I wish I knew...

[Robert Smith]

I wish I knew...

Pisces,
now that you have opened up and divulged a little more I think you need to move on. Your father has abused you, and your mother is in denial. I could go on and on but the
simple truth is that the past cannot be changed nor erased from your memory. Staying anywhere near your parents is a constant reminder of the past that you do not deserve .

Move away from your controlling parents and start over. Your only 41 and have a lot of life left . Focus on all the positives not the negatives, it's what I do .

Move away, control or stop the drinking, make new friends, go to the gym, join a community service group, join AA or what ever but be empowered and take control.
One step at a time too girl, don't do all at one time...........Like I would do .

Hugs and Kisses from the Sponge

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

i understand they r your parents i dont want to sound to harsh, but they did not obligate the care of parrents so y should u b guilted into being a loyal daughter, u can love em cos there your parents but u r under no obligation to like them as people, an owe nothing to u, if ur daughter feels they r ripping u off that says a lot, they know they can manipulate u an do,

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

listen to the spounge !!!

[CAPRICORN1]

I wish I knew...

wow jas, i am you!!! 43 still living in parent hell! i just started this program 3 days ago and this is my second post...so hello everyone!...short & sweet...had abstained for 5 days till fathers day...reluctantly saw my father to give card...told me how dissapointed he will always be with me for stupid reasons...i creied and drank myself into a few days of stupor. i am 43. i live in a house they own. self-esteem is the key word here. don't they know what they do to us?. we are NEVER good enough....i can relate and feel for you.

[Lotus]

I wish I knew...

Jas

Firstly congrats for winning the award.

I have to say to you to move out. I was brought up very strictly when I was younger and then even after I got married I was being controlled by my parents, from where I go or what I wear. Anyway I went against them (long story) but they disowned me and we haven't spoken for 4 years. It's been hard but now I feel like I am my own person. I know exactly how you feel when you say you you feel like a 10yr old.

Parents seem to have a Masters in emotional blackmail. But you have to be stronger and put your foot down. Do it for yourself and your daughter. They might find that hard to accept but hopefully will come round to it. One thing I've learnt in life is that putting yourself first....for once at least...is NOT being selfish.

Take care
Mandy x

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

u r both good enough u better start beliving it, ,

[Pisces]

I wish I knew...

Yes, all good advice, and I'm listening.

As I left my home, their house today, they didn't even say bye, so disgusted in me that I had to go back to work and not clean THEIR house to mums standards, and like I said before, it was clean, nothing out of place, vacummed, dusted and floors mopped, windows cleaned etc. But like I said she was washin walls, I work 8.30 till 5 everday and admit I come home and it's all I can do to keep the house tidy...

But just to give you all an insight, when I found my son after 12 years, and I thought they would be excited and happy like me, mum said " do you really want to open that can of worms again?' yes, took my breath away with non loving non support...

Thanx everyone, tomorrow I'm going to start looking for my own home, Fxxck 'em, they'll live, maybe have to make a few repayments, stiff shit hey.

I just wish they would have loved me... shouldn't have said that, I'm crying again, but what doesn't ki;; us makes us stronger, hey xx

[Lotus]

I wish I knew...

Jas

Sending you a big hug from me........:l

It's so hard when parents put up a front. They are probably hurting themselves just to proud to admit it. I got drunk a few months back and phoned dad. He called me a b***h and then reported me to the police that I am harrassing him. He threatened to kill me but then a week later I saw him walking down the street and he couldn't even look me in the eye. Too much pride.

So in some ways I can sypmathise with what you are going through.

Mandy x

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

good on u, not that your cryin i didn t mean that, i hope that u do move out, it dosent have to be an almighty row to do it, an if it is then stiff shit, i like that 1, i really do hope u do it, i think it could really help u move on, im no counceller, i drink to much myself but everything from the bottom of my heart is saying u need to get out an away,,, it s hard accepting parents r never gonna b how we would like em to b, different situation wiv my folks but the feeling of never being good is 1 familiar to me,i dont have much to do with mum, an we get on so much better, we only talk, when my lad see s my brother he is 11, my lad is 10 so they r best mates , much to mum s annoyance, , love to u xxxx

[Pisces]

I wish I knew...

Enerything that has been said here is going to stay in my heart and give me strenght.

You're the best friends I've ever had and WILL listen and tomorrow will start looking for a new home...

I can't thank you all enough for the wise words and strenghth you have given me, I will let you know how I go, but I'm going to leave this shit behind, forever...(praying I do, lol)

So much that I needed to hear, thanx everyone, really xx Jasmin

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

well i hope so, hey jas, u took my mind of drinking, i have been fairly good, i been on milk, well after my breakfast of 5 beers any way, but im not going to drink no more now,today, ive had the daily dose to stop the jitters, so im hoping like i said b4 we can do this together, xxxxxxxxxx

[Pisces]

I wish I knew...

Yes we can, I'm watching you, so you watch me hey... we'll do this together, and with the help of everyone here I reckon it's possible, luv everyone here, my new family, yay!




Just dont anyone want to clean my house soon, lol

[Robert Smith]

I wish I knew...

Pisces,
atta girl DO IT and don't look back . Don't let your parents know or the'll leverage the guilt trip on you again. Do it quietly and discretely .

And don't bemoan about the love lost from your parents. Concentrate on your daughter
your only reall true love. Make sure you give here all the love she deserves .

[Robert Smith]

I wish I knew...

Pisces;155621 wrote: Yes we can, I'm watching you, so you watch me hey... we'll do this together, and with the help of everyone here I reckon it's possible, luv everyone here, my new family, yay!




Just dont anyone want to clean my house soon, lol

And there is the option of moving in with th sponge for a while.
Nothing like staying in a pinapple under the sea for a while I tell ya.
Don't be afraid to use me, especially if you need a calgon moment when a sponge
can REALLY be put to good use.:H

[sujul]

I wish I knew...

Congratulations on your award, Jas! And welcome, Capricorn! As you can see, you've come to a great place...

Jas, there are so many wise words here that I won't really try to add anything because it sounds like you are getting the message loud and clear--time to move on....

I think part of really growing up is being able to accept that our parents don't have any special powers...they can't really do anything to us that we don't allow them to do...

Part of why some parents try to control us and keep us like children is that they are afraid that they will have to have a REAL relationship with us that is based on mutual love and respect rather than fear and control. Unfortunately, they really don't know what it means to have a real relationship, one that isn't based on fear....but that doesn't mean that you have to settle for that!

Get your own place and get on with your life--you deserve it! And do something nice for yourself as a reward for your good work....you deserve that too!

:l