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    I really don't like starting a thread

    Everyone here is so wonderful. I really don't want to dump my problems on you. But sometimes I have no other group of friends who can understand me. Forgive me if I bore you.

    Today was my birthday - turned 55. My husband and I always go out for a nice dinner on my birthday - nothing terribly fancy, but we have been doing it for years - just a special little thing so I don't have to cook. We don't got out very often.

    I have so much to say, but will spare you the details. At dinner, I did not order wine. Many of you know that I have been AF for about three years now- with a few sips of wine or beer about every year or 6 months. I am a serious alkie, but am very happy and proud of my abilities to take a few sips in social situations and then just walk away from it. Nobody but my friends here can understand how difficult this has been.

    Anyhow, I did not order a glass of wine, but my hubby did. They poured me a glass and he a glass. I nursed mine all night with only a few tiny sips. I had taken my Kudzu. He drank three glasses. After dinner I ordered an espresso which I always love, and I asked for a tiny shot of anisette in it. The waitress brought me a wonderful cup of espresso and a large glass of anisette. I did not put any of the anisette in my coffee.

    At that point my husband went totally off on me. He said that the fact that I drank 1/2 glass of wine and ordered anisette (even though I didn't drink any of it) was a terrible sign that I am still an alcoholic who can't control my drinkingl I admit I am an alcoholic, but was actually very proud that I drank in a controlled and what I consider to be a societially acceptabe manner.

    I am very sorry to say that I think that once you become honest even with ones you love - once you have that label of an alcoholic - it never goes away - no matter how hard you work and try. Maybe we will always be dirtbags in the eyes of others. I hope notl
    Rest in Peace, Bear. We miss you.

    #2
    I really don't like starting a thread

    Oh Mags, I can't imagined how hurt you must be. Try to hold strong in what you know of yourself - you are an amazingly strong woman who has climbed mountains to get where you are. Maybe - if your husband has bad memories of your heavy drinking days - he got scared and went off in a reactionary way from that fear, rather than from a clear mind and heart.
    I hope that is so, and that all will be fine in the morning.
    Happy Birthday by the way!!
    Hugs,
    imatree

    Comment


      #3
      I really don't like starting a thread

      I think that perhaps the amount your spouse had to drink went to his head and clouded his judgement? You did nothing wrong from what you have written and if he were so concerned why would he drink such a large amount in your presence and on YOUR birthday...NOT his? That was insensitive. Maybe have a heart to heart...I am very sorry you had such a rough evening. I have found that once we are LABELED it never goes away though...very sad!

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        #4
        I really don't like starting a thread

        Mags, I'm really sorry to read that. How To F'up a Birthday 101. Geeesh.

        You know how well you've done. You are an inspiration. Please erase the word "dirtbag" from your vocabulary. It doesn't suit you.

        If we can do anything to salvage your evening ... may we just say

        Happy Birthday, Mags.

        May you have many many more. And may the hubster get some manners ...

        Comment


          #5
          I really don't like starting a thread

          Happy birthday Mags,

          I agree with luv and the frog, and I think the hubby's drinking clouded his thinking a bit. I think you should talk about it tomorrow. for now just know you did nothing and should have no label but winner and overcomer and ok one year older.

          big birthday hug for you,

          Rott
          If I ruin my body where will I live? :ranger

          Comment


            #6
            I really don't like starting a thread

            Happy Birthday Mags!!!!

            I truly believe your hubby had a little too much wine and for whatever reason decided to get on his high horse about NOTHING. Since he knows you struggle with this issue, this is the one area he knows he can dig at you. You did AMAZINGLY well, and I hope by the time you read this you will have understood that. Ask dear hubby to please not comment on this aspect of your life anymore until he can be supportive and realize how far you have come. We love you and your toes around here!!
            I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

            Comment


              #7
              I really don't like starting a thread

              Divorce is cheap.

              Just remind yourself of how well you handled temptation - a wine that you didn't order - a large shot when you asked for dash - that's amazing!!!
              It always seems impossible until it's done....

              Comment


                #8
                I really don't like starting a thread

                A belated happy birthday Mags. How dare he order a bottle of wine on your birthday and then get upset when you drink 1/6 the amount he does! You are wonderful, he was a dirtbag. Perhaps he had too much too drink and was expressing his own fears about himself?

