Hi all and happy friday. Been visiting this site now for almost a month and thanks for keeping me alive and sober. Never shared my story here I really dont think there is enough writing space. I just moved to Utah about 6 weeks ago, i used to live in san diego ca ran into a a old school mate on the net when i was selling some motorcycles i had we started a phone relationship immediatlely then he started to fly out to san diego every month this went on for about five months. By this time I had told him where I had come from and all the tragedy i have been thru. to sum this up in words i would say being adopted issues not knowing my bio mother and wondering why she would give me up, total difunctional drinking family, divorce, death of a brother, husband been killed in a accident 13 years ago in his own car drunk although not in the passenger seat. I have a beautiful son from him!!! ( sorry to babble ) anyways he asked me to marry him on easter gave me a easter basket with a ring box and the most beautiful diamond ring ( way to big i think ) or is that I think i dont deserve it ? so i said yes ( i would have been a fool to say no, ) He saw and knew about my drinking I had told him I had four years clean at one time through aa and drank again after both my in laws died within three weeks of each other. my in laws where more of a famliy then i ever saw in my up bringing and i became very very close to them. so i drank after they died and I have been drinking heavy for five or six years. I am so thank full for my fiance he has done nothing but been supportive we cry together and laugh together. So i made plans to move to utah with him and on my out i manage to get a dui and what a ugly night it was, The physical fight that i put up was scary I was upset that this was going on in my front yard, i figured they didnt pull me over so that cant do this to me ( of course the police report said way different) so they manage to stack a pile of charges on me. ( my fiance bailed me out of jail from utah ) the GUILT EMBARASSMENT, THE SHAME, is i just cant put into words as i sit here and cry. So my fiance gave me three thousand dollars for an attorney in CA and i moved out here.Next week he goes to court again to find out where i stand they have already taken my license for a automatice year for refusal, i am going to have to go back out there and do community service ( which my attorney there is no way of transfering that to utah) im thinking about just checking into jail when i get there so no more expenses for hotels food car etc. ha ha my fiance says no way we will do what we need to do. So today i sit here almost two months sober again i feel like my life is on hold till next week I have kind of been sending my resume to big companys in my new area. guess im full of fear and shameand guilt like i said. Guess i do feel the glass is half empty today but on the other hand i play this game with my mind on a day to day and some time minute to minute basis.
Thank god for this website I know im not alone, and if i dont drink today things cant get any worse then they are they can only get better because im not drinking today.
Thank god for this website I know im not alone, and if i dont drink today things cant get any worse then they are they can only get better because im not drinking today.
zwink:
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