Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

[nancy]

I am reading Comfortable with uncertainty, by the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron, and finding it very enlightening.

Consider this:

We expect that what is always in the process of change should be graspable and predictable. Because we mistake what is impermanent to be permanent, we suffer.
We look for happiness in all the wrong places. The Buddha called this habit mistaking suffering for happiness. We become habituated to reaching for something to ease the edginess of the moment. We become less and less able to reside with even the most fleeting uneasiness or discomfort. What begins as a slight shift of energy -- a minor tightening in our stomach-- a vague indefinable feeling that something bad is about to happn-- escalates into addiction.This is our way of trying to make life predictable. Because we mistake what always will bring us suffering to be what we think will bring happiness, we remain stuck in the repetitious habit of escalating our dissatisfaction.

I recommend this author for anyone who is drinking to relieve negative feelings.

Any thoughts on this?

[imatree]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

This is great Nancy, thanks for sharing. I was thinking just a couple hours ago about digging out my Pema book "When things fall apart"- helped me out immensely a few years ago. This message of yours is an affirmation that I must do it!

This quote resonates so deeply it is almost disturbing... I can't comment specifically jsut now...

[beatle]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

yep, I've had a spell of buddhist reading. One of my favourites is "Being Peace". I don't remember much from it but I think just the name says a lot. I also have a friend who is going through a terrible time with his relationship now and said "When Things Fall Apart" has been a great help to him. Been thinking I should get a copy...
Trivia: Did you know Uma Thurman's father is maybe the foremost Bhuddism scholar/expert in the U.S. (or maybe the Western world?)?

[trixietrack]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

beatle;154868 wrote: yep, I've had a spell of buddhist reading. One of my favourites is "Being Peace". I don't remember much from it but I think just the name says a lot. I also have a friend who is going through a terrible time with his relationship now and said "When Things Fall Apart" has been a great help to him. Been thinking I should get a copy...
Trivia: Did you know Uma Thurman's father is maybe the foremost Bhuddism scholar/expert in the U.S. (or maybe the Western world?)?

what is his name?

[chrysa]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

Absolutely

[beatle]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

Hmm. what is his name? Well,

1) The one who wrote the essays in "Being Peace" is a monk by the name of Thich Nhat Hanh

2) The friend going through a terrible relationship problem is Jonathan (don't think I need to say more)

3) Uma Thurman's father is Robert Thurman. I should have mentioned he is a leading authority on TIBETAN Buddhism.

[amethyst]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

That sounds very interesting. I will have to find that book. Thanks!

[Calysta]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

nancy;154445 wrote: We look for happiness in all the wrong places.

Any thoughts on this?

I have a lot of thoughts about this.

As I am new and this is a huge forum with lots to go over, I don't know if anyone has already posted this article. Also, it's big, so I don't think I should post it in its entirety, even though I very much want to.

When I read this piece, I thought "YES! Finally, a voice of reason enters the fray!!!" I've emailed it to numerous people and printed it off for my daughter too, because I've heard her express way too many references to "being happy" in the last few years for my comfort level. I want her to use all that intelligence she has to its fullest extent - I recognize that her good looks have helped her to avoid the really hard thinking. She's smart as hell, but the "good" things that have come her way have allowed her to be somewhat lazy with her analyzing capabilities.

If this post is not a repeat of something anyone else has posted, or isn't already something everyone knows, I hope it brings help. If so, my apologies for the repeat.

Happy? How do you know? And does it really matter?

?As I was being treated for breast cancer I was assaulted by the message that my illness was going to be a great experience,? she said in a phone interview from her home in New Rochelle, N.Y. ?Be cheerful, I was told. And it made me sick. It was infantilizing. Here was the most serious disease of my life, and I was being encouraged to buy a teddy bear.?

[Calysta]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

The main reason this article had such an impact on me was because I can never forget how some members of my extended family treated an uncle who was just not able to get over the death of his only son.

"Go mow the lawn, or something - you'll feel better" was their version of a solution to his depression.

I never told them what I thought of this attitude. I moved instead.

Now, 30 years later, I have been finding myself extremely motivated to point out the flaws in their logic. Pretty sure I've been making some enemies in the process to boot.

But I really don't want to be doing this right now, because I have spent so much time on other people that I am now myself in need of assistance.

I've turned into a hermit. And that's just fine with me right now. But I still feel a need to share helpful information, and so I do. Yet I can think of nothing I'd like better at this moment than to be cuddled and appreciated on a couch.

But, one step at a time.

[Determinator]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

Nancy, thank you...I've not read this before. Calysta, be careful being a hermit...people like me tend to get stuck that way a long time if not carefull...it's another comfort factor that I overused in my not-so-distant past. not that you will...just my two cents.

