2023!!! Jan Army thread

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Evening

Day 25 and Day 1 today - almost four weeks clean and just at the start of my sobriety journey, so far so good, I'd usually have had a drink by now but I'm holding out. I still have some in the house, I know a lot of people throw everything out but last time round I found getting rid of everything just made me feel trapped and panicked. Maybe further down the line but not today. Had a really productive meeting with my PhD supervisors about my funding application and my project, got to show off my beloved colour coded spreadsheets which I've been so excited about haha. Got the evening to spend on redrafting the application - the whole evening, not just the part before I'm too drunk to make sense, so that's something.

Ne - I remember you a little from way back when i was first a member, a lot of familiar folks from back then are still around, sorry you're in a rough spot right now. My username is actually an allusion to a very recovery-centric record by the band Placebo, I'm a huge fan and actually made the decision to get clean after following them on tour for a little bit last year - seemed to me like all the things I'd been looking for by using were better found in music and the community around it. Got the idea to maybe get my life together at another show in the summer but placebo gave me the kick up the butt to get on and do it.

Starty - shawshank is such a great movie, 1917 was gorgeous in cinemas and I love the score (I'm a big soundtrack guy), green book I have mixed feelings on but love Mahershala Ali as an actor, phenomenal in everything. Of course the film student has an opinion on everything xD

Satz - thats good news about YS, and sounds wonderful what you did for your resident as well.

Molly - Getting and staying stopped is such a nebulous thing. I know now, looking back, my previous attempts were never going to work because I didn't have that commitment, and it was very very easy for me to slip back into old habits. Now I have my PhD to focus on and I don't have the time in my day to spend drinking, I'm hoping this is the one. Time will tell though.

[mollyka]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Good woman Inchy...decision made now just let it happen....!

Got a tractor load of horse manure for my polytunnel and it honestly made me glow with happiness....who'da THUNK??!!!!:harhar:

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Still hanging in, things got rough for a while but managed to absorb myself in the delights of repeatedly editing the same paragraph to try and get it under a word limit (truly a glutton for punishment this evening)

What you growing with your nice load of manure Molly?

Also - not a woman xD sorry to be that guy/person/life form xD

[satz123]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Had a really productive meeting with my PhD supervisors about my funding application and my project, got to show off my beloved colour coded spreadsheets which I've been so excited about haha. Got the evening to spend on redrafting the application - the whole evening, not just the part before I'm too drunk to make sense, so that's something.

I'm curious Inchy my man/they how have you managed to progress so well with your studies ? Do you drink every evening?
Do you have hangovers next day ?
I know towards the end of my drinking things were about to start unravelling from nightly drinking . :egad:

Young Satz's degree is in Journalism - and was very good at his job.
Before he got so bad he wasn't able to write, he used to think he was a great, misunderstood, tortured writer - kinda Brendan Behan type genius :haha:
He coined the phrase about himself "The drinker with the Writing Problem"
It's taken 10 years for YS to realise Brendan Behan was a chronic alcoholic and died age 41 - (the age he is now at)
Such talent wasted.

But that will not happen to you Inchy - stay strong .... focus on the PhD :hug:

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Satz - I started drinking every evening way back when I was doing GCSEs (I once joked that my revision for my German exam was switching to German beer for a couple of nights), so I have had many many years of practice. I was also for many years an exceptionally disciplined alcoholic - I'd study at set times, drink at set times, only ever edit sober but write bibliographies and format whilst drunk. Get the easy stuff done first thing when hungover, have a couple of good hours in the afternoon and early evening, and then back to the menial stuff once I was too drunk to keep at it. Of course as is so often the way that discipline has been steadily declining and I made some stupid mistakes on my MA (missing whole sections of assignments, which I would have caught had i stuck to my 'only edit sober' rule - still kicking myself for that), but, in all honesty, I am very lucky that i write well, and I'm smarter than I've any business being, and that balanced it out. Once I finished and had no reason to hang on to what was left of the disciplined mindset things really went south fast, drinking nearly twice as much as I did whilst studying, got back into drugs, the hangovers got worse - I interviewed for my PhD place high, but once again was lucky that I was being interviewed by precisely the people who gave me references in the first place. In all honesty financially it would make more sense for me to wait until September to start the PhD but I knew I needed a push to get clean and sober, and I love my work enough to do it for that.

