How do you change your persona?

[adagirl]

This is one thing that weighs heavy on my mind right now. The MWO program is working great for me. I am becomming the person I want to be. I feel in control and happy. I sincerely do not want to get drunk or even to drink enough to feel the slightest hangover. But, how do I change my persona? To my friends, I am the 'party girl'. I always put up the facade that I enjoyed everything about drinking. I never let anyone know of the embarassment or humiliation I felt the day after a big binge. I would laugh everything off and hide every bit of shame I ever felt.

So, last night I went out and made an excuse as to why I was limiting my drinking (because of my WW weigh-in which is not a lie - I do weigh in tonight and drinking does mess w/the weigh-in). But, it occurs to me that I cannot come up w/excuses forever. Or, can I? One big one I was thinking of is that I could tell people I can't drink much because of a new high blood pressure medication I'm on. This is a half lie. I'm not on a new med, but I am on a high BP med and was never supposed to drink on it in the first place. I just always ignored that warning before.

Is that a good idea, though. To come up w/an excuse like that? How else do you explain such a change in your behavior/persona without outing that you had a problem to everyone?

[Robert Smith]

How do you change your persona?

Persona

adagirl;153261 wrote: This is one thing that weighs heavy on my mind right now. The MWO program is working great for me. I am becomming the person I want to be. I feel in control and happy. I sincerely do not want to get drunk or even to drink enough to feel the slightest hangover. But, how do I change my persona? To my friends, I am the 'party girl'. I always put up the facade that I enjoyed everything about drinking. I never let anyone know of the embarassment or humiliation I felt the day after a big binge. I would laugh everything off and hide every bit of shame I ever felt.

So, last night I went out and made an excuse as to why I was limiting my drinking (because of my WW weigh-in which is not a lie - I do weigh in tonight and drinking does mess w/the weigh-in). But, it occurs to me that I cannot come up w/excuses forever. Or, can I? One big one I was thinking of is that I could tell people I can't drink much because of a new high blood pressure medication I'm on. This is a half lie. I'm not on a new med, but I am on a high BP med and was never supposed to drink on it in the first place. I just always ignored that warning before.



Is that a good idea, though. To come up w/an excuse like that? How else do you explain such a change in your behavior/persona without outing that you had a problem to everyone?

What is it you are trying to change, your outlook,meaning mindset or looks, meaning weight ??

[goingsobermum]

How do you change your persona?

Its really hard isn't it? When someone gives up smoking they have done something great. When someone gives up drinking they suddenly are labelled as someone with a problem. Society has an alcohol habit and it doesn't want to let it go. Someone who decides to give up has realised that there is more to life than drinking and that is brilliant. You need to remember that, just tell people you don't want to drink anymore as you feel better without it and leave if at that.

[Saint Jude]

How do you change your persona?

I think that honesty is the best policy... but it is entirely up to you,... as it is a very private matter (at least it is untill you tell someone about it! LOL)
I live in a very small community, where even if you don't know what you're doing.. everyone else does!.... whether it's true or NOT!:H

Having been in & out of re-hab 2 times... and had a DUI, ... not too many secrets around here, with my history... (well if they only knew what else I'd done besides drinking!)... I'd be kicked outa the county! Living here in "Mayberry!"
But... it can also work in your favor in some cases, especialy if you're dealing with friends , you feel you can trust & will be supportive of your efforts to cut back. You don't need to go into detail. Like you mentioned just maybe say you're cutting back for medical reasons or weight loss.
Sorry, not a very straight answer was it..?
But do be careful... some small minded people who don't or won't want to understand ... may try to take advantage of the knowledge you offer them...
I've ran into some very frustrating Family situations from time to time...But that would probably happen anyway @ some point...I just have to see it for what it is.

[Saint Jude]

How do you change your persona?

Geez.... Sobermom, you just struck a chord with me on your post.
It's like my Dad has always drank his 12pk plus a day... Nobody ever questions that... it's just how he is & what he does, -always has probably always will...

BUT.. because I have tried to clean up, and WILLINGY put myself into re-hab, and gone to AA, have tried changing my life... I'm the one in the family w/the "PROBLEM"

I'm the one that is always asked if I'm OK to drive...(after 2 glasses of wine in 5 hrs time!)
or has my Mom sniff my drink @ my cousin's wedding...GRRR!
Don't get me started!

[MDBiker]

How do you change your persona?

I think using the medication excuse is a good one if you don't want to tell them about the drinking problem. Later on when you feel like it you can just tell them you are feeling so much better sober that you would rather stay that way.

In my case, I had to quit running around with the people who do nothing but drink. You can't do that with family that drinks a lot.

bear

[lushy]

How do you change your persona?

I completely relate to this as I am in the same boat with a certain circle of friends. I finally just said I am on a health kick these days and wanting to lose weight, etc.

It is sad that drinkers trying to change their lives are not applauded the same way smokers are.

[adagirl]

How do you change your persona?

Robert Smith;153263 wrote: What is it you are trying to change, your outlook,meaning mindset or looks, meaning weight ??

I feel like my mind is in the right place. My looks/weight are not a big concern to me. I do WW to lose weight because I want to be healthy, but I don't fret about how I look really.

The thing that is hard is that I created this persona (or social facade) of someone who is the party girl, loves to drink, and who you can count on to be the life of the party and laugh about it after. But, I'm ready to leave that behind. I guess I'm just afraid that my friends won't understand why the sudden change? And, I don't want to fall out of my social circle. In fact, most of them are not heavy drinkers. But, the modification of my drinking behavior now places me at a different spot in the pecking order (if that makes sense at all).

[sujul]

How do you change your persona?

