Conscious Living after Four Long Years

[MossRose]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

SS - thanks for sharing your wonderful day with us. I did have to laugh about the "tipsy Granny bouncing off the rebounder and breaking an ankle." Too funny. Anyway, I've been thinking about you all day. Hope everything is going well and the tests reveal nothing to be concerned about. I know you have another grueling day ahead of you. Sending love and light to you all. Please, let us know how you doing. xx

[SoberSoul]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

Tonight we had fun and little Sofia just sighed and said "Again ?!?" when I told her I was staying over because she had to go back to the 'doctor's' tomorrow. She is looking healthy, happy, beautiful but skinny and is a brat like a three year old should be. She ate a pint of raspberries herself which thrilled me. Today it was an ultrasound on her kidneys and tomorrow it's the big day with the MRI and the spinal tap. She won't have any needles or pain so we just have to get her through it.

Not drinking is easy tonight. I have been journaling my drinking patterns and surprise, surprise, when I do drink I show every sign of being an alcoholic... increasing my consumption until my next abstinence period.

Hopefully this October will be the first month of a lifetime of sobriety that I speak fondly about in my old age as a wise, content woman.

[SoberSoul]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

Getting back to this journal of sorts. There are so many changes going on in my life; too many to list here but we are moving away from this little piece of paradise in order to be closer to my now,4 grandchildren (I was at 2 when I started this as Tipplerette LOL). We are building a house that is a few minute walk away from another raging river (is there a theme here??) but it's not on my property so I don't have to be as vigilant as I am here.

I will be happy to move back to an English speaking community which will help tremendously with my ability to interact in my community and get out of the house which is healthy. The transition period will last months as we lose possession of the little cottage in two weeks and only move into our new home in the fall. We will be living here and there and staying sober will be a challenge but I'm up for it.

Being one who sees the cup half full, I hope to use this transitional time to practice meditation, juicing, rebounding, walking, reading, etc. At age 57, the neglect is finally catching up to this old body. I used to be firm, robust and healthy despite my self-abuse but now the blood pressure is up, the knees are sore, the skin is dry, etc. So there's no where to go but up.

Tonight I have a challenging social event... I will do fine as I am still in the honeymoon phase of my sobriety. I don't usually get cocky until after a few weeks in.

Will report back later.

[SoberSoul]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

I breezed through the drunk fest and was happily sober although the antics of my fellow partyers was a little much, very loud, teary and emotional. The next day we had my grandson's baptism where we had a champagne toast which my pregnant daughter and I faked paricipating in.LOL.

I am on the train on the way to visit my family who live in the Toronto area. Free booze is being offered. It never goes away.. Ha Ha. I am still at the easy to do part of the journey. I don't expect much trouble from the demon, alcohol for a few weeks as I let my guard down gradually as a rule. Will have to stay close to this site.

Ideally I see my life as follows:

We are building a house on a lightly treed piece of property (nothing as gorgeous as what we're giving up) and my son and his wife (two young grandchildren) are building next door. The village is situated on a river which is a 2 minute walk from my property. This is important to me as I am a water person. My other son and his wife will be living with their baby boy within a 15 minute drive; maybe closer as they are looking for a house close by) and my daughter who is pregnant is looking for a house in a town twenty minutes away. I hope to continue to work for the family business part time and will have the office situated in my backyard. I hope to help out with the children's daycare once a week or so. I hope to be the Granny that is the listener, the story teller and the gardener. I wish to have an open door policy while maintaining the close, romantic relationship my husband and I currently share. I am so lucky to still be madly in love with my husband as we've been together 11 years. He treats me with tenderness and love and I am still crazy about him so we have to protect this. We have been isolated from my family previously and moving closer is beneficial in some ways but dangerous if we are not careful.

I wish to have the 4 season solarium (with heated floor and woodstove) as my escape place where I read, meditate and play the keyboard which I have taught myself to play since I have been dabbling in sobriety. I can play close to 100 songs by ear and absolutely LOVE it.

I want to have a beautiful perennial flower garden and a decent sized vegetable garden. I hope to can some of the produce and give some away.

I plan on joining in my community social life and making new friends. I hope to actually formulate a plan where I help out the unfortunate in some way. This is a long term plan but it needs to be acted on regularly for it to come to fruition.

My challenge is that the house will not be move-in ready until August and we are moving out of our little cottage in two weeks. I have to find serenity between now and then along with maintaining sobriety. This will be a challenge but I am up for it. We will start off by living in the commercial condo we own and run the business from, then move to my Uncle's close to the construction site and eventually move to a camper right on the land where the house is being built. Sounds complicated but we are pretty flexible folk. I only think about this moment and that keeps me from worrying too much.

So I will keep posting here in order to get my complicated life on paper.

[MossRose]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

SoberSoul - I am thrilled that your dream of moving closer to your family is finally becoming a reality. I know you have wanted this for quite some time. A solarium sounds perfect. It will be your new sanctuary just like your little cabin in the woods.

