I am hoping for some words of wisdom. I am sat here feeling disgusted with myself yet again. I can?t understand why I am finding this so difficult to get to grips with.
My boyfriend has not had a drink in 2 weeks as he felt we had been drinking too much recently & he also wants to lose weight. This should be a perfect opportunity for me to give this a real good go. Instead, not wanting to be told what to do, I have been drinking at the weekend. I must say I have enjoyed the week days, the good sleep etc but for some reason I feel the need to get trashed come the weekend.
Yesterday started as it had so many before ? he went off to work at 7:30am ? I went to the stables & stopped at the shop on the way home. I arrived home just after 9am with a litre of wine. Why oh why. Then I have the usual morning of house work & necking it& then getting myself in a state cause I?m pissed & he?s going to notice & be furious with me. I tottered off to the hairdressers & then after I had probably made a spectacle of myself I bought a small bottle of vodka on the way home. I laid in the garden in the sun & snuck the vodka while boyfriends back was turned. He kept asking had I drunk as I was acting strangly. I said no & carried on sinking more.
This is a man I love to bits & I keep on doing this to myself & him. We had a night out last night & we barely stayed an hour as the penny had dropped for him by then that I was far from sober. Quite rightly he is not talking to me today. He has asked me to stay away from his sisters wedding as I can?t be trusted not to embarrass us both.
I just feel at my wits end that I never going to get this under control
x
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