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                  #9
                  I really don't like starting a thread

                  Happy Birthday to you Mags!!!

                  What 3 wonderful yrs. you have had!! You are such a success!!!! You deserve such enormous praise for your wonderful achievement to date and your behaviour at dinner on your birthday was highly commendable - sipping half a glass of wine and not even succumbing to a dash of the shot in your coffee -fantastic!!!!

                  Feel disappointed and annoyed at your hubby`s attitude over your special dinner. He all but ruined it for you. Sorry (or am I ?) for saying this, but think your hubby ought to take a long, hard look at his own drinking and work out who is actually the drinker in this marriage these days.

                  As for the sick terms "alkies" and "dirtbags".................well, can only say that people wouldn`t be in such a rush to label us as such, had they had the misfortune to have `been there, done that, and travelled this most difficult journey!!!!!!!`

                  This just springs to mind: "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.".........people are too quick to berate us, whilst conveniently painting themselves as lily-white..........that attitude makes me, well.........Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! !!!

                  You`re a STAR Mags, and nobody can take these past 3 yrs. away from you.

                  Much love,

                  Starlight Impress

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I really don't like starting a thread

                    Aaahhh Mags, that is awful, you have done so well, you really didn't deserve that from hubby ....

                    I know what you mean about the label though, but you certainly aren't a dirtbag .......

                    Love & Hugs, BB xx
                    sigpicXXX

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I really don't like starting a thread

                      Dear Mags.........that wasnt very nice of your husband......and I say this with heavy heart but I think you are right. We never loose our ALCOHOLIC label. People close to us will always have that awareness about our alcohol intake. I am very honest which has not always been benefitial to me. My mother, for example treats me like a child when it comes to alcohol. "I dont think you should have one, do you? you know how it affects you" etc....patronising!!!! To be honest with you Mags, I think you should forget what your husband said. You know yourself how fantastically well you have done and ARE doing. So put a thick skin around you and walk proud. It is just a shame that us alcys dont always get the support we so long for, crave for and basically need.


                      You are a lovely person. Love, Bella xxx P.S. I hope you had a good birthday.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I really don't like starting a thread

                        Aah Mags that so blows...55 and in control...I know how hard it is to even think of taking a sip of alcohol.....you are so strong and clear headed, let hubby know how you feel..I don't think they really get it but i think it helps...i tell mine things like "gee its great not to have a hangover on Sunday...., I am so glad i didn't drink a bottle of wine while making dinner," just little quips to let them know how we struggle and that we continue our journey...i love you Mags and happy birthday :h rudemama

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I really don't like starting a thread

                          Hi,

                          I have to agree with everything said before, but agree with flip mostly,

                          And it makes me wonder, is he usually a good supportive husband that just had a bad moment, or is he like this more often than is comfortable, and therefore you feel like your 'walking on egg shells' when it comes to drinking, or not drinking?

                          All I can say is that you are the only one who knows how you feel, but if you don't feel good at least 80% of the time after all your personal achievements, maybe it's time to reassess your relationship?

                          Again, only you know, but I think you have done an amazing thing thing and should be proud of yourself, and you definatley don't deserve to feel like shit on your 55 birthday!

                          HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! and WELL DONE!!! You go girl! your an inspiration to me!

                          Lot's of love, Jas
                          :thanks: :h

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I really don't like starting a thread

                            Mags, I agree with the opinion that your husband had to much wine (and perhaps was feeling guilty about that) and projected on you. You must continue to be proud of yourself and your achievement, It hurts like hell when people we love say cruel things, in particular directed at our most tender areas. My warmest wish is for you to do-over your Birthday today with something just for Mags. Enjoy yourself. Your a most special lady!
                            Smiles & Admiration
                            Mar

                            Comment


                              #15
                              I really don't like starting a thread

                              Maybe there is an explanation for his behavior. It reminds me of Beatle's thread. I guess she was doing well but had two vodka drinks and her hubby exploded over it.

                              These kinds of stories make me glad to be lonely. LOL.

                              Seriously, though, it sounds like you did really well. and since it was your birthday, why couldn't he have abstained if he was worried about it. A piece of the puzzle seems to be missing. Sometimes people are irritated with something in themselves and they take it out on someone close to them. your behavior seems very good and appropriate given that it was your birthday. And as you said you struggled to drink socially. Hope you do not feel upset still.

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