[satz123]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Satz - I started drinking every evening way back when I was doing GCSEs (I once joked that my revision for my German exam was switching to German beer for a couple of nights), so I have had many many years of practice. I was also for many years an exceptionally disciplined alcoholic - I'd study at set times, drink at set times, only ever edit sober but write bibliographies and format whilst drunk. Get the easy stuff done first thing when hungover, have a couple of good hours in the afternoon and early evening, and then back to the menial stuff once I was too drunk to keep at it. Of course as is so often the way that discipline has been steadily declining and I made some stupid mistakes on my MA (missing whole sections of assignments, which I would have caught had i stuck to my 'only edit sober' rule - still kicking myself for that), but, in all honesty, I am very lucky that i write well, and I'm smarter than I've any business being, and that balanced it out. Once I finished and had no reason to hang on to what was left of the disciplined mindset things really went south fast, drinking nearly twice as much as I did whilst studying, got back into drugs, the hangovers got worse - I interviewed for my PhD place high, but once again was lucky that I was being interviewed by precisely the people who gave me references in the first place. In all honesty financially it would make more sense for me to wait until September to start the PhD but I knew I needed a push to get clean and sober, and I love my work enough to do it for that.

You certainly must be very talented Inchy, but I think if the brains are there - they're there And, while still young, I suppose up to a certain point drugs / alcohol can enhance performance.

I am reminded of a very successful Irish footballer - well 2 actually - one alive and one died relatively young of liver failure.
Both were magnificent on the football field - top of their game - but most times were drunk while playing. Beggars belief how talented & fit they must have been to be able to do that.

I used to wonder what they could have achieved in their football careers if sober. Probably not much more. I suppose a few drinks, with a top up at half-time would give the confidence to play well for just 90 minutes.
But it was off the pitch that they really suffered. Damaging their health, their lives and the lives of those around them beyond redemption.

[satz123]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Got a tractor load of horse manure for my polytunnel and it honestly made me glow with happiness....who'da THUNK??!!!!:harhar:

OMG :egad:

There must have been a hidden culchie in there all along :haha:

[mollyka]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Still hanging in, things got rough for a while but managed to absorb myself in the delights of repeatedly editing the same paragraph to try and get it under a word limit (truly a glutton for punishment this evening)

What you growing with your nice load of manure Molly?

Also - not a woman xD sorry to be that guy/person/life form xD

Apologies...do that to Jensen (Jill's pal ) all the time...not meaning to be rude...just not careful enough.....sorry.

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Morning all, probably be seeing more of me popping in than you'd care to for a few days haha - rough night, let myself sleep in later on account of being awake til gone 6am, insomnia's always the worst for me so was expected but not exactly welcome. Getting on with this application redraft today, concentrations a bit out the window but I work in 25 minute bursts with 5 minute breaks so should be able to get a little focus going, enough to complete the tasks that need completing anyway, with a little caffeine assist haha. Doesn't help its freezing here, or least it feels it, pc reckons its 6 degrees but my typing fingers say otherwise xD

Satz - definitely agree with this, I was a musician for a few years before I busted a nerve and tendon in my arm and drinking was definitely a tool for most of us back then, a lot of introverts on the music scene would have a hard time getting up and playing sober.

Molly - no need to apologise, its an easy mistake to make

[rustop59]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

OMG :egad:

There must have been a hidden culchie in there all along :haha:

Afternoon everyone

Now now Jackeen don’t be making fun of us culchies. For those of you across the pond, that’s what Dubliners were called by country folk who in turn were called culchies.

Stick close Battle and well done, you are battling on two fronts so it cannot be easy. I find lack of sleep a real killer, very hard to function properly. Do cat naps help? Never suffered from insomnia so not a lot of help.

Sun is shining here. Taking a longer lunch hour as I am on pony duty and need to go and feed them. Daughter is on holidays, on safari in Tanzania. Lucky duck!

[mollyka]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Morning all, probably be seeing more of me popping in than you'd care to for a few days haha - rough night, let myself sleep in later on account of being awake til gone 6am, insomnia's always the worst for me so was expected but not exactly welcome. Getting on with this application redraft today, concentrations a bit out the window but I work in 25 minute bursts with 5 minute breaks so should be able to get a little focus going, enough to complete the tasks that need completing anyway, with a little caffeine assist haha. Doesn't help its freezing here, or least it feels it, pc reckons its 6 degrees but my typing fingers say otherwise xD

Satz - definitely agree with this, I was a musician for a few years before I busted a nerve and tendon in my arm and drinking was definitely a tool for most of us back then, a lot of introverts on the music scene would have a hard time getting up and playing sober.

Molly - no need to apologise, its an easy mistake to make

Thanks Inchy, I'll do my best!!
As regards sleep -- I was saying the other day how my doctor responded to my statement that I couldn't sleep in the early sobriety days by saying 'it won't kill you' --- and it carried me through a lot -- I embraced the sleepless times with audio books etc... (I wasn't - and neither was my doctor -suggesting it was okay long term btw) -- and relatively quickly but gradually my sleep re-appeared -- my lack of worry about it sped it up imo. Have you tried over the counter tablets Nytol? I find them super -- Jackie recommended them years ago and I just take one every night I need one or feel I'll need one...

