I really don't like starting a thread

[Quiescent]

I really don't like starting a thread

Happy Birthday Mags!!


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[lilaclover]

I really don't like starting a thread

Happy Birthday Mags !

Three years!!! That is truly an inspiration for us newbies !! You did not deserve that type of birthday treat !! I agree that he should have abstained from alcohol himself on your birthday...obviously some issue going on here. I aagree with Simeybear, go get a massage, a manicure...some treat to re-celebrate your birthday !!! Hope you are feeling better.

Hugs, Lilac

[Preciouspinot]

I really don't like starting a thread

I am too mad to write anything constructive....know that this is HIS issue and NOT yours! Tell him to take a chill pill or a flying f***. (sorry, still mad) anyway

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU !!!

[paula]

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Happy birthday Mags,
Well done, I feel the same as Precious. I think you are amazing.
Love Paula.xxx

[chrysa]

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I think your husband has too much to drink. Damn. I am so sorry this happened. You did it all perfect.

[Beaches]

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Mags
First of all I must agree that Dirtbag does not suit you at all, you are the farthest from that.

It is very sad that he had to ruin your birthday by throwing old wounds in your face when you were so proud of yourself, which you damn well should have been. He should have been concentrating more on how far you have come and how well you have done in these 3 years than the ugliness. I agree that it also his issue. He obviously had too much to drink himself and maybe wanted someone to join him with his buzz who knows and that doesn't really matter. All that matters is that you are wonderful and an asset to these boards.

Happy belated Birthday to you!!!

[blueeyes]

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Happy 55! My first reaction was, "what a jerk."

Then I thought of my husband, who has really been supportive of me in all the ways I've tried to address my alcoholism. I do wonder, if the tables were turned, if I would be as supportive of him...I just don't know. I do know that I hold him up as a great guy, and if he developed an addiction it would alter the relationship; so, my addiction has surely done that for him. My husband has been there when I've hated myself and given up, he was there for one try when I had him sign a journal of mine for every day I didn't drink...having him be by witness because I always told him I wouldn't lie to him. He's come to therapy with me for family issues that boiled down to my drinking.

On one hand, I feel that the alcohol is a super personal issue that is no one's business but mine, but on the other hand I reach out to my husband for help when I need it....so, I can't tell him to be uninvolved in one instance, but not another. Though my husband has been a big part of my sobriety quests, I still don't think he could have a clue about what would go through my mind if I were at the dinner where you were...all the choices and considerations based on so many years of history with alcohol.

I guess I'm saying that your husband may well get mixed signals, be confused about how best to help you, or just be human with too much of his own to drink and he said the wrong thing. If this were my husband (and we've been married 34 years), I think we'd be able to talk about it the next day -- and I hope you can too.

I leave just amazed though -- you should be so proud of your 3 years, and really proud of the choices you made at dinner.

[beatle]

I really don't like starting a thread

Well, that was very sad to hear. I guess we all can relate to how hard that was on you much much more than your husband realizes it was. He may have been scared, but then why didn't he say something when you were poured a glass of wine and when you ordered the after-dinner drink? And if he noticed that you were drinking, why did he fail to notice how very little you drank, how extremely controlled you were, and how clearly you were not going back to old habits?

This is really a catch-22 when you share your problems, your misery and try to make others understand -- and then you get labelled, treated patronisingly, unjustly punished. In my case, my husband was mostly harsh on me because in addition to slipping after so many times before, and after so many promises, I had lied at first and that got him even more angry. I agree with him about the lying-- he feels he can't trust me anymore. I can understand that, but he doesn't understand the madness that makes me lie, and the self-hatred I feel for doing what I do, and the fear of disappointing him. Anyway, that was a digression. As you can tell we are all outraged and can commiserate at what happened. Please try to talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't realize how hard it still is for you -- a never-ending struggle-- and that you deserve praise, not castigation.

Happy birthday. you did great. WE all know it, even if he doesn't.

[Breez]

I really don't like starting a thread

Hi Mags & Happy Belated Birthday!
:bday7:

I stopped in late & everyone has already commented.

I just want to add to your comment about:

Mags;154522 wrote:
I am very sorry to say that I think that once you become honest even with ones you love - once you have that label of an alcoholic - it never goes away - no matter how hard you work and try. Maybe we will always be dirtbags in the eyes of others. I hope notl

I hate that my dear hubby still echos the old school philosophy of sobriety. You can never just have one-you're an alcoholic. When I commented that maybe I'd have a drink here or there (just mentioned mind you) he just scolded me as if I HAD just chugged down a bottle of booze. I have put him thru so much that I can't really blame him for over reacting because I know he is scared that I may turn back to my old ways. But it hits such a nerve when I'm told what I should do. Only I know what's good for me & that's why I love to come here & share my thoughts because I know as much as he supports me, he would dissect every word coming from my mouth and put a negative connotation on what I feel & what my intentions are.

I have his love & support & then I have the MWO forum's support & understanding. George from Seinfeld: I'm happy to keep my two worlds from colliding. It puts things in balance.

[trixietrack]

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Happy Birthday first of all. I don't know what your hubby is really like, or what your relationship is like either, but from what I have read, seems like he is reacting, almost as if he is still recovering from being with an alcoholic. It is painful to you and to him as well. He probably is not able yet to see you drinking, even a drop. hopefully he can grow with you, and heal.

[diamond]

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Happy Birthday Mags

Ditto eveyone else, keep your chin up, you are doing so well.

Diamond xx

[Saint Jude]

I really don't like starting a thread

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGS!:flower: urgirl: inkele: :day4:
I'm sorry to hear about this.
I get so sick of the labeling & patronizing family ordeals... I could puke!
There's so much hypocricy & ignorance involved with alcohol...
When it comes to loved ones & Families... it seems like everyone but YOU is suddenly the "Expert" on what YOU NEED to do!
Wishing us ALL Strength, Peace & Hope, with this...

[Nina328]

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How does he feel about your drinking? Does he control you or manage you with your drinking? Why would he lash out, when you have done sooooo well? I must ask,.m.m..m why was a large glass of anisette sent out when normally an only an amount to suit an expresso who fit?

Love to talk,
Nina

[Breez]

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I couldn't agree more Jude `.... it seems like everyone but YOU is suddenly the "Expert" on what YOU NEED to do! You just want to "ping" them in the nose.....

[beatle]

I really don't like starting a thread

Breez, just wanted to say your comment hit the nail on the head for me (and maybe for mags)-- "I hate that my dear hubby still echos the old school philosophy of sobriety. You can never just have one-you're an alcoholic. When I commented that maybe I'd have a drink here or there (just mentioned mind you) he just scolded me as if I HAD just chugged down a bottle of booze. I have put him thru so much that I can't really blame him for over reacting because I know he is scared that I may turn back to my old ways. But it hits such a nerve when I'm told what I should do. Only I know what's good for me & that's why I love to come here & share my thoughts because I know as much as he supports me, he would dissect every word coming from my mouth and put a negative connotation on what I feel & what my intentions are. "

I also like your worlds colliding comparison. Now I finally understand what George means.

Mags, I hope you feel better from this outpouring of understandig, sympathy and support. (Maybe you should show your husband some of what we've written-- or would that be too much worlds colliding?)