I had the same persona--and one of my fears was that I would be boring if I were sober....I felt that I somehow "owed" it to my friends to continue to fill the role I had defined for myself....

What I realized, though, was that I my worth as a friend did not depend on this role I filled...my friends valued me for other qualities which my low self-esteem prevented me from understanding.... I had a lot more to offer than simply being the party-girl person in the group...and so do you!

The other thing that I was surprised to find out was that my good friends actually found me LESS boring when I didn't drink! I was smarter, wittier and more "present" with them....my true personality, which came out when I was not drinking/drugging, turned out to be a much greater asset than the persona I had taken on.

Depending on what you're comfortable with, either just tell them you're sick of drinking or say it's for health reasons or whatever--in a fairly short period no one will wonder any longer why you're not drinking....

Keep up the good work! It is so, so worth it!

[Robert Smith]

How do you change your persona?

adagirl;153278 wrote: I feel like my mind is in the right place. My looks/weight are not a big concern to me. I do WW to lose weight because I want to be healthy, but I don't fret about how I look really.

The thing that is hard is that I created this persona (or social facade) of someone who is the party girl, loves to drink, and who you can count on to be the life of the party and laugh about it after. But, I'm ready to leave that behind. I guess I'm just afraid that my friends won't understand why the sudden change? And, I don't want to fall out of my social circle. In fact, most of them are not heavy drinkers. But, the modification of my drinking behavior now places me at a different spot in the pecking order (if that makes sense at all).

I don't know what to say really except stay off the booze. I personally don't need booze to
be funny, or the life of the party as it were, but on booze one tends to be allot more foolish, no doubt . I don't get the pecking order either, I mean does a social group of
friends have a hirearchy ?
I do understand change tho as just receintly a girl at the gym who was always a joker
nut case that entertained us all. Now all of a sudden she's one of us and I'm missing the
old her. Her change was hormonal in nature plus a failed marrage. Anyway the result
was a completely different person . I personally have now adapted to the new person
and have taken the lead to get her out of her shell. Hopefully someone in your social
circle will do the same.

BTW, is WW working for you? I have some misgivings about that organization and many others like it in terms of results. If you ever want to talk about that some day let me know as I have been a fitness nut for 40 years and a instructor to others for about 10 years.

[adagirl]

How do you change your persona?

Thanks so much for all your replies and support. I'm sure that my perception is that this is a bigger deal to everyone else than it really is.

Sujul, when you say "I felt that I somehow "owed" it to my friends to continue to fill the role I had defined for myself", this is something that really rings true for me too. I realize that this does not make logical sense, but that is a feeling I have. And, its a feeling I just have to accept is there, but not let it dictate how I behave. Bottom line, I have to do what is right for me and my family.

On the 'pecking order' concept, what I mean is that in any social circle, each person ends up taking on a role or, in other words, a place within the group. For me, I am at the top of the pecking order for drinking. There are maybe only one or two other friends in my group who can drink and party as hard as I can (or, should say, 'could'). Is this something to be proud of? I suppose not, but for most of my life, I have had this disfunctional view of drinking as a 'contest' and a certain amount of bravado to go along w/the fact that I could drink so much. Crazy, I know! Anyway, I'm not saying its good or logical to view things this way. Just the crazy way I have come to think of it. LOL

On WW, I don't have any gripes. I lost 50 pounds on WW in my early 20s, kept it off a long time until I met my husband, then let the pounds creep back and then some (can't blame anyone but me for that). So, I'm back on WW. I've lost 37 pounds and have another 23 to get back to goal. I lose slow, but don't really mind. I'm not in a race to get to a certain weight for a certain occasion or anything. Just wanting to be healthy for myself and my family.

[mamatee]

How do you change your persona?

Just jumping in here to say, boy do I relate! I've always been the party girl also. It's not always easy to just not overdo it. My husband, who has been terrific, still gives me a little trouble when I have 2 glasses of wine. I kinda think I've earned the surveillance though (at least from him). I'm just honest with people and say "don't you think I may have gotten carried away more than a little more than once and that I should be more responsible?" (OK, I'm toning down the truth, but the essence is there.)
BTW -- I love WW. It is the best - I can get evangelical about it. It works, it's healthy and combined with the activity program can be a powerful combination. I so believe in our abilities to change - whether it be drinking of eating.

[bear73]

How do you change your persona?

I very much identify with this.I have realised I am hapy AF and I start drinking again out of almost 'obligation'. My social groups's socialising is based around drinking, very heavy in some cases.
I have issues of self esteem and feeling 'left out', fear of not being liked if I change.
But deep down I want to change. I feel I have wasted tonens oftiem doing the same thing, getting wasted,sleeping late adn missing weekends with hangovers.
I'm alwatys trying to lsoe weight, and enjoy exercise and good food.without the booze i would undoubtedly have lost my weight by now.

[rachel28]

How do you change your persona?

right, i dont know much, but ill give it a shot, stick to your excuse , its feasable, quite good , u will soon b able to tell if all your friends r going to try an encourage u to have JUST 1 more than u should! even tho it may effect your health, on a medical ground, maybe re assess the crowd to go around with, without having to bear your soul about drinking, just an idea, i am declaring myself MOST CLUELESS MEMBER !!!!!!

[rachel28]

How do you change your persona?

I DONT KNOW ABOUT U , IVE ALWAYS BEEN TOP OF THE LIST FOR DRINKING SCREWING UP AN ENTERTAINING, IS THIS THE LEGACY U WANT OR stick to your guns which ever way you can, an listen to the sensible side of u, u know its the rational 1, sound like u have made an incredible journey thats no way yet near an end, write yourself a new legacy, i hope 2 do the same soon, as soon as the party girl in me shuts her bloody mouth 4 a while !!!!