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**go2goal** · June 25, 2007, 07:35 AM

AF string over

Hey Rocky -

Don't beat yourself up, every moment is a new one. From reading here, it seems its hard for people to know whether to go AF or Mod, so many try AF to see if they can do it, then they stick with it. Problem is that if you have a Mod moment during an AF streak, then it seems like failure. Failure should be erased from our vocabs because we then lose sight of our purposes and give in to a little ol' word.

I am tetering on the fence of Mod or AF and I just want success, not failure, so I have to define that first, I think. These are just words and we have to determine how they fit into our life and what they mean....for us. Then maybe we will know which way to go. If its AF, there can be failure with just one sip, if its Mod, we have more wiggle room. Maybe we need to find another way - 'just staying sober' or 'AF today', or 'just changing the habit' - I don't know, but trying to define what we are doing sure seems something that trips us up.

Sorry so windy, Rocky, but you represent a 'biggy', I think - not letting a moment in time change your perception of success. Just keep going forward, don't look back without fondness, and wear the good things you know are true.

Enjoy this day - do something different that brings joy.

G2G

**ScoobyDoo** · June 25, 2007, 07:36 AM

AF string over

Rocky, about 2 years ago I went on Effexor for about 6 months. I was having some negative side effects and came off it and went straight onto Lexapro... a totally different class of SRRI. It doesb't affect the adrenal system the way Effexor does. I'd do some homework and talk to your GP (and a pharmacist for second opinion).

Going on and off Effexor seems to create a lot of anxiety in me (and others I know who have been on it), so I can personally understand why the compulsion to drink would be strong while weaning off.

Don't be too hard on yourself, but get back on that course of AF. Alcohol definitely increases my anxiety and general feeling of melancholy. AF is good shit

*hug*
Scoobs

**Bella** · June 25, 2007, 07:36 AM

AF string over

hi Rocky, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I think you are right about DRs prescribing meds for depression. I don't think my Dr really knows much about it. I was taking citalopram. I have to say this did work for me. It is a relatively new med and had no unpleasant side-affects. Could you ask for this? You do sound very down. Perhaps you could talk to someone professionally? I hope you are okay. I'm thinking of you. Bella xxx

**Niblet** · June 25, 2007, 07:37 AM

AF string over

Good Morning Rocky, I can say that I know exactly how you feel on one thing for sure... After you are AF for a long while what next ? I had been AF from April 17 th of this year... Last Friday I had 1 beer at a wedding and yesterday I drank almost 2 beers.. I started this journey to be AF 30 days and then Mods. I did 60+ days and this mods thing "feels" right.. Should it ever "feel" not right I'll just be AF again... Don't feel guilty Rocky. I know cause I sure did too... You are moderating and going through something else? Does your depression stem from a post tramatic situation? Not my business I know but I care.. I know that I had alot of crap to deal with... As a child my brother used to beat the s**t out of me daily.. I was told daily that I was dead and I believed it... Anyhow, now I have utmost compassion for the humanrace... I wish you ALL the very best.. Sending you a hug. You need it... Feel free to send me one cause I sure could use one from time to time.
Take Good Care, ~Niblet~

**Guest** · June 25, 2007, 07:54 AM

AF string over

Rocky, you are a strong man and I admire you so very much. I want you to make the decisions that are best for you. No matter what you decide, you'll always have my support!Your the best my friend!
Hugs & more hugs
Mar

**MDBiker** · June 25, 2007, 08:01 AM

AF string over

ScoobyDoo;155052 wrote:
Don't be too hard on yourself, but get back on that course of AF. Alcohol definitely increases my anxiety and general feeling of melancholy. AF is good shit

You are a winner in my books Rocky, and ditto scoobs

bear

**rachel28** · June 25, 2007, 08:10 AM

AF string over

you all r truly amazing to me to get so far as u all have, u all sem to know mostly the triggers an the action u must take, i am truly truly in awe an inspired by u all, thank u 4 helping me c that there is a way to get thru this without spending every day in a fog, 1 day soon id like my SLIP ups to b small not a stupid bender , i have no idea how to moderate and from reading posts i think i understand that im gonna have to be af free for a good while b4 i trust myself to even beginning to learn how to moderate, obviously my brain is wired up 4 all or nothing, i hope no body is giving themselves a hard time t oday, id like to give every one a good old pat on the back, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**nancy** · June 25, 2007, 08:10 AM

AF string over

You're not alone

Hi Rocky

Depression sure is hard to deal with.

Have you talked to a psychiatrist instead of just a prescribing doctor, about the right medication, dosage and weaning on and off? That might help.

And the person who posted about drugs having different side effects is right. Do some reading about this, some are less associated with weight gain and the tiredness should go away after you get used to the SSRI. However, once I experienced more tiredness when I dosed up too high so I dosed back down again. I suppose as a man you also would want to look into sexual side effects of various anti-depressants.

