OK, so I went out last night since I don't have to work today and way over did it...again. Lots of Grey Goose Cosmos (rocket fuel) and a big bar bill--ikes!. I had thought I would only have a couple...a hemm, occasionally I can do this and other times I start and go like the energizer bunny, most of the time I am excessive, the degree of excessiveness varies. This is a very boring pattern, I realize and I want to shake it. I don't know if I will moderate or need to abstain yet. As upset with myself as I now am...why do we never remember the hangovers when we drink? I do know I do this less now than I used to and I just started seeing a cognative behavioural threrapist to find more effctive ways of coping and I ordered the cds. I might try a med, I mentioned in another post that I was going to try stablon, a french antidepressant that has some alcohol reducing effects and almost no side effects. I want to try that for a while and if I need to I'll add one of the meds talked about in the program. I probably will do this again, but I can go for doing it less often. I would like to try to moderate eventually, if i can, as I do apprieciate really nice wine with food.
Anyway for as much as I drank, I was drunk, but not nearly as drunk as I should have been. I do try to practice harm reduction strategies, such as making sure I eat and drink plenty of water, don't drive etc. Anyway, I was hanging out with a couple of barflies as the local tavern. One really nice women and her really annoying friend and a co worker of the woman's. We were essentially singing and having a good time. Oh, I could tell a long and uninteresting story, but I'll cut to the chase. We were sitting at an outdoor table when the woman puked right there twice on the ground. I didn't even think she was that drunk and then a little while later the annoying guy who had gotten himself flagged fell over out of his chair...now mind you I have worried about that happening in those chairs when I was sober, but. The woman's co-worker was an amazing calming presence through the whole night, he seemed like a really lovely person. I was embarrased, he wasn't. The woman was embarrased, but not enough to leave. I definately would have left. I didn't want to embarrass her more by leaving right after, although that's what I wanted to do. I left shortly afterwards. The whole thing was kinda surreal, but it was a wake up call for me to not want to go that far. I mean I have, I've certainly done my share of puking and falling over, but just not in that environment..and I am just starting to feel too old for it. I'm 38.
Anyway I just feel crappy this morning and am tring to make some use of my experience last night without stressing myself out. Has anyoe here mastered assessing something honestly and thinking about change without judging themselves harshly...I would love to hear from you
. Thanks for listening.
Anyway for as much as I drank, I was drunk, but not nearly as drunk as I should have been. I do try to practice harm reduction strategies, such as making sure I eat and drink plenty of water, don't drive etc. Anyway, I was hanging out with a couple of barflies as the local tavern. One really nice women and her really annoying friend and a co worker of the woman's. We were essentially singing and having a good time. Oh, I could tell a long and uninteresting story, but I'll cut to the chase. We were sitting at an outdoor table when the woman puked right there twice on the ground. I didn't even think she was that drunk and then a little while later the annoying guy who had gotten himself flagged fell over out of his chair...now mind you I have worried about that happening in those chairs when I was sober, but. The woman's co-worker was an amazing calming presence through the whole night, he seemed like a really lovely person. I was embarrased, he wasn't. The woman was embarrased, but not enough to leave. I definately would have left. I didn't want to embarrass her more by leaving right after, although that's what I wanted to do. I left shortly afterwards. The whole thing was kinda surreal, but it was a wake up call for me to not want to go that far. I mean I have, I've certainly done my share of puking and falling over, but just not in that environment..and I am just starting to feel too old for it. I'm 38.
Anyway I just feel crappy this morning and am tring to make some use of my experience last night without stressing myself out. Has anyoe here mastered assessing something honestly and thinking about change without judging themselves harshly...I would love to hear from you
. Thanks for listening.
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