Just believe....
The worse you think you are...
the worse you are. This is an observation made by the addictions counselors who wrote "Over the Influence". A book I've mentioned in other posts and one that has been really helpful to me. These counselors preach harm reduction and working with individuals as individuals rather than lumping them together into some formulaic catagory. I can't stand that stuff, you know, "if you have more than 3 drinks per week you are a heavy drinker", by whose standards? Most "normal drinkers" I know will put away at least 3 beers at a game or picnic, etc and no one would consider them heavy drinkers. I am careful to not evaluate myself against standards that others or authorities set. I do understand the desire to have a measuring stick, esp when you really aren't sure what's too much etc., but ultimately you have to set it for yourself.
Anyway, in the book the authors make the statement and observation that, "the worse you think you are the worse you are." Of, course there is the desire to not "be in denial" or to assess your stuff accuaretly, but in that case one needs to look at it as just data to be evaluated. Invariably these counselors had noticed that thinking you are a raging alcoholic or junkie creates a self-fulfilling prophesy. Tell yourself that you can't stop and most likely you can't. Tell yourself that 1 drink is too many and 1000 isn't enough and that's how you'll behave. I am not totally discounting the physical or spritual component in our lack of moderation, I totally think there is an imbalance at work, all they were sugeesting and that I believe also is that self-talk can play a big part.
For example, I stopped by the tavern and had 2 beers with a friend last night. I wanted to have 1 and no more than 2 as I had to drive in about 2 hours, I was worried I wouldn't be able to control myself, but I did and know that in the past there have been times I have been able to do so. I had the whole worst case scenerio playing, I would keep drinking and wind up either loaded or at least drunk and I would have to cancel my appointment because I couldn't drive etc, then I stopped that and tried to remember all the times I have been able to moderate and focused on that. Part of me wanted another, part of me realised the beer just made me mildly buzzed, but more tired..beer often does that to me. So I could be like to myself, Oh you f*** up you had drinks during the week and you said you didn't want to do that, see you can't control yourself and you'll wind up with a dui or falling down your stairs or on skid row, etc, ad nausium or I could be like whoopie! I only had 2 beers and stopped. Each experinence and our self talk about it sets the stage for our next experience.
Trust me, when I am writhing with a hangover I ain't about all this positive talk stuff. I just realized that after Karma's first post on the thread and my thinking about the smoking bit I talked about earlier...I realized that over time I had managed to moderate a substance that is deamed more addictive than herion. Not perfectly, but to a really manageable level. And this is through what I might term aware acceptance, just being more aware of what, when and where I was doing something and just accepting it, rather than fighting it all the time and feeling deprived. Any way, this thread has just been and hope will continue to be great and I really thank Karma for coming back and sharing. It has really offere and validated alternate ways of viewing and doing things. Cheers
The worse you think you are...
the worse you are. This is an observation made by the addictions counselors who wrote "Over the Influence". A book I've mentioned in other posts and one that has been really helpful to me. These counselors preach harm reduction and working with individuals as individuals rather than lumping them together into some formulaic catagory. I can't stand that stuff, you know, "if you have more than 3 drinks per week you are a heavy drinker", by whose standards? Most "normal drinkers" I know will put away at least 3 beers at a game or picnic, etc and no one would consider them heavy drinkers. I am careful to not evaluate myself against standards that others or authorities set. I do understand the desire to have a measuring stick, esp when you really aren't sure what's too much etc., but ultimately you have to set it for yourself.
Anyway, in the book the authors make the statement and observation that, "the worse you think you are the worse you are." Of, course there is the desire to not "be in denial" or to assess your stuff accuaretly, but in that case one needs to look at it as just data to be evaluated. Invariably these counselors had noticed that thinking you are a raging alcoholic or junkie creates a self-fulfilling prophesy. Tell yourself that you can't stop and most likely you can't. Tell yourself that 1 drink is too many and 1000 isn't enough and that's how you'll behave. I am not totally discounting the physical or spritual component in our lack of moderation, I totally think there is an imbalance at work, all they were sugeesting and that I believe also is that self-talk can play a big part.
For example, I stopped by the tavern and had 2 beers with a friend last night. I wanted to have 1 and no more than 2 as I had to drive in about 2 hours, I was worried I wouldn't be able to control myself, but I did and know that in the past there have been times I have been able to do so. I had the whole worst case scenerio playing, I would keep drinking and wind up either loaded or at least drunk and I would have to cancel my appointment because I couldn't drive etc, then I stopped that and tried to remember all the times I have been able to moderate and focused on that. Part of me wanted another, part of me realised the beer just made me mildly buzzed, but more tired..beer often does that to me. So I could be like to myself, Oh you f*** up you had drinks during the week and you said you didn't want to do that, see you can't control yourself and you'll wind up with a dui or falling down your stairs or on skid row, etc, ad nausium or I could be like whoopie! I only had 2 beers and stopped. Each experinence and our self talk about it sets the stage for our next experience.
Trust me, when I am writhing with a hangover I ain't about all this positive talk stuff. I just realized that after Karma's first post on the thread and my thinking about the smoking bit I talked about earlier...I realized that over time I had managed to moderate a substance that is deamed more addictive than herion. Not perfectly, but to a really manageable level. And this is through what I might term aware acceptance, just being more aware of what, when and where I was doing something and just accepting it, rather than fighting it all the time and feeling deprived. Any way, this thread has just been and hope will continue to be great and I really thank Karma for coming back and sharing. It has really offere and validated alternate ways of viewing and doing things. Cheers
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