OUCH IT HURTS

[Lotus]

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PS: Lotus, my mom got divorced back in the early 50's when hardly any women ever did that in the US, and she survived and went on to marry my father and have my sisters and me. Is it really very hopeless for you to leave?

Kathy

I hope I just had the strength to do so. Maybe I'm hoping that one day he will change and realise I do exist - the way we used to be. Deep down I know it won't happen?. But in the meantime I just can't imagine how I would cope. Too much family pressure to stay. I know this is not a healthy basis for a relationship, but I do it for a quite life. Putting off the inevitable.

[southernbelle47]

OUCH IT HURTS

Well, it looks like there are many of us in this same boat.

It willl be hard to do the right thing but you have to.
Don't let your life rush by and then when you're 60 look back and say.."I shoulda, coulda, wish I hada"!

Grab control of yours and daughters life NOW.......I firmly believe God blesses us for doing the right thing.
Still working on what exactly THAT is at my house...yuck....

:h Nancy

[imatree]

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This morning as I was leaving the house for work I was hit in the gut with a force of pain that took my breath away, literally. I was gasping for air. Walked up the steps to my car, holding on to the railing for strength, and it occurred to me that I am making a choice. I could avoid this current pain and ask him to stay. In the same moment it also occurred to me that I will not do that - that I will endure whatever pain is to come, to do what I know is right.
And I was mildly bemused, beneath the moment's grief. Wow, I am a lot stronger than I used to be. Or wiser or more stubborn or something. In my younger days my actions were based on avoiding pain in the moment - as in, if it hurts then it must be wrong - which kept me in bad relationships far too many times.

I must be growing up. I am beginning to understand that doing what is difficult is sometimes a necessity and ought not always be avoided. This understanding also gives me more confidence than ever that I actually, truly, once and for all, WILL conquer my addiction to alcohol.

[rachel28]

OUCH IT HURTS

go girl u can do it, xxxx

[Bella]

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Imatree, only you know what to do and deep down it is coming across that you want out from this relationship. I was in a relationship for 8 years. It came to an end for me after 4 years but i carried on burying my head in the sand and pretending all was fine. It hurt so much finally saying goodbye to this man but I knew it was right. I had to do it for my own sanity. Try and look on this as a new beginning for you. You will be happier in the long run. My thoughts are with you now. Its not easy but you are strong. Love, Bella xxx

[Saint Jude]

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Imatree,
I aplaud you for your strength. You said that he'll most likely be there still for another month...? Stay strong!
Possibly he'll see how well you're doing & want join you on your journey...
Don't hold your breath on that one though. But it could happen. It sounds like you two really care a lot for each other.


I know what it's like to live with someone who drinks ( although he doesn't drink as much as I used to...hard to believe anyone would!)

Just DO STAY STRONG! I'm such a romantic. I hate to give up on love... if it's really there...:h But you do have to put yourself & your daughter first.

:l

[Waves 2]

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Imatree, Your posts always seem strong and caring. Ypou have worked out what is right for you. it will be hard but deep down you seem to know your own mind.:l

[amethyst]

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Imatree, your posts reminded me of a surgery I had recently. I was prepared for it, and knew I would hurt for a while after, and always have a scar. But I choose to do it because despite the immediate pain and recovery time my quality of life would be improved afterwards. You are having a psychic/emotional surgery of a sorts, in order to improve the quality of life for not only you but your daughter. Hold strong to what YOU need, and take care of yourself. Sending lots of hugs to you.

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

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Stay strong and I wish you all the good luck you wished me - I have also been in a very similar relationship and when it ended I could not see a way to carry on, I was so lost without him - but time does heal and now my life is so much better (or will be without my old "friend" Chardonnay!) - be kind to yourself and look to a brighter future. As someone else said, he may turn his life around as well, how wonderful would that be - keep on keeping on, lady! :h

[Guest]

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Don`t do as I did!!!!!

Judie couldn`t have put it better..............we ought to put ourselves and our children first, before any drinking buddies and that includes our men.

My daughter was 10 when I met my ex. For 3 of her most precious yrs., she lost the mummy who had so adored her to both drink and him. He caused me to miscarry his child (would you believe in a pub toilet!!!)........may God forgive me, but I am now truly glad I did not have to raise his child. But wait!!!!........there`s more!!!.........he pushed me to the brink and drove me to overdose on slides of antidepressants, and had I not drank so much before swallowing them, I may not have thrown up before the ambulance arrived, and I may well not be here for my precious daughter today.

She`s 15 now, and she is my whole world. However, the guilt of having her live in a household with 2 drunkards for 3 yrs. will NEVER EVER leave me.............I will be forever trying to make it up to her `til the day I die!!!

This is the final chapter of how I came to be here at M.W.O..............so very sad..........so very true.

Starlight Impress

[Pebbles]

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I can't really follow that, I'm sorry Starlight it is so sad but you're here now and you love her so much she will always know that.

Imatree, you know what to do and you'll know when to do it. The moment will present itself and you will know when it's right. We will be here you.

Take care.
xxxx

[imatree]

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Oh Starlight, how painful... and how good of you to have moved on.
Amethyst, that is a very good analogy, thanks.
St. Jude, no I'm certainly not going to hold my breath waiting for him to change. I've been doing that for almost a year. And I've thought already, what if he does promise - no way. He's promised before, many times. The best I hope for is that after we go our seperate ways we both get sober and somewhere down the line we can try again.

I am so weary of heartbreak. I don't think I ever talked about this here... but I was engaged to someone about 3 years ago. We had a lot of issues, but in the end the final issue for him was my drinking. Ironic, huh.

[morrison]

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imatree, I'm glad you let all this out. See how much support is here for you. It is such a hard thing to do, make this decision. Is there any chance you are afraid to leave him for him, and not you? I mean, are you afraid he will completely destroy himself, and you may feel some responsibility? I'm just wondering, because I always felt guilty if I didn't love somebody and they loved me. Like, I hated hurting them, you know? Just wondering if you are taking on too much. Your main priority is your child. Your BF is a grown man, and can take care of himself. Do what you gotta do. You know what is right. Please keep us posted on this. Oh, and don't ever feel like you are burdening anybody. You have done nothing but be there for everybody else. I don't think I've ever seen you ask for anything.

[imatree]

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Hi Morrison, I have made my decision, he is moving out. It will probably take a month for him to get a place, but I'm sticking with my decision. I know what you mean about worrying about the other - that's what I did in my younger years. Now I know that each of us is responsible for ourselves. Yes, I'm worried about him. But I have to prioritize.

My daughter has been with her dad the past few days, I get her back tonight - I can't wait. I'm aching for her. I feel SO alone. That's the worst of all this I think. I swear, I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for you all.

[Newyear]

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You sound good imatree. Sometimes you know the answer and just have to do it - sounds like that is where you are now.
I'm sorry for the pain you are going thru and will go thru- I think you are strong though and you can do this.
lisa