another wasted weekend

[nattie]

Hello All
I am hoping for some words of wisdom. I am sat here feeling disgusted with myself yet again. I can?t understand why I am finding this so difficult to get to grips with.
My boyfriend has not had a drink in 2 weeks as he felt we had been drinking too much recently & he also wants to lose weight. This should be a perfect opportunity for me to give this a real good go. Instead, not wanting to be told what to do, I have been drinking at the weekend. I must say I have enjoyed the week days, the good sleep etc but for some reason I feel the need to get trashed come the weekend.
Yesterday started as it had so many before ? he went off to work at 7:30am ? I went to the stables & stopped at the shop on the way home. I arrived home just after 9am with a litre of wine. Why oh why. Then I have the usual morning of house work & necking it& then getting myself in a state cause I?m pissed & he?s going to notice & be furious with me. I tottered off to the hairdressers & then after I had probably made a spectacle of myself I bought a small bottle of vodka on the way home. I laid in the garden in the sun & snuck the vodka while boyfriends back was turned. He kept asking had I drunk as I was acting strangly. I said no & carried on sinking more.
This is a man I love to bits & I keep on doing this to myself & him. We had a night out last night & we barely stayed an hour as the penny had dropped for him by then that I was far from sober. Quite rightly he is not talking to me today. He has asked me to stay away from his sisters wedding as I can?t be trusted not to embarrass us both.

I just feel at my wits end that I never going to get this under control

x

[sujul]

another wasted weekend

((((Nattie))))

I'm on my way out the door but I just wanted to let you know that you've been heard....I've been in that same place as have lots of others and there IS hope.... I too cheated on the person I love most in the world with many bottles of wine and vodka....I lied about the amount, hid it everywhere and took giant gulps of vodka when I could sneak them in...

It is not possible for many of us to just stop because we know we should...we have to put some real plan into place...I don't know if you have read RJ's book or used any of the supplements or CD's--but I encourage you to look into them...also keep reading and posting here...support is crucial to dealing with this--and you'll get loads of support, advice and encouragement from these fantastic folks.

Many of us have felt like you do...and the good news is that there is a way out...it's just a matter of figuring out what works for you... Please don't feel that you are helpless or hopeless--this is a serious disease but it CAN be treated....

I HAVE to go but I just wanted you to know that there are many others of us who understand just how you feel and are here to help you sort it out....

