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    #1

    Finding it hard to remember....

    Last night I opened my first bottle of red before my bf of four years arrived, we sat down to dinner and started to discuss our day. By the end of the second bottle he had gone home and our relationship had ended and now I am finding it hard to remember what it was we said that led us there. I only know that when I drink I self destruct and today I know that if I don't stop I am going to lose everything I hold so dear. I woke up at three am and did the hypno tapes - all of them! I've fought so hard tonight to not go and buy a couple of bottles but tomorrow... who knows.... Despite knowing all of the positive reasons to stop tomorrow will still be another battle. Why do we make life so hard for ourselves?

    Sorry to ramble just feel so low
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    #2
    Finding it hard to remember....

    ((((Sally)))

    I'm so sorry hon. I don't know what happened but do you think it might be worthwhile to call him? Or are you more disturbed by the fact of your "blackout". It is a sign. What do you think you should do?

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      #3
      Finding it hard to remember....

      Sally, sorry to hear you are feeling so low. Were there problems leading up to last night that might have come out in your discussions, or has this come out of the blue? If things were good I think perhaps another talk might be warranted; perhaps this can be repaired? If not, I am sure you would at least like to know why it has ended...

      Stay strong and stay away from the wine tonight. Hope you are okay.

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        #4
        Finding it hard to remember....

        so sorry...

        that you are having so much pain...I wanted to ask you something that I have brought up in other threads...are you on any antidepressents/ anti anxiety pills? I never had any trouble with blackouts until being on Lexapro. This doesn't negate some of the other issues, but I thought I'd ask, because they were/are the scariest things to me and I would be really freaked out too if I had a major conversation like that that I couldn't remember. You will figure it out over time. Take good care of yourself in whatever ways you are able too.

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          #5
          Finding it hard to remember....

          Thanks Hart and Ducky

          The relationship was stable but we have had a couple of these sessions lately and there are fundamentals wrong - its not so much the ending of the relationship but that something so important in your life can end without you even being aware of what you do or say. He has rung me just to say he doesn't want us to ever not be able to speak to each other as we are good friends(we went to school together), hes a good man.

          I guess this is what I have to face up to - we drink - we lose

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            #6
            Finding it hard to remember....

            thank you out

            No have never been on any tablets for anything really but am begininning to believe maybe I should have been but would never admit to not being able to cope. Even more scary to continue drinking and have no idea what is happening to you

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              #7
              Finding it hard to remember....

              Drinking does cost us a lot. But it sounds like you are motivated to work to change your relationship with alcohol. It's hard for lots of us to admit we need help. And blackouts are scary. I have had lots of partial ones, where I don't remember the end of a night...not pretty. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Perhaps when you feel more in control you can revive at least a friendship.

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                #8
                Finding it hard to remember....

                Hi Sally,
                First of all you have to establish what was said between your bf and yourself to cause you to be finished. It was probably just a drunken tiff and I hope you can both sort it out.

                I think you`ve had a hard lesson that we`ve all had at one time or another and that is that if we`re drinking to blackout stage, we have a very big problem. However, sharing 2 btls. between you isn`t really such a huge amount.

                The good thing is that no matter if we drink very heavily, coming here can allow you to sort out lives as long as we are willing.

                I wish you much luck,

                Starlight Impress

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                  #9
                  Finding it hard to remember....

                  Hi Sally,

                  Would you find it too humilating to call him up and just confess that you had too much to drink and cannot remember the conversation? If you had a stable relationship, you should be able to get through this. Don't let alcohol cause you to lose someone you care about. It's hard to admit even to ourselves that we have a drinking problem, but if you can work up the courage, then maybe you can have a drunk-free conversation and get back on track. Maybe you could address your drinking concerns, and talk about what you two need to do differently so that you don't have other similar experiences down the road. Don't give up on him yet. Try to open lines of communication and be as honest as you can. Good luck.

                  Julie

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                    #10
                    Finding it hard to remember....

                    Thank you to you all as always good honest advice, I will talk to him when sober. I guess the battle for me has just begun and I now know I have to stop drinking to gain control of my life. Doing the hypnos and have done the suppliments on and off but actually realise it is about a change in life style. I have decided to get some counselling, I've seen a Louise Hay seminar and an NLP one has anyone had experience with these programmes?

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                      #11
                      Finding it hard to remember....

                      Sally, have you tried the whole my way out program? It's working for me.

                      I read your post and, gee, can I relate to it! I've been there, so many of us have been there. I feel for you. We are here for you!

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                        #12
                        Finding it hard to remember....

                        Hi Sally, I feel for you babe. I lost the love of my life because of my drinking and had many, many nights like the one you describe. Alcohol takes no prisoners it will take everything from you and more if you let it, don't let it. Get on the program and get it out of your life. God I know it is not easy I struggle everyday but with the help of the program and the great people in this community I am winning. I have my slip ups but I get up, dust off and battle on. I will bury this sucker before it bury's me. It will not take anything else from me, I will not allow it. Good luck babe, my thoughts are with you. Kim
                        Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win!!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Finding it hard to remember....

                          Sally, you had a tough evening. I can relate to what you are saying and going through as I have been there myself- many times. When you are in the thralls of alcohol you say and do "stupid" stuff others may find hurtful. Try to forgive yourself and stay strong.

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