OUCH IT HURTS

[Saint Jude]

OUCH IT HURTS

Imatree,
:h My prayers go out to you all right now.
:l

[nancy]

OUCH IT HURTS

you did the right thing

I think you made the right decision. I just read a book called Trauma and Addiction that talks about how living with an alcoholic traumatizes a child.

Clearly you have a lot of pain from your childhood and want to spare your daughter. Maybe your actions will cause him to change? I wouldn't count on promises for now.

MAybe when he moves out he will get clean.

Also, I did wonder why you didn't consider a middle ground on this, that is not contiuing the relationship while he is in the house. You could see him but on other ground.

You need to think of your child and don't want to expose her to someone who may hurt her.

Take care Imatree!

[Pisces]

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Hi,

Listen to your heart, soul, guts, see the red flags, hear the sirens,

If you have none of the above, maybe its not so bad, but if you just have one of the above, listen....

Love lots, Jas

[Saint Jude]

OUCH IT HURTS

Imatree,
I just have to add... before finding MWO. I was --- about that close to loosing my Hubby, my home,(basically my life!) & everything I care about to alcohol...

I'm not saying we all deserve a 2nd, 3rd or 4th chance....
But I sure thank God for mine. Every day.:h


It does sound like you've already addressed this issue w/him.
It's not something you can do for him. DON"T WE ALL KNOW...
Prayers to you ALL...:lilangel:
:l

[imatree]

OUCH IT HURTS

Very good point St. Jude. I told - very firmly and repeatedly - him when we first got involved (reunited) that this relationship would NOT last if we continued drinking. And in the course of the relationship I have hinted, begged, cried, demanded, asked nicely... for change. And he made promises that never even got off the ground. He has had umpteen chances. If I keep it going it's enabling.

Nancy, in response to your question about whether I considered continuing the relationship just not living together (if I understand your question correctly) - that was my initial suggestion. That he find a small studio to stay in during hte week, and when he has his 3 kids for the weekends, we all are in my house ... and carry on the relationship but giving us both time to do what we need for our Selves (he is trying to write a book and has been in a slump). But his reaction to me spilling out my heart, telling him how desperate I was to quit drinking and that I was afraid of losing my daughter, was very cold, self-centered and down right mean. So... that's it. I've done all I can.

[redrobin]

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Ima, well done! Your child must ALWAYS come first. As hard as it may seem now you will never regret your decision.

Stay strong.

[nancy]

OUCH IT HURTS

options

Seems like you offered him the most sensible option: he should move out into a studio.

That way you could still keep the relationship, with all its troubles mind you, but protect your daughter.

You are doing the right thing.

[rachel28]

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so pleased 4 u, i hope u can both work it out, thats not a bad idea xx

[imatree]

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yeah, but that's not what's happening. He got real pissy. plans to move to another town. Pretty much doesn't want anything to do with me now. Which is fine. Clean cut makes it easier, considering the circumstances.

[Saint Jude]

OUCH IT HURTS

Ima, Sorry to hear it's come to this. But it sure sounds like you've given it your best shot.
(I don't know what's going on w/my font here..)

Change is usually for the better, just hard to see & feel it till later...
Hope you're feeling alright Sweetie.:h
:l

[chrysa]

OUCH IT HURTS

Dear Imatree,
You are absolutely san e and doing the right thing. HAng inthrought this month; keep posting exactly what you posted in this thread. It iwill reinforce your committment.

Continue with your own healing program..you are truly on the right track as much as it hurts..but some time from now..it will not hurt & you will see your ex and your differently...Life always changes. Continue praying to God if you can..

[imatree]

OUCH IT HURTS

This morning he said he is "going on the wagon" tomorrow.
We'll see..........

[trixietrack]

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Ima that is an extremely difficult situation. I think that in a way it is self destructive to remain in a relationship where your partner does not care whatsoever about quitting, or maybe isn't aware that he is causing pain.
I am in a very similar situation, but I don't have children.
be strong. I send you my love and good energy

trix

[tea]

OUCH IT HURTS

Have so much to add to this but am not ready yet to do so, doesn't mean I don't feel your pain, I do....

L

[Beaches]

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Ima,
Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and hoping the best for you and your daugther.

So did he go on the wagon??

Be true to yourself because no one else will be!!