According to Starty the w/d's from pills are much worse than from alcohol and how she describes it I would have to agree -- you feel and see the differences daily in the early days -- the more long term things like mood and confidence are more subtle but they rectify themselves with a wee bit of work I found. Even physically the changes are quick and can be amazing... and for some years I was discovering things about my real personality that I really never knew as I had been drinking since I was a teen with hardly any meaningful breaks -- 'cept pregnancy and ... well .... and nothing really -- just drank all my adult life - not every day but virtually every week.

Afternoon everyone

Now now Jackeen don’t be making fun of us culchies. For those of you across the pond, that’s what Dubliners were called by country folk who in turn were called culchies.


Sun is shining here. Taking a longer lunch hour as I am on pony duty and need to go and feed them. Daughter is on holidays, on safari in Tanzania. Lucky duck!

Wow -- Tanzania! sounds absolutely fabulous --- must do the goggle!!!!:congratulatory:

My Dad was a true blue culchie -- was very proud of the fact and taught us well -- I was born and reared near Dublin but I think in my heart I probably AM more a country girl so to speak -- was in boarding school and went to school with a lot of girls from the country -- envied them their lifestyles in the school holidays. So yeah -- perfectly at home here -- norra bit of adjustment needed really... anyway nowadays everything you can want is available all over Ireland shops, restaurants, even hairdressers -- the posh one I went to last week in Skerries -- ffs -- cost me near 100 yoyo's and I reckon I'd get WAY better down here for half the price.

Watching Mystery Road -- it's very good

[Battle_for_the_sun]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Evening all

Re; sleep - had a nap this afternoon, just 15 minutes so I could keep my eyes open the rest of the day, tbh the insomnia wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't have to go to work, and if it wasn't screwing up my concentration for this application. Plus past a certain point I'm so tired I can't do anything but try and sleep, except I don't sleep so its just me tossing and turning. I haven't tried sleeping pills, though I have some from a way back I got on prescription, have a morbid fear I'll take them and still not be able to sleep and just feel worse haha.

Honestly I couldn't call whether WDs from pills or AL are worse - I wasn't using pills as long this time round it was 'only' a few months of relapse, and last time I quit everything at the same time on medical advice (obviously didn't last.) The nausea coming off pills was brutal I will say that. With this I just feel like I'm crawling out of my skin and I've no idea if I'm hot, cold or just going freaking nuts. Oh and I'm nauseas, but less nauseas than pills (really I cannot emphasise enough how bad pills screwed up my stomach for like, weeks haha). I will say emotionally I'm doing better this time than I have done on previous attempts, I think probably just because I'd gotten to the point where drinking was making me so miserable that its not as bad in comparison haha. Silver linings.

Dreading work tomorrow though, even if it is work from home, do not feel ready to deal with a weeks worth of emails I've picked up over my holiday plus meetings, waking up, looking presentable. Going to ask for an extra work from home day I think, to clear everything and save myself a commute this week, try and keep the stress levels as low as possible.

[IamMary]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

Thats a good idea Inchy. Do whatever it takes for the next few weeks. Your posts are great, keep them coming. I'm also fascinated by how far you've come, drinking all the way. Can you imagine what's ahead of you now, sober??

Ne, those are my (marathon) toes. Horrific. Even my friends are urging me to see a podiatrist :egad: appointment booked for the 2nd. Sandals here I come (unless she has stick on fake ones, that's not going to happen).

I'm going to have to watch shawshank again now. It's been years! Watching Yellowstone at the moment, really good.
Eyes closing.. my last thought is mollys manure!! Sweet dreams from another Jackeen..

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

grrrr. I remember this from way back in the day. Type out a thougtful response and then bam. If it wasn't saved, it gets lost.

So, hi ya'll. I tried. Thank you for the warm welcome, or welcome back, without judgment.

battle_for_the_sun, thanks for the introduction to the new band, and that's a great anthem song.

The rest will have to wait. But darn.

[mollyka]

Re: 2023!!! Jan Army thread

grrrr. I remember this from way back in the day. Type out a thougtful response and then bam. If it wasn't saved, it gets lost.

So, hi ya'll. I tried. Thank you for the warm welcome, or welcome back, without judgment.

battle_for_the_sun, thanks for the introduction to the new band, and that's a great anthem song.

The rest will have to wait. But darn.

I've gotten lazy and post from my phone....if I lose one....that's it...I'm gone for the day! Must get out the laptop really

Morning all....keep it up Inchy...these are the orrible days...3 days and it all starts easing...( I'm presuming there's no chance of serious withdrawals that would need medication?)