Seriously - WTF?!?

[Beaches]

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Hi Noella and so happy to see you back!

Yes we will help you and I agree that being more active on the boards and talking more is your best route. I was never a big talker and never talked about myself or my problems and that's why I landed in the mess of trouble with drinking I was in. That was until I found this place. I feel safe here that I can talk about serious issues and that I can also joke around and have a great time. Even though I will never meet these people they have become friends and I hope you allow that to happen for you as well.

Many times I have been at social functions watching others drink a couple drinks here and there then switch to water or soda and wondered how the heck do they do that. Or the people who are surrounded by alcohol who never once even pick it up. That was just foreign to me. Now, though I am one of those people. Don't get me wrong it has taken work and I have gotten a lot of advice here that has made it happen for me. Now I can go to big parties or even throw them at my home and only have a couple and not be the drunken fool I used to be and wake up the next morning ashamed wondering what the hell I did the night before. It can happen for you too.

You are not missing anything. Actually in my opinion you just found what you need again. You just need to keep up with it this time. Keep reading and posting and get serious. Order the supplements (Kudzu and Lglut are amazing in my opinion) and think seriously about Topamax or something else. You can get these online without ever involving your doctor if you want. Visit the Topamax,Campral etc thread on the main page...lots of good advice there.

I wish you the best.

[lucky 2.0]

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Hi Snoopy!

I know that voice you mention in your head also but know it really will shut up with the right new chemicals in your brain. I think nutrition and exercise are a huge part of a success program that is overlooked in the typical recovery models. I am a big fan of gaba, omega oils, and the All One.

I also believe you have got to replace the drinking behavior with something- like exercise or movies or knitting or cooking or whatever you want.....

All the best to you. I look forward to following your progress. You might want to reconsider inviting lushy to stay on your trail though! You are just begging for trouble with that request!

[nancy]

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Hi Noella
I chuckled a little at your message to Idiot Wind.
Did you know that "wind" has a double meaning in some parts of the world? It means gas (farts) in the UK.

Anyway, it sounds like you really want to work on this so welcome back.

I am a big Allan Carr pusher (author of easy way to stop drinking) so please excuse me when I say...
And no I have no financial connection to Allan Carr!

He says that this theory that everyone else is normal and we are deprived and somehow abnormal can be damaging to our efforts at sobriety. One of the things that makes it toughest to give up is the feeling of deprivation. Beaches is right, there are people who can stop after a few. But there are a lot of people in the gray areas. I know people who drink nonstop (shots of hard liquor plus pints) for a whole night but are still completely coherent at the night's end (typically these are men). Many people well overdrink the govt recommendations.

I also have known people, typically women, who regularly drank a bottle of wine a night and did not consider themselves alcoholics.

i think Allan is right that use of alcohol puts you on a slope towards addiction. We have to remember that alcohol is a drug and could result in dependence. I think probably some people are more susceptible. It's just so socially acceptable that we forget that.

Anyway, maybe it would help you to view it a bit less as you being somehow faulty and unable to cope with this potent drug.

[karma7171]

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stuff

Noella your post was exactly the same as mine not all that long ago. As for the Kudzu Root it is herbal and safe. The only side effect I had was going to the bathroom ALOT. Which was why when I first tried it when I first came to the boards I stopped taking it. But that does suside within about 10 days...and the benefit is that you no longer feel bloated.

Lucky...thanks for reminding me about that damn voice....I am glad he has left the house. I don't miss him one single bit.

I only drink lite beer which has been my drink of choice for a long time. About 10 years ago after a night of several shots and dry heaving myself to death I swore off of any hard liquor. I never like the taste of it anyways. A few weeks ago I ordered a glass of wine and after 2 sips just hated the taste so much I couldn't drink it. After I told my hubby that it cost $4.25 he choked it down. I could drink ALOT of lite beer in the past...now my max is around 6. I can't really explain it, except to relay what I have in recent posts.

Noella...I stood in your shoes. Several would be against what I am going to say...but go easy on yourself. This is not about you being a bad person or one without any self control. I didn't know that before no matter how many times I was told it...now I know it to to true.

Karma

[Noella]

Seriously - WTF?!?

Beaches, Nancy, Lucky, & Karma,

Thanks so much for your support! I've got my gym bag packed, and I'me planning on going straight to the gm after work (rather than to the grocery store, and the wine...) I'll say hi later!

-N

[Paddy]

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Hi Noella,

Good to see you back. There's no logical reason to be drinking. But the very fact that we're here means we want to handle it. And that's a good start, ey? Keep posting. And the despair will quickly disappear, you'll see.

I was where you were in October last year. Went into sort of controls Mods in February. And have been 20 AF days now. So nothing's impossible. We're here to support.

[Doggygirl]

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**waving to Noella toting her gym bag** Good for you!!! I need to follow suit on the exercise front so please feel free to nag me over that!

Paddy - I wanted to say hi and tell you how much I have enjoyed reading your detailed posts of your journey - especially in the Topomax Survey thread. I have read that thread from top to bottom - every post from every person. Congratulations on your 20 days of AF. While the notion of mods was very attractive to me at first, your posts really helped me think about my own situation and addiction on a much more brutal and practical level. While I will reserve a final decision for later, I laid awake in bed much of last night with the "Sleep Learning" CD looping, pondering why (for me) I WOULD ever want to drink again. I didn't come up with any reasons that I consider valid. "To feed my addiction" was pretty much the only TRUE reason.

Anyway, thanks for all the help you have given me without even knowing you were giving it.