[Calysta]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

My apologies, I should also have thanked you Nancy, before diving in with my own comments.

I've always been a heavy reader, on and off as time allowed, because learning is about my favourite thing to do, and when I first crawled into my shell 6+ years ago, I gave myself permission to have one such extended reading period. Impermanence has never been an issue, I suppose because I've never known anything but change...? But I'm very interested in the "happiness" part - I certainly think too many people look for it in all the wrong places. I also believe that a significant number of people think their happiness lies in rigidity - folks who have their worlds all neatly sewn up and don't like anything rocking the boat, in spite of the fact that growth would be the result. Then there's others for whom the cultural speed and entitlement are factors - "I want what I want when I want it, and I "deserve" that."

Thank you for your concern Determinator. I've never been a very "social" person, but had to behave as though I was due to work, family, etc. I learned how to handle being in crowds, and even how to manage groups, but never liked it. LOL my mother tells me, and I have vague memories of it, that I used to sneak out of my own birthday parties when I was little - she'd find me, where else? In my room, reading. So when my daughter grew up enough to leave home, and things and problems, both mine and others', had gotten to be too much for me to cope with, I shut the world out. Doing so allowed me to continue helping family members who needed lots of help at that time - I couldn't have carried on the way I had been because at that point I was also facing a lot of my own problems all at once - illness-wise, work-wise, relationship-wise. It cost me dearly $$-wise (and I didn't have it to spend, so it's going to take time to climb out of that pit), but not only did I feel I had no option, I actively very much enjoyed stopping the world and getting off, not to mention getting the world off my shoulders. I had longed for some solitude for such a long time that it has been a most welcome respite.

But you are quite right that it's not a state of being I should endeavour to maintain for the rest of my life or anything like that. I do have the odd visit with a few people I am close to, and am slowly getting a bit more cheerful in general as time goes by. And it might be hard to tell from my writing, but one thing I've never lost, except for that dark period after I first went into hiding, is my sense of humour. I am SO glad I have one tucked in between all the seriousness!

[satori]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

I totally agree Calysta,

The relentless pursuit of happiness is the SOURCE of unhappiness in the world!

The Buddha knew this 2500 years ago - it is exactly why he formulated the 4 noble truths.

These people that are "pushing" happiness are not doing anyone any favours - except of course themselves, as they collect the takings from another "life coaching" seminar!



Satori
xxx

[Calysta]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

Bang on Satori

I actually feel that the current rush to happiness has actually hindered me - I can't stand it, yet I am surrounded by it daily. I don't have the TV on, but if I want to pick up a carton of milk on the way to a jobsite, I have to stick my hand through a door that has a pastie of some babe in a bikini staring at me.

Since when do I have to look at male masturbation material when I just want to buy some milk? I have nothing against people taking care of their needs (and in fact enjoy that in private), but why am I being subjected to this one-sided version of what "brings happiness", which is as fake as can be, when I only want to buy some milk?

And that's been bugging the hell oughtta me. The shallow happiness-seeking is now more dominant than everything else.

Well, at least where I live. And from listening to the conversations the kids have had, most of them buy into it.

It puts me right off coming out of my shell.

[Calysta]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

And as long as I'm on this topic, I'd also like to say that I have a limited understanding of people who idolize others - I don't really understand how that can happen, especially when those others are comprised of people whose only concern is their own "happiness" - never mind those who brainwash them in the 1st place.

[satori]

Buddhist philosophy about impermanence and addiction

Perhaps I am just paranoid - but I get flashes of Orwell's 1984 now and then.

The developed world at least (and the USA is MUCH worse than Europe /UK) is living in a mostly manufactured, falsely happy, optimistic dream world.
This is pushed all the time by the media - and I get the idea that governments are happy to let it happen (or is it policy!) as it keeps "joe average" happy and content.
If most folks woke up to what is really going on in the world / around them - governments would have a much harder job.

BTW - The reporting of the news in general in the USA is much less truthful than in the UK - a much more optimistic version is depicted in the USA. Not sure what it is like with you.

I am no conspiracy theorist BTW - just someone who feels more comfortable with reality rather than fantasy.

Sadness / unhappiness/ sickness/ death - as well as happiness / exatacy / joy is what we must experience as part and parcel of being human - what is wrong with just accepting this?

I don't get this whole "celebrity" thing either - what the hell did most of these people REALLY do to deserve the attention adulation they receive?? I mean - they are just ordinary people - they go to the bathroom for a cr*p just like the rest of us??? (sorry!)
Most of them just seem to be famous for - er - being famous?????

Anyway - enough of my ranting.

take care

Satori
xxx