OUCH IT HURTS

[imatree]

first of all, i feel like a selfish schlep for starting a thread, as i seem to offer so little to the rest of you while always asking for help... but i don't think i have much to offer at this point - but soon I will I WILL!!

Anyway... if you have followed the thread "Is anyone else involved with a drinker" you know that in that thread my mind and heart has been dredged out of the mud to realize that I must end my relationship with my partner to save my Self and my relationship with my daughter - because my partner (live in BF) is a Serious Drinker with no intention of quitting.

I told him I want him to move out. I've been strong these past two days. I've focused on the healing and good times to come. but alas...
moments...
it hurts
it stings
MY HEART IS BREAKING

Did I mention we were high school sweethearts and reunited last year?
He's the only friend I have. He's been very good to me. He's quite charming at moments.
I love him so very dearly.
AND IT FUCKING HURTS
because I MUST let this go to save my sanity, health and my child from a life of living with alcoholics. I KNOW I can get sober without him, and that I cannot get sober with him. And even if I could, I don't want to live with a drunk. And most importantly I don't want my daughter to live with a drunk. I did it as a kid - it f**g sucks.

Any suggestions on what I do with this grief and pain???? At the moment I'm drinking to dull it. Also I plan to bury myself in work. I gave myself 2 minutes to feel it full on. that sucked big time. All I can think of is drink fast, read furiously, go to sleep early as possible. if you have any other ideas......... He is probably going to be living here another month before being able to move, which drags out the pain....
(is it because I'm drinking or do i really seem like a bitch at the moment?)

[Quiescent]

OUCH IT HURTS

Oh Tree, You have bared your soul here and I just want to reach out and give you a hug!:huggy
Sometimes doing the RIGHT thing is the hardest of all things to do.

I commend you for putting the welfare of your child and your future first!

You are doing the right thing

Love and hugs,
Rachele

[rachel28]

OUCH IT HURTS

i m glad u said whats been going on u went very quiet, u r not bein a bitch, u r bein REALISTIC, i think u know in your heart the right thing,there aint a cure 4 a broken heart, but u know an i know it s not bloody drink, we ve all tried it thats prob y most of us joined this site, i THINK im not sure cos i never done it , that the answer is by making your life yours, making your own choices, not bein swept along by love, i may b young and daft but i now love should not hurt(while u r in love) an should not b full a doubt, i think u made right choice, its just finding the way to deal with that choice an darlin its not gonna b easy while he is still there, but dont drag yourself into a hole while he still is there, remember y u asked him to move out an kep that in your head, if u r drunk, its gonna b much easier for himto pursuade u that u can work things out, and i hnk u have decided that its not gonna happen, while u r together, i really fel 4 u. i been in your shoes , stay strong for u an your little 1, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[paula]

OUCH IT HURTS

Imatree, I really feel for you. I do think you will do the right thing, is there no way
you and bf could not do this together. If he can't stop drinking with you, I do agree
you have to take care of yourself and your child. Grief and pain I've had plenty of
that and know that alcohol only deadens it for a while, then along comes guilt.
You don't seem like a bitch to me, in fact you seem a strong person who is struggling
admirably. I do wish you well. Paula. x

[YoungAtHeart]

OUCH IT HURTS

You're not a b*tch. It sounds like having made the decision, you just want to get on with it and try to deal with things as best you can. I applaud you for your courage. I know this wasn't easy. Even if the pain seems overwhelming, you will heal with time. Sometimes it's hard to believe that you will survive this emotional pain, but you will, and you'll be better for it.

I'm thinking about you, Imatree. And you're not taking too much at all. I'm glad that you reached out for help.

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[SKendall]

OUCH IT HURTS

Hi Ima, What a great girl you are. I feel so bad for your pain, but I am so happy that you are putting your daughter's emotional security before b.f. She didn't ask for this environment, but it will change her if you stay in it.

You are doing the right thing and your daughter will thank you for it - eventually! Stay close to us because we feel bad when you are hurting.