Also, have you looked into lifestyle changes that can help with depression? I am finding these to be helpful. Diet and exercise play a big role in this and conventional doctors never address those things when you come for a consult.

I guess many of us are deficient in Omega 3 fish oil, which can result in depression. B vitamins are essential. and exercise has been shown to be very effective in alleviating depression. It's good to take out substances that give you big mood swings and resulting lows, like refined sugar and caffeine. It is also important to change your thinking patterns, to identify the negative cycles your head goes in and arrest them or at least identify them (cognitive behavioral therapy).

Have you thought about relaxation techniques? Maybe get a massage if you can afford it?

You are not alone on this one so hang in there and check in if you are feeling low.

**southernbelle47** · June 25, 2007, 08:14 AM

AF string over

{{{{{{Rocky}}}}}}

Home should be where you can find acceptance, peace, quiet, forgiveness and well......not a lot of stressful surprises...

Is there someone you and your wife could talk to for some relationship help?

Someone with training in helping marriages get and stay healthy.

There are a few on this site that may be able to give some hints in which direction to go.

SSRIS are not always the answer....sometimes they may help numb the pain but in the long run, unless you drag it out into the light and have a good look at what is causing the pain and take some steps in a positive direction....well it just keeps hurting...and some things in this life are so very painful that we will never get over them....but God ...wants us to have Peace in our hearts and He will help us find that while still here on earth. Grief is a process...there are no shortcuts..just alot of walking through....but God..... promises we do not walk alone.
You've done a wonderful thing in your AF days. Give yourself some slack...your Father is very proud of you...and that is not a small thing!

Nancy

**idiot_wind** · June 25, 2007, 08:38 AM

AF string over

Alright Rocky?

I have no words of advice... Just thought you might like to know that I am exactlly where you are and I'm not really knowing what to do....

Off prozac for 5 week (after 2 years) , starting to get angry and cry (or is that alcohol withdrawal?)

Who knows? Go with what you believe...

I wont say "good luck"

I'll say "Sort it out"

David xxx

**idiot_wind** · June 25, 2007, 08:43 AM

AF string over

Mate, be thankful you have a partner...

I feel like you do but am alone..

What do you think my chances of meeting someone are feeling like this?

I would swap with you...

David x

**rachel28** · June 25, 2007, 09:13 AM

AF string over

david i aint no bloody expert, i know a friend who was on prozac, he had real trouble coming off , u hve done well by sounds of it but, dont run b4 u can walk, giving up prozac an beer well fair play to u mate, accept that u r gonna feellousy for a while, an its gonna take a while to fel more yourself, dr s forget to tell u the reprecussions of anti deppressants they rve about the wonders of drugs , u can make it mate, just got to find yourself a little bit, b 4 u entertain the thought of a partner, enjoy being YOU for a little while, i dont know much babe but beating yourself up leads to shit, be proud of what u have given up an find some new things u like, love will come 2 u when u r ready, xxxxx

**amethyst** · June 25, 2007, 09:53 AM

AF string over

Rocky, hugs to you. I was on Effexor for 18 months, and it was hellish coming off. I understand the desire to drink to try to cut the awful feeling. I had to titrate down SOOOO slowly, and several times had to go back to the previous dose if I tried going too fast. It took several months to fully go off. After I was fully off I began drinking in a problematic way. Were they connected? Who knows. But I do know that I am very impressed that you moderated successfully. I have always been impressed with your thoughtful posts, and the gracious way you live. Chin up friend. Try talking to your doc? Good luck.

**Guest** · June 25, 2007, 10:03 AM

AF string over

Rocky,
You should be very proud of yourself on your outstanding achievement, and like you say, you initially started out with moderation as your goal after a period of abs. And now you`ve had a couple of vodkas and stopped at that, instead of going on a bender and losing the plot. You are still very much on track, and maybe the fact that you had a couple of drinks just means that you ought to review your long-term goal again, whether to remain AF or moderate.

I think some docs. tend to hand out antidepressants willy nilly in many cases without trying to establish the root cause of our depression, probably because so many of them are overworked, and because so many of us turn up at their surgeries desperate for an answer. I think if antidepressants are effective, with limited side effects, then they are a good thing for many, but also think natural remedies are a valid alternative.

As someone whose life is severely affected by depression and anxiety, I am currently researching to find a natural remedy/ies that will ease my symptoms, and have just started reading Natural Highs by Patrick Holford & Dr. Hyla Cass(which I think Nancy recently recommended). At a glance it seems very informative and is written in text book style and so is easy to dip in and out of.

I hope you find some peace of mind.

Much love,

Starlight Impress

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