I'll check in later on when I get back home--in the meantime--:l :l :l :l

~~~

[out]

another wasted weekend

oh boy

i think we have all been there in one way or another. my thoughts are that if you need to still be drinking heavily while you figure this all out that's OK. it might be Ok to tell your boyfriend the truth, that you will most likely continue to drink until you have a plan in place to reduce or stop and you are working on it, that you don't necessarily understand it yourself, but you are trying to. you could try to reduce just a little, this doesn't have to be all or nothing it's a journey, not everyone is going to understand that. our cultures have all been so indoctrinated by that "tough love" BS. I am fairly new at looking at this stuff too, I am starting to try the suppliments to see if they can help me reduce my consumption once started, just a thought. sorry you are feeling so crappy. you'll have a lot of support here

[nattie]

another wasted weekend

thanks for the support, I really appreciate it.
I just asked if there is anything I can to save the relationship(he wants to move out) and he said no - he has spent 6 years with me making false promises & he's not willing to waste anymore of his life. I don't blame him, I don't like the way I behave so I can see his point.

[out]

another wasted weekend

sorry dear...

you'll probably feel pretty crappy for a while as we all do, but there are always 2 people in a relationship, well, in this part of the world anyway. you did not cause all the problems or issues. he is not the saint and you the sinner, so make an effort not to go there. we are all loveable drinking or not and maybe after a little while it could even turn out to be easier to deal with all this without having to worry about another person, who knows?

[Guest]

another wasted weekend

Nattie,
Am sorry you`re having such a rough time and feeling defeatist..........I felt exactly as you do now, until recently. As for your boyfriend, well, I understand you drinking is causing him dreadful upset, probably all the more so as he has managed to quit these past 2 wks., and he probably thinks you can do it just because he has, only it isn`t that simple.

You need to talk your drinking through with him, to allow him to understand that most people find quitting or cutting down very much an uphill struggle. I think it would help in the meantime if you could promise him that you will not drink at his sis` wedding.........he needs to see that he can count on you sometimes. However, he also has to come to understand that nothing will be achieved by his punishing you, as he is doing by saying he doesn`t want you to attend the wedding in case you embarrass him.

I feel for you.........you seem to be in a similar frame of mind as I was when I first came to M.W.O...............I really thought I hadn`t a hope in Hell of reining in my drinking.........I thought I was a hopeless case. BUT!!!.........I wasn`t a hopeless case at all, as there is no such a thing if you wholeheartedly want to control the drink, as opposed to it controlling you and your entire life.

I am doing very well now, but that didn`t `just happen` overnight........it took me much soul-searching, and finally, after weeks of reading of all the progress people have made here............my time came. I very much believe we can all do this, but it has to be the `right time` for us as individuals. Trust me.......hang on to all the hope in your heart, and YOUR TIME will come.

I wish you love and luck,

Starlight Impress

[Guest]

another wasted weekend

Nattie,
We`ve all made endless false promises. If you are truly serious about wanting to quit or seriously moderate your drinking, you and he should sit down together and discuss how you intend to tackle it and see how far he is willing to help you. Personal relationships suffer terribly where excessive drinking is involved, so maybe he feels he just can`t take anymore.

If you`re serious about the drink, tell him so and mean it. It could be that he can`t handle you drinking around him as he`s finding his own quitting harder than it`s appeared. It`s very difficult to stay with a drinker if one of the couple wants to stop.

Starlight Impress

[nattie]

another wasted weekend

thanks everyone - I've been at MWO for a while & really think it helps. I got the book, the supplements etc & then stupidly paid a lot of interest in the moderating bit. I don't think I am able to do that though so think I need to start from scratch again.

I do need to do this for me & not just to keep someone else happy - I think this is where the Saturday morning sessions have come from - I feel no one is watching so I can let my hair down.

x

[Guest]

another wasted weekend

Yip nattie,
We all have to do it for ourselves first, and as we start to recover and get well, that `feel-good-factor` radiates through our nearest and dearest and all areas of our lives.

Starlight Impress

[nattie]

another wasted weekend

thanks Starlight - at the moment I feel hugely depressed. Need to go & get the horses in soon & am dreading anyone being down there, they were all at the night out last night.
For quite a shy peron I sure as hell draw attention to myself.

[Determinator]

another wasted weekend

Nattie, sometimes horrid events are the catalyst that helps us decide to get off this painfull ride. Hoping the best for you.

[Bella]

another wasted weekend

Nattie ......reading your post today made me think .....You could have been writing about how I was a few months ago. All the hiding got me down. And it really stung when I so remember trying to sound sober when my husband came home. Its horrible isn't it and all you probably want is an arm around you to tell you it will be be okay. Well, thats what I wanted and I never got it because my H was so angry with me all the time!!!! I can't blame him. I got through it...........So can you! I knew if I carried on drinking I would loose my husband and child. He told me he would leave. I embraced MWO back in February and I'm still here, sober. Nattie, please talk to your BF and tell him how much you love him (if that is true!) and ask for his help. Ask him to support you and then work out a plan together. I really, really wish you well. Come here often as it does help and we are all here to encourage you and support you too. Love, Bella xxxx

[beatle]

another wasted weekend

I also suggest you both read Seven Weeks to Sobriety. It will explain better to your boyfriend that your compulsion to drink really is not your fault, but the chemistry of your body and brain and it also tells how to fix the chemistry. It's a very thorough program with an extremely high success rate. Together with the MWO program, you can work out a detailed plan together. This is what I am in the middle of doing. Good luck and don't give up.

[groovychick]

another wasted weekend

Hi there Nattie,

Just read your post. I'm new here, so I don't know the protocol-- but I wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone! I totally relate to feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself after a night of drinking. My drinking helped me sabotage my long term relationship with my boyfriend in a stupid fight.

I have no words of wisdom (feeling pretty stupid these days)-- but I do believe that people can do whatever they put their mind to if they really, really want to do it. That's how I quit smoking- I just decided for sure that I was going to do it. Even if it was hard (and hell yes, it was hard).

So hang in there girl. You're not alone.

[nattie]

another wasted weekend

hello
Firstly I just wanted to say a huge thanks too all who took the time to reply to me yesterday - as usual the advice was spot on & I really appreciated it.

I have come to realise there's no moderating for me - I have to give up. If I have lost my relationship with my boyfriend already then I will need to cope with that - hopefully this might be my wake up call to want to change my life. Iam slowly narrowing my social circle, the places I feel comfey going etc & all because I insist on drinking & making a public ar*e of myself.

Thanks again guys - you are the best.

x