Filling back up

[Hippiegirl]

I started on AB 8 days ago. Things went very smoothly, all things considered. I am not planning to go off anytime soon.

So -that part is great. The not so great part is basically building my life again. I had spent so much time drinking, pretty much everything and everyone else had been pushed out of my life. And now there is so much time to fill.

But as of today, I planted my little vehetable garde. Nothing big - 2 tomatoes, 1bell pepper, 1yellow squash, 4okra and some green beans. Plus some sunflowers and marigolds for fun. And I feel happier and more hopeful thankful than I have in a long time. Maybe I can actually have a life again

[playland]

Filling back up

Hippie,
I think very soon you will come to be very thankful for the time that you now have to live your life again. You will probably have some setbacks, that is just how it seems to go, but during those times (from my experience) try to remember that you desperately want those times to live your life rather than lose them to drinking, and perhaps in the end we will come out on top.

I send you much love and positive energy, I'm thinking of you,
Play

[DizzyBee]

Filling back up

Hi Hippie

I'm not stalking you, I came here on my way to the gardening thread :H I'm glad you are doing well and I know exactly what you mean with the void. I think that's why I fell off the wagon right after rehab, I had this false sense of protection, that everything was now going to be better and perfect. I returned home to my same bedroom, my same life, the same friends and job who I have avoided for months.

The thought of having to fix that was too much for me. And that is perhaps why today the only real principle of AA I keep repeating is the one day at a time aspect. If you do go out with friends now, perhaps try to make it breakfast dates as to avoid the alcohol issue, unless you want to discuss that. And you will be amazed at how much more you are 'present' and 'there' during the conversation.

My friends have noticed and they invite me out more now that I'm sober. I still decline parties but I do accept breakfasts, lunches and activities like hikes, picnics etc. Some people miss the parties but to be honest after going to a few parties sober I can tell you that I'd rather soak in a hot bubble bath. Not because I envy the people who drink (well at times I do) but mostly because they are so obnoxious and stupid.

Gardening is brilliant, spiritual and it also gives your brain a sense of time. You can look at your little plants in a few weeks time and reflect that you have been sober since it was a little seed.

Also try sprouting in your kitchen, its the perfect mini organic garden, and its much quicker!

In the beginning filling time was important for me. I wanted to drink so I simply filled blocks of time with coffee dates, movies, books, tv, stuff, anything. This time it feels like my brain is finally healing and therefore there is so much I want to do and therefore it feels like there isn't enough hours in the day.

What also helps me is trying to help others. Being newly sober I still have the low self esteem and guilt that I carried around with me for so long. So I try to help people on here and in real life I try to be kind and I also hand out my veggies in sprouts as if to symbolically spread the joy of my sobriety.

What is your passion Hippie Girl? What do you enjoy most in the world? Also, do you perhaps enjoy meditation or yoga? Some form of relaxation which can be done in a group setup with like minded individuals who are likely to live healthy lifestyles?

Anyway, I'm waffling. I hope the others have some ideas for you.

Lots of love and hugs,

:h