTACH]

Yes [MENTION=11089]techie[/MENTION]. Alan Carr helped me quit both cigarettes & alcohol by using the same logic - you are not 'giving up' anything.
Giving up infers a loss of something & that you will be miserable - when we all know the contrary is true.
So I try never to use 'give up' when referring to quitting drinking.

[satz123]

Re: November Army Thread

I'm still alive and still on my wee break from MWO but reading each day. I'm alive ....................the mega anti-depresents have done little to help. I was referred to a counsellor and start with her/him by phone on Thursday (every fecking thing is by phone) Looks like I've developed agoraphobia on top of depression. I can't leave the house unless I'm grabbing the back of Mr. JC's coat.
My mixed up brain has now talked me into being a phony just looking for sympathy but when you've stood at the front door wanting to vomit it feels very real to me. I never realised a body could carry so many tears.
I do read everyday and miss you and love you.:heartbeat:

[MENTION=7008]JackieClaire[/MENTION]
Ah Jacks I won't even pretend to know what you are going through.
Thanks for posting.
Take care Jacks and pop in every now & then to say hello.:heartbeat:

[IamMary]

Re: November Army Thread

I missed all the interesting chat yesterday. I totally worry about my kids.. too young yet I suppose. Middle is grand Rustop, still grounded. At least its on my radar now and we (other mothers) have all checked in with each other.
I agree [MENTION=11089]techie[/MENTION], its a tricky one. If, which I believe is the case for me, its genetic, our kids will be predisposed to it, regardless of the choices they make? Maybe there will be triggers or circumstances that will fast forward the obsessive behaviour, but ultimately, do we just wait?
I have knows since my early 20s that I did not have a normal relationship with drink and I 'managed' it for 2 more decades, which was torturous.

Listening to how people talk about drink, women in particular, as they are the ones I have close relationships with, there is managing going on all over the place, "just 2 glasses on a Thursday" "6 Oclock, its allowed now" Vs someone who might give it the same consideration as a cup of tea, like [MENTION=22839]brit[/MENTION]'s daughters (but dont include me in that latter space either, I may have to find a My-Way-Out-of-A-Cup-Of-Tea site soon).

To the few of us that are left may as well set up a FB group & chat that way?
At least that way we can be more open with each other without the worry of our lives being reading material for others ?

Yes please, Include me if we do decide to go down that road. Id be sorry to leave MWO, but it may have run its course soon

[IamMary]

Re: November Army Thread

I'm still alive and still on my wee break from MWO but reading each day. I'm alive ....................the mega anti-depresents have done little to help. I was referred to a counsellor and start with her/him by phone on Thursday (every fecking thing is by phone) Looks like I've developed agoraphobia on top of depression. I can't leave the house unless I'm grabbing the back of Mr. JC's coat.
My mixed up brain has now talked me into being a phony just looking for sympathy but when you've stood at the front door wanting to vomit it feels very real to me. I never realised a body could carry so many tears.
I do read everyday and miss you and love you.:heartbeat:

That sounds so difficult JC, but unsurprising the way things have been going over the past 20 months. Im sure counsellors are inundated with similar situations. People have lost their mojo, I know my inlaws have.
Keep us posted on how it goes on thursday. :hug:

[IamMary]

Re: November Army Thread

It was good for you to see YS in situ -- it's right to be sceptical to save your own sanity - but hopefully he's going to make it this time... some do -- some don't -- this may be his time.

With regard to the 'friends' -- got me thinking -- over many years I may have gathered about 20 people around me -- not all at the same time -- but going through them one by one -- at least 3 definitely had a problem -- like a proper problem -- I would say another 5 definitely drank to excess -- and some still do -- but I s'pose it depends who's around you -- my BIL and SIL both drink more than I ever drank -- but they facilitate eachother as do their children -- so their 'problem' was a lesser instance than mine.. and a few people fell into that category. Another category were people like Joe actually -- 3 of them were children of addicts (including Joe) and all 3 were adamant that they would be different -- they would not be addicts --- so they spent so many waking hours 'controlling' their drinking - imo to the detriment of the rest of their lives -- none of the 3 'successfully' drank normally ---BUT -- would not have been considered to have a 'problem'

lord jaysus I'm glad I don't drink.

All those categories make my head hurt :haha:, another great thought provoking post.

[techie]

Re: November Army Thread

Thank you all for your suggestions and encouragement. Sending loving hugs through the ether to JC. Blessings x

[mollyka]

Re: November Army Thread

Morning..and great to hear from you Jacks. Sounds very tough but definitely you are doing the right thing...reach out for any help you can get...counselling..meds...talk...I'm not in any way shape of form comparing my experience to yours..but during the lockdown I could sense that feeling of wanting to not go anywhere...feeling safe at home..like Mary describes her in-laws. Being at work and HAVING to go out every day saved me from that developing into something worse.
I don't think I've experienced depression as such...so my heart goes out to you feeling like that but I frankly don't understand how you feel ...just take care...open up to MrJC....and dip in and out here if you feel up to it....sending hugs xxx

[mollyka]

Re: November Army Thread

Thank you all for your suggestions and encouragement. Sending loving hugs through the ether to JC. Blessings x

I remember when I started feeling something wasn't right with my relationship with drink...actually..scrap that..there was always something 'wrong' but when I started losing control over it...tbh I didn't want to talk to anyone...I'd have resented anyone questioning me...so any of my kids..if I've been suspicious that all is not right...I've just kept an eye and talk openly about myself so they know that I'll happily talk about it if they want to come to me...I know if I was secretive about my own struggle they would consider it as a shameful secret not to be talked about.
They'll speak to you if they need you....my opinion only if course!!

[rustop59]

Re: November Army Thread

Evening everyone

Late check in for me. I got called into work this morning. The girl I job share with has to be tested, she has two teenagers so I guess it is inevitable. Can’t go in tomorrow morning as we are having our alarm replaced, will do the afternoon and probably Friday. Pain but what can you do.

JC, good to hear from you and have one of these :hug: it’s not surprising with what is going on and like Molly I think I was lucky in that I was forced to go out to work. You take care of yourself and lots of hugs with the lovely Mikey.

Night everyone else.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: November Army Thread

To the few of us that are left may as well set up a FB group & chat that way?
At least that way we can be more open with each other without the worry of our lives being reading material for others ?

I for one would be greatly saddened if that happened.

[satz123]

Re: November Army Thread

Late check in for me. I got called into work this morning. The girl I job share with has to be tested, she has two teenagers so I guess it is inevitable.

Same story here Rusters - had to go to work & have to cover for next 3 days. Takes me hours to decompress when I get home.

but during the lockdown I could sense that feeling of wanting to not go anywhere...feeling safe at home..like Mary describes her in-laws. Being at work and HAVING to go out every day saved me from that developing into something worse.

Molls - never thought of it that way & you are right. I loved the lockdown & deffo going to work & facing the 'enemy' head on was a lifesaver I'd say.
It would be so easy to get into a habit of just staying in a bubble.

[IamMary]

Re: November Army Thread

Evening, your right Tabbers, let's hang on for a while more :happy2:

I'm another lockdown lover. I suppose parts of it anyway. Although if we went into lockdown now, with 3 missing walls, it wouldn't be quite the same. The rumour mill is un overdrive again. My buddy was dead serious today when she quoted he sons friends aunts ex husband who works for the HSE, said we are definitely going into lockdown on the 22nd. The she backed it up by saying it was also on the Internet :haha:
We probably will now and they will be laughing at me..