I wish I knew...

[Pisces]

What's wrong with me... I've just had a great weekend, even won an award for my work, but my parents have come to visit, I had spent the rest of the weekend when I got home cleaning, and cleaning, did the windows, every nook and cranny I could find to clean, but I came home at lunch time today to find my mum huffing and puffing washing my walls, loungeroom, my bedroom ect. They own the house where I live, they bought it saying if I would live here till they decided to move here and looked after them in their old age I would inherit it. They have changed their mind now and want to sell it, want the money.

So basically it's not my home, it's their house. And for anyone that knows from past threads, I've had a hard time with them, especially dad, and now I've had my mum tut tutting because I missed some dust, and SHE HAS TO CLEAN UP AFTER ME TO KEEP THE HOUSE GOOD. And I keep my home clean, just never up to her standards.

I told them I had won an award for my work, and the first question was , will you get paid more, because I pay top rent to them for this house, I so wnat ot get out, but everytime I've said I'd like to move, mum crys and says how hard up her and dad are, they own two houses and both work, and have a few thousand in the bank, I live week to week, cant afford to have the phone on on eat sparingly, cause I'm single.

Dad was abusive when I was young, in every way. Now I have problems finding the right man, but seems that because I can't live with abuse it's my fault I'm on the poor side, don't get me wrong, I'm happy with my lot in life, but they have just stripped me again of my self esteem, my achievenents and what I hold dear. Why do they have so much power over me???? I'm drinking again, and feelike I'm back at square one. Fxxxken Parents!!!

I'm 41, why do I feel like a bad no good 10 year old around them. Help!!!

Love Jas

[Flip]

I wish I knew...

I don't know what to say Jas, except hang in there and remember you are loved.

And some parents just plain suck.

[Guest]

I wish I knew...

move out and move on ,it sounds like a toxic environment to me ,life is too short and they could easily let the house out to someone else!

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

argh thats all u need mate, must a been a nightmare weekend, id move out, is there somewhwere u can find thts cheaper, dosent come with the added hassle of [parents as landlords, u have put up with more than enough of there crap, u really dont need it, i feel 4 u, some how it seems u feel guilty, u r not, start looking, mmayb u could say, u cant afford the rent an need somewhere u can guarantee u can stay, oh jas mate wish i could b there an tell ya, an gives ya a hug, chin up dont let em beat you, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Robert Smith]

I wish I knew...

Pisces,
Way to go on the award, well deseerved I bet. You are an empowered woman GOOD for you !!

Sounds like your parents are keeping their control over you pretty darn good. Time to put your foot down parents or not. Go to a lawyer and have the agreement done the
legal route. If your parents object..........move, it's as simple as that.

If you were renting from anyone else they would not be in the house cleaning up behind you now would they ? Time for your parents to let go and you to move on.

Crying and ultimatums are just different forms of control tactics , don't give in to that.

You might want to seek some professional help regarding the abuse too maybe??

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

i did nt say well done for the award, way to go, , x

[Pisces]

I wish I knew...

Thanx mate, I really need to hear that now.

They are so hypocrytical!!! won't go into whats been done, so trying hard to get away from it and not react, but mum looked at me like "dirty girl" and I can't seem to get it out of my head that somehow it's my fault what dad did, years ago I tried to talk about it with mum, and basically she denied dad would ever do such a thing, and that I was precocious.... I still don't know what that means in the context of what happened, was I asking for it, at 3, 4 or 5??? Dad just won't acknowage me, and looks at me with hate and like I'm a crazy person, who they should not listen to, and feel kind of sorry for, cause I'm deluded??? I know my memories!!!

I just feel like everything I've built up in the positive has fallen down, I'm crying and want to get blind drunk...

I hate this.

[Pisces]

I wish I knew...

At least I'm talking about it, too hard to hold in... I'm just crying, why, they were sposed to look after me, why???

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

jas, like the spounge said, u know your own mind, MORE SO SOBER! u know where u think your life should b, its your choice if u want to move, u owe them nothing, u hear me, NOTHING, how much more of your life r they gonna try and punish u, seems like as long as u let them, i wish i had some beter answers but i dont know, if theres no legal reason y u cant move out, id start looking sooon as possible, they dont need u to b there, let someone else have the pleasure of your parents as land lords, u never know your mum may realise damm jas was nt that bad after all, but by then tough titty, hopefully u will b doin fine with no interference from there, your mum chose not to b there for you as a child so screw how guilty she makes u feel, what right has she got, hope i haven t said anything out of order, but thats what i think, on the details i know babe, u deserve to give yourself some happiness, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

aww jas, mate, big hug from england on its way, xx

[Pisces]

I wish I knew...

At least I'm talking about it, too hard to hold in... I'm just crying, why, they were sposed to look after me, why???

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

jas when r u seeing the councillor, can u get on to em an tell em to hurry up, u got such a lot going round in your head. i know its hard to know what to get out and whats important to helping make sense of the past, im having that trouble to, a different past to come to terms but with some horrific things to deal with, how we r going to do this i dont know jas, but im here as much as i can b 4 u, if u want to talk, an u r damm right they were supposed to b the 1 s looking after u, they got a cheek, making u feel like this an making u feel guilty, please dont, dont cry, u will get me goin, its not like i can nip next door to give u a tissue either is it !!!!

[Pisces]

I wish I knew...

Thanx everyone.

I know exactly what your saying, and I've been on the point of moving out twice now, but then mum crys and says shit like 'after everything I've done for you' but I know deep down they don't care about me, my own daughter reckons they're riping me off, cause I'm too nice and can't say no. But today was the end, I mean it, I don't care, they have a shitload of money compared to me, and they've not supported me one bit, or my brother, we grew up in the classic dysfunctional family, dad, abusive, bith physically and sexually, and the worst, emotionally. But when mum crys and says that I promised I'd live here until they decided what they wanted to do, and that they were trying to help me out, (oh my God, more than half my pay each week) anyway, blah balh, But I did ring the phsc and said I need an appointment real quick! Just ove it, wish they would let me go, leave me alone, and stop with the bullshit. So much bullshit....the only light is they aren' t moving here now... so relieved about that.

Thanks everyone, don't know what I'd do with out you. xxx

[ducky]

I wish I knew...

I would definitely move out. They can rent the house to someone else. And for your mom not to protect you as a child was inexcusable. Seems like you need some distance from them. I am sure it is hard with all of the patterns that have been established but I hope you will break free from them. No child asks for abuse at any age.

Congrats on your award! That is great and give yourself a pat on the back.

[rachel28]

I wish I knew...

right in 1 sentance u said, u promised u would stay till THEY decided they wanted to, then what jas, r u expected to move out or r u meant to spend your life then running around for them whilst living under the same roof, im not sure if that was the suggested plan, they r using your emotions, to keep u held over a barrell, if u can beat this drink, they cant use that 1 against u, an u will feel better an clearer in yourself, u must b a clever cookie u got an award!!! start looking , dont keep bowing down to them, xx