Hilary

[Determinator]

OUCH IT HURTS

Imatree, there is a book titled "surviving the loss of a love" and it's helped many people I know. I don't know the author but I'm sure most book stores have it. I'm afraid that's all I have to offer except to congradulate you for moving in the right direction. XXXX

[rottrod]

OUCH IT HURTS

Ima,
You are doing the right thing.
I saw my uncle struggle for years to try to quit the bottle and my selfish aunt would sit there and drink in front of him until he failed time after time. Everyone called him the weak one and put him down. He lost his career in the military and his job after that, she got mouth and throat cancer before she finally quit. Then he finally quit. The alcohol cost them everything.
I know that's kind of dramatic but I'm just using it as an example of how your bf could drag you down if he won't quit drinking and you stay with him. You deserve more and so does your child. Be strong and come here whenever you need support.

Hugs to you.

Melissa

[Guest]

OUCH IT HURTS

Hi imatree,
I told you that I still think of my ex. 18 mths. down the line, but as time passes, you will no longer feel that raw ache inside. Your pain will ease through time, and as that pain lessens, you will realise that yes, you have lost him, but in doing so have gained so much.

You will survive this and be so proud of yourself for really being there for your daughter as she begins to grow into a young woman. It took me 3 yrs. of living Hell to get the guts to make the break. In hindsight, I only wish I`d done it sooner.

God will look after you. Pray every day to get a little stronger. He will listen.

Take god care of yourself.

Much love,

Starlight Impress

[imatree]

OUCH IT HURTS

Thanks all. I am SO grateful to be able to talk to you.
In reading you replies I remembered my own childhood - my dad was a major drinker, and my mom drank to 'put up with him'. I used to beg her - I mean plead with tears and all - to leave him. And that was my own dad. They didn't try getting sober til my older brother killed himself, and even then each attempt at sobriety ended in a more dramatic binge of drinking. And I grew to be more fearful of life, more withdrawn, depressed and, obviously, succeptible to alcoholism.
I remember this for my daughter's sake.

[diamond]

OUCH IT HURTS

Imatree, it so hard but you are being so brave. I don't think I could be as strong as you, honestly, I am too selfish and your are so open and generous and kind and loving.
Your daughter doesn't know your pain now but she will understand your sacrifice when she is older.

Because of who you are you will have love again, you may not want anyone else at the moment but when it is time God will provide. Believe.

Best wishes and hugs to both you and your daughter. Love Diamond xxxx Big kisses

[Kitty]

OUCH IT HURTS

Ima what a wonderful mum you are. You are very wise and brave and I'm sending you a cyber hug.

I think you will look back and be really glad about your desision even though at the moment it hurts so much.

Sending you and your daughter my thougths,

Kitty

[Lotus]

OUCH IT HURTS

Imatree

I am proud of you. Not just for yourself but for your daughter. And no you're not being a bitch.

I just wish I had your strength. At this moment I'm drinkining everynight due to problems in my marriage. It seems as if I only have 3 choice... firstly to just put up with it, second is to leave him and become a social outcast, or basically kill myself....(don't worry I'm too much of a wimp to do that!!!).

[YoungAtHeart]

OUCH IT HURTS

Remembering how YOU felt as a child must have been so powerful, Ima. Keep it in front of you, so you can keep knowing that you are doing the right thing.

"It took me 3 yrs. of living Hell to get the guts to make the break. In hindsight, I only wish I`d done it sooner."

You may feel that way too in a while, after you get through some of this pain. You might even begin to feel some (dare I say it?) relief. You will enjoy your daughter more, even if being a single parent can be overwhelming at times. (I'm an EXPERT in that! ) Call on us for help, WHENEVER you need to. I only wish MWO had been in existence back in the late 90's so that I could have had a better chance to get a handle on my drinking back then. Maybe I would have made some different choices.

But we are all here now, and we're all here for you.

Take care, my dear, and keep us posted. You're a good woman.

Love and hugs,:l
Kathy

PS: Lotus, my mom got divorced back in the early 50's when hardly any women ever did that in the US, and she survived and went on to marry my father and have my sisters and me. Is it really very hopeless for you to leave?

[idiot_wind]

OUCH IT HURTS

Hello you :-)

I am very straight down the line and rarely mince words..

I also might not be giving you fantastic advice...

I can only tell you what I think...

What you have told us sounds like what you need to do..

I think you should do it...

And yes, It will hurt a lot, probably for a long time..

But you will get over it..

And Have the life you want for yourself and especially your Daughter...

Have I convinced you?

It sounds like you have convinced yourself...

Nothing will change if you do nothing...

David xxx