Army August 2022

[satz123]

Re: Army August 2022

The booze makes you brave and self righteous benjy....he's still your lovely son...just temporarily buried ...it's better you're angry than sad or worried...night all xxx

Yes Molls - but that is what has us at this stage. Us thinking it's only temporary - when in fact this is going on 10 years.
Us hoping the real YS will stay.
Us being disappointed time after time as each time he gets worse.

So I cannot think that way any more.
That thinking is enabling him - and that does not good for for him or us. I HAVE TO make a stand and see his behaviour for what it is.
I know it's the alcohol that makes him self righteous & selfish but ....... when sober he chooses each time to pick up the glass.

He must take steps to stop permanently or he'll kill himself in the next 5 years. The amount of alcohol he drinks now is scary.

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

Yes Molls - but that is what has us at this stage. Us thinking it's only temporary - when in fact this is going on 10 years.
Us hoping the real YS will stay.
Us being disappointed time after time as each time he gets worse.

So I cannot think that way any more.
That thinking is enabling him - and that does not good for for him or us. I HAVE TO make a stand and see his behaviour for what it is.
I know it's the alcohol that makes him self righteous & selfish but ....... when sober he chooses each time to pick up the glass.

He must take steps to stop permanently or he'll kill himself in the next 5 years. The amount of alcohol he drinks now is scary.

I know...just .... I dunno...I spose I was just speaking in clichés...but I did mean it....and yes ..for your own protection and for him to wake up its good to separate...having a fallback is enabling alright and even an element of co-dependency ...if you go this route tho neither can the constant offer of thousands for a little stint in rehab to get him out of trouble cos that's how he has been using it imo.
Sorry if that's harsh..I truly hope it will finally make him wake up...

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning everyone...beautiful day here...lads gone walking so peace for an hour or two...hope Rusters has arrived safe and sound...

[rustop59]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning everyone...beautiful day here...lads gone walking so peace for an hour or two...hope Rusters has arrived safe and sound...

Morning everyone

Got here safe and sound. Flight was delayed 2 hours but luggage arrived and we were picked up at airport so all good. Himself still fast asleep so waiting to go to breakfast.

Don’t blame you for being pissed off Satz, it is an impossible situation. Waves to everyone else. [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION], check in, we are all here.

[starty]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning everyone!

Lucky you being on your holidays Rustop. Have the best time!

I agree with your stance Satz. I think when we have been through it ourselves, we go either of 2 ways. Either we have no empathy at all because "we got it so why can't they especially without all the drama" or we go the other way and realise how long it took us to get to where we are so we accept the awful behaviour for longer than we should. I was the latter until I couldn't do it anymore for my own sanity. Its hard, but once the empathy and support has been offered, there has to come a time when its up to the individual to do the hard yards for themselves. After all, we were never offered anything on a plate and ultimately its made us the tough women that we are :hug:

[JackieClaire]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning,

I know...just .... I dunno...I spose I was just speaking in clichés...but I did mean it....and yes ..for your own protection and for him to wake up its good to separate...having a fallback is enabling alright and even an element of co-dependency ...if you go this route tho neither can the constant offer of thousands for a little stint in rehab to get him out of trouble cos that's how he has been using it imo.
Sorry if that's harsh..I truly hope it will finally make him wake up...

and take his house keys. Perhaps its harsh but a good few of us are retired and we need peace in our lives.

[JackieClaire]

Re: Army August 2022

Two in a row............. Mr. JC went through anxiety every time he drove home from work wondering what state I would be in.
We've talked about it and sometimes still do about how our lives have changed and he opened up about how he felt.

My godson (also my cousin) and family arrive tomorrow from the USA. Haven't seen them for 5 years. :hug:

[satz123]

Re: Army August 2022

Mr. JC went through anxiety every time he drove home from work wondering what state I would be in.
We've talked about it and sometimes still do about how our lives have changed and he opened up about how he felt.

Yes Jacks we forget what we put our families through while we just kept drinking and indulging in the instant satisfaction that alcohol gave us.

we go the other way and realise how long it took us to get to where we are so we accept the awful behaviour for longer than we should. I was the latter

Thanks [MENTION=22456]starty[/MENTION].
Yes - that's exactly it. When he does something MrS & his sister are horrified. I am rarely shocked. I may not have done it but I can mostly understand it.

