Any tips on intimacy issues

[ignominous]

Any tips on intimacy issues

IAD.................... my new co-author.

The love machine, Guitar, does let it all hang out and does make a couple of good points. It is anonymous and generally people are disposed to be nice.

I think I'm doing the right thing here. Very early days. Help me if I'm going to far to quick. Already on the Bac forum I've had dialogues where there's been a confrontation. My immediate reaction is I feel violated ( it cuts me to the quick), but instead of the fight or flight response I have another option. I can have a cup of coffee and consider a reasoned response. The conflict seems to get resolved or at least loose its immediate importance. A revelation.

This has never been on the cards before. I learnt at an early age that to go further, when this situation arose, was to risk being hated by my mother. She would stop at nothing. I don't have the benefit of 40 years experience on this ground that other people my age take for granted. So thanks for the reasoned reply Techs.

Any one have something to say, however deep, banal, insightful, confrontational, I would really like to hear from you. I think I need this.

[beatle]

Any tips on intimacy issues

Another tricky thing about boundaries... they vary from person to person, and, most especially (for many here, like Ig and myself) they vary from culture to culture. Trying to negotiate both personal and cultural boundaries at the same time further complicates this already crowded minefield.

[Choochie]

Any tips on intimacy issues

Ig - I've been reading this thread and finding it very interesting. It may be "finished" but thought I would post here anyway.

To me, it's so safe precisely because it's anonymous. And, if you do cross a boundary, then you can just back off - you don't have "real life" relationships here to endanger. Granted, I wouldn't want to alienate someone here but if I did so inadvertently I would just try to figure it out with a PM (private message) to that person.

I think it would be healthy for you to open up here because, really, it's risk free and it might help you. I'm opening up about a lot of personal issues, and it's very freeing to me. People here seem accepting and always willing to help.

Re your mother - I could write a book on mine, so I totally understand how big a problem the mother issue can be!

Anyway, hope you'll stick around and not feel like you can't be yourself - maybe your boundaries will expand.

[ignominous]

Any tips on intimacy issues

Thought I'd have a look at some of my old posts and came here again.

Choochie Nice post, wished I hadn't given up looking here so soon , I also thought it was 'finished' and didn't catch yours or Beatle's or Neva's til now. Thanks to you all and for your kind comments.

I'm in a different place now. Took Baclofen for 10 weeks and now 5 weeks AF.

However this is my real need now. I've lived the majority of my life in a carefully fabricated world where I've built the walls high and the moats deep. I'm not satisfied with that life any more but still not sure how to go forward.

My feelings about intimacy or fear of it are very real and can seem insurmountable at times.

One more thing. MWO rocks doesn't it.

[naomi marie]

Any tips on intimacy issues

im new here i haven't had a drink in a month and finding it hard xx

[naomi marie]

Any tips on intimacy issues

ive only been clean a month, i hope my conferdence comes back too im very shy x

[Panno]

Any tips on intimacy issues

Hi Naomi and :welcome: you may want to try and post in the Just Starting Out section,... lots of people will tell you stopping the AL improves all areas of your life and your confidence will definately come back the longer your are AL free. Good luck on your journey

P :l

[ignominious]

Any tips on intimacy issues

Thanks for all the replies, I rarely come over here to look. I'm a person of habits and like to keep things simple so generally stay on the meds threads.

Now nearly 6 months sober and I realise that I can't be intimate without first knowing who I am. That's what I'm working on. My whole life I've been playing to someone elses belief system it seems. Not so easy to do at age 49 but I feel I'm becoming more settled in my skin than I was 6 months ago! Thanks for all the support.

49 year old

I'll get there!

[Greg]

Any tips on intimacy issues

I only just noticed this thread, as I'm not on the forum much, and hardly ever in the Holistic part.

I'm still going AF and also doing a lot better with drug use, but I have always had problems with opening up closely to people. In my case it's due to a sort of shyness, along with a fear of letting down my guard in emotionally intimate situations. Sometimes I feel as if I'm just like Mr Spock from Star Trek, able to logically work out the non-social aspects of life but unable (unwilling?) to emotionally relate to people at times.

I'm afraid I don't yet have an answer to this, but obviously it won't just be found in pills. Anything that reduces social anxiety will help, which baclofen does seem able to do somewhat, but when you have been like this for many years it's hard to know where and how to start changing!

If I do find a way out of this problem I'll be sure to post about it.

[beatle]

Any tips on intimacy issues

Greg;1142770 wrote: I only just noticed this thread, as I'm not on the forum much, and hardly ever in the Holistic part.

... I have always had problems with opening up closely to people. In my case it's due to a sort of shyness, along with a fear of letting down my guard in emotionally intimate situations...

I'm afraid I don't yet have an answer to this, but obviously it won't just be found in pills. Anything that reduces social anxiety will help, which baclofen does seem able to do somewhat, but when you have been like this for many years it's hard to know where and how to start changing!

My sentiments exactly.

But I have learned that I am a one-on-one person, and always will be. Accepting this has helped me enormously.

Opening up closely to people has almost always had negative effects for me, so this will never come easily. And for good reason, obviously.