So nice to hear that things are going well for you. xx

[SoberSoul]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

Thank you my friend, how are you doing? We really do struggle alongside of each other, you and I. I love your spiritual side and am drawn to anything you post. I anxiously await you resurrecting your morning ritual thread. Discipline is so important in making any worthwhile change in our lives, eh? I have a problem sticking to any routine but am still plugging away at it.

[SoberSoul]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

Well I am on my home from a stressful but pleasant weekend visiting with my family in Toronto. I am proud to say no alcohol passed my lips. At my sisters, they don't drink except for weekends if they have company and I noticed that the booze did not come out as it usually does when I visit and the sad truth is that it only came out BECAUSE I visited. They happily drink tea, coffee and other stuff. They eat crap but that's another story. My sister is addicted to food and weighs close to 300 lbs at 5ft 2". We all have our weaknesses.

My mother was miserable and chooses to be angry and unhappy as a frustrated alcoholic. My sister broke down sobbing at the hospital a week or so ago and begged her not to drink as the doctor told her it was killing her liver. We brought her to a restaurant and, despite her daughter's pleas, after a brief hesitation, ordered a beer. How sad is that? My sister gets angry; I understand that Mom's first allegiance is to the "beast". She has spent her entire life tucked up in her armchair, beer in hand, watching the world go by.
in
When I get home there is so much to do with regards to moving. My husband just informed me he threw his back out so we may have to take things slow for a while.

I hope this positive thinking and realistic attitude towards booze continues. For me, the bottom line is that one drink may seem harmless, and in itself, is harmless but it, always leads to more the next day, more the next and even more the next until I find my heart palpitating, my blood pressure rising, my mouth dehydrated, my sleep interrupted, my self-confidence eroded and my self-disgust in full swing. I need to remember this and will post it elsewhere.

[MossRose]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

SS - I'm going to remember this line the next time I am tempted to drink: "my self-confidence eroded and my self-disgust in full swing." Oh boy, been there and don't really have a desire to revisit. Sorry to hear your husband threw his back out. I hope you aren't on a strict timetable, so he can take some time to heal without it becoming an issue. But wow - you do have a lot going on right now.

All is well here. Happy to be back on track again.

So glad you are back. Your posts always sparkle and make me think about things. Take care.

[SoberSoul]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

Hey Moss Rose, appreciate the note. We are on loose schedule for the move. I came close to caving at the romantic dinner tonight.. a nice, cozy Italian Restaurant. Hubby surprised me and ordered perrier instead of wine. Not sure I could have resisted.. I was very close to caving. It is so amazing how unstable my day to day thoughts are... scary.

Let's not get to the place where we have regrets about drinking ever again.

[MossRose]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

SoberSoul - your husband sounds like a good man. And he is very lucky to have you too Yes - the day to day thoughts can be scary. We'll get through them together, ok?

You've painted a lovely picture in my head - cozy, romantic dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant. OMG - I think I'm ready to start dating again. But I just don't meet that many new people on a daily basis and I absolutely can't bring myself to do the Internet dating thing. LOL. Oh well, maybe one day. Take care of yourself. Hope all is well in your world.

[SoberSoul]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

Well, dutifully reporting in. I found that website where you send a letter to be delivered to your future self and wrote a letter to myself to be delivered in two months. It's all to do with being proud of the accomplishment of not drinking between now and then and regaining my sense of self and pride, etc. While on the site I found a letter I had written to myself in 2011 about not drinking. This was a slap in the face and a real wake up call. Why, after all these years and numerous attempts at moderation have I kept the cycle continuing. I give up the sauce for a number of days or weeks, I then decide out of the blue to have a drink, I then proceed to drink daily although no more than half to 3/4 of a bottle of wine, I get to the point where I recognize the impact on my day to day living, health, future, productivity, etc., then I give up the sauce for a couple of days or weeks... and you know the rest.

If this insanity never ends, my whole life will be lived in the shadow of myself. Why do I hate myself so much that I need to repeat this self-defeating pattern continuously? This time has to be it!

[ChefRobaire]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

Congrats Tip....I too am starting the journey over again....with all the same affirmations...

[SoberSoul]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

Hi Chef Robaire, we can do this together. I guess checking in here on a regular basis is the way to go. I am so sick of trying and failing. I so want this sobriety and am starting to get so fed up with all the empty promises I've made to myself. Feeling a little discouraged but no more booze is entering this body. Promise.

[free at last]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

Hi SoberSoul,
Great to see you posting again. You know the drill

[SoberSoul]

Conscious Living after Four Long Years

I just watched your recommended Ted talk and it was just what I need right now. Thank you so much. I know I hide behind the wine to numb my feelings of unworthiness and shame for past mistakes. This is a good launching pad for some serious inner work.