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

Gnight folks...talk tomorrow xxxx

[lifechange]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning Army,

Sorry to have gone missing after all the wonderful posts.. i've received so much support and wisdom both here and in the Nest for such a long time and it does shame me that i haven't yet figured my way out.. it helps SO much to hear parts of your stories and i appreciate so much your taking the time to write them down (i know it also helps other people reading in and not posting!).. thank you for that.
it's taken me a couple of days to get my head back in the right place.. i was pretty sad about having to "start over" when i would have had 60 days on Wednesday.. but that's how it is and maybe feeling so down and shitty will help next time when i think drinking might be a good idea.. i did actually think this time, about whether or not it was really a good idea? but for some reason i lied to myself AGAIN about, "just this one day and i'll get back on it tomorrow".. i guess that's always my biggest stumbling block, thinking i can drink for just one day.. i don't really fool myself into thinking i can have just one drink.. i know i'll get blitzed, but just for "one day".. it helps me so much to come here every day and post.. here and in the Nest.. and that i'm coming back after a few days and not staying away for months is positive.. so here i'm going to go again.. NS always says to make the promise to myself to come here and read and post BEFORE drinking which does really help if i manage to do it! but often that's exactly what i don't do if i've got the thought in my mind and have already "decided" to drink.. so that's something i have to figure out! i related to everything you all said.. i am hurting people in my life while indulging in the instant gratification alcohol "gives" me.. plus i'm potentially putting my job, which i love, at risk, plus i'm missing out on this one life i have.. sigh..

[mollyka]

Re: Army August 2022

Good on you Elsie...and be trippely careful where your head is going for a few days...when the substance is re-introduced it can put the want back in there...and build up the days again...don't disdain 3 days ..one week etc just cos you had more previously...at the beginning each and every day needs to be hailed as a victory...and don't forget those near 60 days will have helped your body heal tremendously so it wasn't wasted...you just need to mind your head now for a while...I examined my head every day for about a year...you know...is there a glimmer of a 'thought' in there...then deal with it before it grows legs....Good on you!!!!

Morning all xxxx

[rustop59]

Re: Army August 2022

.you know...is there a glimmer of a 'thought' in there...then deal with it before it grows legs....Good on you!!!!
xxxx

Good morning

Delighted you are back and Mollys comment above sums it up. We are in the same time zone so please check in here with us. We should have put a shout for you when you didn’t post. We do worry when people disappear but sometimes it is that real life takes over. That happened with JC a few weeks ago.

Had a lovely day exploring yesterday. Very pretty and weather perfect for hiking. Another relaxing day today and then organised hike tomorrow.

[starty]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning all,

LC, the feelings you wrote there are totally relatable to my very recent episode with codeine. I am just over 6 weeks now which has not been achieved for over 3 years although I have had numerous mini quits in that time. Each time I failed, my reasons for not quitting it became greater and my reasons for quitting became smaller. Its what our brain does with addictive substances. Do you keep a journal at all? I do sporadically, but its very handy for quits and seeing where we are and where we've been. It also logs in detail how absolutely awful each and every withdrawal is and how low we feel especially when we are taking the drug/booze, not taking the drug/booze. It messes with our neurochemicals until we don't know which way is up. For me, I did feel suicidal on occasions and went through "just a day will be OK" it never is ok and it never is just a day. I won't say my quit this time is any different, but I will say I will take it ODAAT and take the pressure off myself a bit. Codeine will always be my nemesis, but I do liken it to my alcohol addiction as well because each substance takes us away from ourselves, doesn't solve any problems (even for that day!) and creates loads more.

Just been for a lovely 7 mile ramble over some wonderful countryside. Truly knackered now as only got about 4 hours broken sleep last night BUT I do feel happy and fulfilled. Not a feeling I am overly familiar with :haha: so long may it last.

Hope everyones having a decent day!

[JackieClaire]

Re: Army August 2022

Morning,

Good on you Elsie...and be trippely careful where your head is going for a few days...when the substance is re-introduced it can put the want back in there...and build up the days again...don't disdain 3 days ..one week etc just cos you had more previously...at the beginning each and every day needs to be hailed as a victory...and don't forget those near 60 days will have helped your body heal tremendously so it wasn't wasted...you just need to mind your head now for a while...I examined my head every day for about a year...you know...is there a glimmer of a 'thought' in there...then deal with it before it grows legs....Good on you!!!!
Morning all xxxx

Lovely post, our Molls. You're very erudite.

Mr JC's off to a beer Fest today. His mates are going early and he told them he'd be there about 8ish. He doesn't get in 'til 6/6:30pm and he's lost the urge to get hammered on a Friday like they used to.

[satz123]

Re: Army August 2022

@starty

logs in detail how absolutely awful each and every withdrawal is and how low we feel especially when we are taking the drug/booze, not taking the drug/booze.

Starts I think this is very useful. We have a great way of 'forgetting' how the last drinking bout affected us and those around us. Selective memory.
I'm not a journal person - more a scribble on a book or scrap of paper type.

Which reminds me - when drinking - before I went asleep - I'd very cleverly (!) grab the nearest blank page - usually on the back of book. I'd write (scrawl) important things that I should/had to remember or I'd get 'the look' next day when I obviously couldn't remember

But I did 'write' properly how I felt after the last time I drank. God it was horrible. The effects lasted a week before I felt normal again.
I still have that word doc somewhere on this laptop. I recorded hour by hour where I was, who I was with & what I drank those last days. e.g. 4 pints of lager before 1pm and before MrS made me go for a hike. :egad:

I hauled that out to my shame for at least 12 months afterwards to remind myself.