Just spent my first day AF for a month, indeed, the first day AF in my new house. I woke up this morning, after probably the best nights sleep I had had in ages, not knowing where the hell I was. When I finally came round it was a very pleasant surprise.
Anyway, the reasons for my abstinence.
Firstly, the impending need to build an Arc, as the UK slowly disappeared under several feet of water.
Secondly I had spent the previous night throwing up, and I could not figure out what had caused it. I don?t think it was food poisoning, or a bug, I came to the conclusion that it was my body finally saying enough is enough.
And thirdly the horrifying realisation that I had been seconds away from killing my own father.
What? I hear you shout.
Well its true, and if I had been sober, I probably would have succeeded in dispatching my dad. However if we all had been sober then we would not have found ourselves in the rather worrying predicament.
This strange set of events occurred on our recent, booze fuelled, trip to Spain with the wife, kids, and my mad parents. I have described, in a previous post, how my parents like a drink on holiday, well that is somewhat of an understatement, they like to be comatosed, and horizontal. Well my dad came within seconds of being permanently ?horizontal?.
It all happened on a very pleasant evening where I had tried to extend my culinary skills. Rather than just frying some protein up and then throwing in the remnants of last nights wine, I had tried to be a little more adventurous. We had bought various exotic ingredients ranging from squid, prawns, mussels, spicy sausage ect ect.
The idea was to create a ?Tapas? type meal, with lots of small tasty dishes to choose from.
So I set about skinning the sausages in order to make meatballs, cleaning the mussels, making the batter for the squid rings. All this preparation was helped with a couple of large GnTs
Anyway, the meal was a great success, spicy meatballs in a tomato sauce, prawns fried in butter with heaps of garlic, then flamed with brandy, mussels steamed in a tomato garlic and white wine sauce, and finally squid rings fried in beer batter. All washed down with a couple of bottles of Sangre de Toro.
After the kids went to bed we had coffee and brandies, and several more brandies. Finally it was time for us all to turn in, at around 11.30.
I remember reading for a while and finally turning the lights off at around 12.15. After 15 minutes of semi conscious dozing, I heard footsteps, light at first, and then getting louder and nearer. I could not tell if they were outside, on the veranda, or inside, but then when I heard the door open, I wasn?t going to lie around in my bed any longer to find out. I sprung out of bed, slipped into my shorts, and went about investigating. The first thing I noticed sent a shiver down my spine, the key in the door was swinging from side to side. The remote comfort that I had been hearing things was now dispelled. It was apparent that we had a situation.
As the adrenalin pumped through my veins, I quietly made my way to the kitchen, hoping that the intruder had not had the same idea. thoughts about the Spanish laws on reasonable force crossed my mind as I opened the cutlery draw and fumbled around for a large knife. However because of the dim light and my, alcohol induced, dim mind, I managed to slice my finger on a sharp implement. Just as I recoiled in pain, the front door opened again. My bloody hand dived back into the draw, and pulled out a large weapon.
Anyway my fears were soon turned to relief, and then mild anger, as my dad stuck his head around the door.
?Hello, what are you doing up?? He said in surprise.
?Dad!? I shouted. ?You don?t know how close you came to getting this in your back.?
Holding up my weapon of choice.
My Dad took one look at it and shook his head in disbelief.
Yeah, you might well shake your head, I thought.
?Jon, that?s a fish slice.?
To my utter embarrassment, I was indeed holding a fish slice. Thankfully, all the large knives were in the dish washer.
Anyway, my father?s reason for skulking around at 12.30 in the morning, he could not remember if he had locked his car. Hardly surprising, he was that pissed, he could hardly remember his own name, and I was that pissed I could not tell a knife from a fish slice.
Anyway, the reasons for my abstinence.
Firstly, the impending need to build an Arc, as the UK slowly disappeared under several feet of water.
Secondly I had spent the previous night throwing up, and I could not figure out what had caused it. I don?t think it was food poisoning, or a bug, I came to the conclusion that it was my body finally saying enough is enough.
And thirdly the horrifying realisation that I had been seconds away from killing my own father.
What? I hear you shout.
Well its true, and if I had been sober, I probably would have succeeded in dispatching my dad. However if we all had been sober then we would not have found ourselves in the rather worrying predicament.
This strange set of events occurred on our recent, booze fuelled, trip to Spain with the wife, kids, and my mad parents. I have described, in a previous post, how my parents like a drink on holiday, well that is somewhat of an understatement, they like to be comatosed, and horizontal. Well my dad came within seconds of being permanently ?horizontal?.
It all happened on a very pleasant evening where I had tried to extend my culinary skills. Rather than just frying some protein up and then throwing in the remnants of last nights wine, I had tried to be a little more adventurous. We had bought various exotic ingredients ranging from squid, prawns, mussels, spicy sausage ect ect.
The idea was to create a ?Tapas? type meal, with lots of small tasty dishes to choose from.
So I set about skinning the sausages in order to make meatballs, cleaning the mussels, making the batter for the squid rings. All this preparation was helped with a couple of large GnTs
Anyway, the meal was a great success, spicy meatballs in a tomato sauce, prawns fried in butter with heaps of garlic, then flamed with brandy, mussels steamed in a tomato garlic and white wine sauce, and finally squid rings fried in beer batter. All washed down with a couple of bottles of Sangre de Toro.
After the kids went to bed we had coffee and brandies, and several more brandies. Finally it was time for us all to turn in, at around 11.30.
I remember reading for a while and finally turning the lights off at around 12.15. After 15 minutes of semi conscious dozing, I heard footsteps, light at first, and then getting louder and nearer. I could not tell if they were outside, on the veranda, or inside, but then when I heard the door open, I wasn?t going to lie around in my bed any longer to find out. I sprung out of bed, slipped into my shorts, and went about investigating. The first thing I noticed sent a shiver down my spine, the key in the door was swinging from side to side. The remote comfort that I had been hearing things was now dispelled. It was apparent that we had a situation.
As the adrenalin pumped through my veins, I quietly made my way to the kitchen, hoping that the intruder had not had the same idea. thoughts about the Spanish laws on reasonable force crossed my mind as I opened the cutlery draw and fumbled around for a large knife. However because of the dim light and my, alcohol induced, dim mind, I managed to slice my finger on a sharp implement. Just as I recoiled in pain, the front door opened again. My bloody hand dived back into the draw, and pulled out a large weapon.
Anyway my fears were soon turned to relief, and then mild anger, as my dad stuck his head around the door.
?Hello, what are you doing up?? He said in surprise.
?Dad!? I shouted. ?You don?t know how close you came to getting this in your back.?
Holding up my weapon of choice.
My Dad took one look at it and shook his head in disbelief.
Yeah, you might well shake your head, I thought.
?Jon, that?s a fish slice.?
To my utter embarrassment, I was indeed holding a fish slice. Thankfully, all the large knives were in the dish washer.
Anyway, my father?s reason for skulking around at 12.30 in the morning, he could not remember if he had locked his car. Hardly surprising, he was that pissed, he could hardly remember his own name, and I was that pissed I could not tell a knife from a fish slice.
Comment