DG
Day 2 AF

[AJAH]

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Hi:

I'm am new as well. I first started posting on a thread after having trouble getting some Topa but since have received a shippment and am well underway of 2 weeks of topa and the supplements at 50 mg. of topa heading into 75 mgs this coming Sunday. I have cut back significantly but have had 2 episodes where I have "drank over" the topa and felt lousy for doing it. I am playing with the supplements more so that they impact me when I feel the cravings vs. more of when the dosing schedule states. I also have tried working out the last 2 mornings early so that it forces me NOT to consume anything, or much of anything, in the evenings but rather turn into bed earlier which has helped drastically. Tonight will be the challenge when I have to attend a social event and how I can pass on a glass of wine or opt for just one and try and sip it for the 3 hours! I guess I like how this thread started because I too look at people and wonder why they can pass on drinks every evening and I feel like I need to have the glasses of wine or whatever I can find to calm the craving beast! What has really gotten me lately is that my girls who are now 11 and 13 are saying, "Mom, you were really out of it last night." I've talked with them and told them I have a problem. I am open with them about my disease and how it has hurt me, them and how I am trying to help myself. They are good kids, I have a great husband, marriage and family life so I want so much for this program to work. I am here in this journey to help you and in turn to help me. I want to be the role model for my kids that they deserve.

[Noella]

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Paddy - I agree with DG... your posts have always been among my favorites. And thanks for your support!

Ajah - It's so grat that you're being open with your girls. I have no idea what I'd do in that situation (probably try to hide it rather than fess up). I am definitely there with you about being nervous about going to places where people will be drinking. We have plans to go to dinner with riends this weekend, and there is usually quite a bit of drinking involved (and when they live 2 blocks away I can't even use the "I'm driving" excuse!) How did things go for you tonight?

DG - The gym was VERY useful. I spent a lot of time exercising (looking forward to hurting for a good reason tomorrow morning) and it was enough to get over the Major part of the cravings. For the record, watching the perfectly toned, perfectly tanned 20-somethings work out was also pretty good inspiration (Without the calories of alcohol, maybe I'll have that type of body someday) :wings:

-Noella

[groovychick]

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Hi Noella!

TOTALLY feel your pain.

Yes, I've thought that many times.

How on earth can people stop drinking when there's good wine/cocktails/beer left?

What kind of crap genes am I hauling through this life?

Congrats for coming back here, congrats for reaching out and asking for some nagging-- I think we can all relate to that need! There should be a "Please Nag Me" list or exchange somewhere here.

Anyway-- here's a niggling nag for you: throw out all your alcohol paraphernalia right now! Commit to your quit!

Best,
GC

[Hannah]

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Noella, I just logged on to this site today for the first time. I remember my brother, who was an alcoholic and died too young at 35, once said to me "Picture a beautifull summer day, sun shining, grass green, you sitting on your deck - how can you picture that without an ice cold beer in your hand?" and I was appalled. Now the only change to that picture is that it is now me, with an ice cold glass of white wine. But, we've cleaned ourselves up somewhat before, we can do it again. We have to believe, we have to lean on each other. You go girl, I know you can do it.

[trixietrack]

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imatree;162301 wrote: It occurred to me in the past couple days, and I thought about it a lot last night, that for a hell of a lot of people, there is one of their attempts to quit drinking that is no longer an attempt, but is a success. I seem to have been operating in a mindset (based on all the failures to quit I'd seen in my family growing up and my own failures quit) that the struggle with alcohol is about the struggle - trying and failing and trying again and failing again ... success was just a dream part of it but never truly, in my mind, a genuinely attainable reality.

I started thinking about the people I know and know of and all those I don't know who have quit, who did have that last day of drinking and first day of not drinking that was the first day of freedom... it was revalatory for me.
I REALIZED THAT IT IS POSSIBLE AND CAN BE MY REALITY TO ATTAIN MY GOALS OF SOBRIETY AND HEALTH AND FREEDOM FROM ADDICTION.
That the struggle with alcohol does not have to be a never-ending cycle of trying and failure.
This awareness caused a major shift in my consciousness, mind, spirit, entire Being.

And NOW I know I will be free.
Today is my third AF day. I've made so many attempts before, so many times I've thought "This time I'm going to do it" - but NEVER have I felt like this before.
I feel FREE. It's only been 3 days, but I am confident that I have released the shackles that doomed me to repeat my history, to be chained to my addiction and crutch, that kept me hidden away in the dark cave frightened of the light.

Ima you go!!!!!!

[retteacher]

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Noella: I'm so glad to see you back. It doesn't matter how many times we fall as long as we get up again. In my circle of friends, there is no one that drinks alcoholically except me. I've been watching them drink. I've come to the conclusion that I must stay AF, because I cannot do what they do:
-leave drinks unfinished because they forgot? about them.
-pour drinks down the drain because they didn't want to finish them.
-forget to drink their drinks & just leave them sitting there.
-pour the little that's left in the bottle down the drain because they didn't want to store an almost empty bottle.
-keep liquor in the house & not drink it.
-switch from liquor to soft drinks because "they've had enough."
These are things I cannot do; therefore, in order to stay sober I have to drink soft drinks from the get-go. I've been doing the "one day at a time" approach (though I have been keeping count through DrinkTracker). I feel like I could jinx myself if I declare a count...at least at this stage (I'm very new to AF). Keep trying!

Mary

[Doggygirl]

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**waving to Noella** Have you had more trips to the gym to check out the hot bods..oops I mean exercise?????

Mary, another great post I can relate to. I don't see myself ever being able to do that list of things that true "social drinkers" do either. Mr. Doggy is one of those, so I know very well what it looks like and I just can't imagine it ever being me. But that's OK.

Your point about day counting was interesting. Of course different strokes for different folks - and I can understand your point of view on that!!

As is obvious, I'm a BIG day counter, but this is also a "transfer" from an action that helped me quit smoking. On some level, quitting smoking in a broad sense is IMO, more straight forward than dealing with drinking. Nealy ALL smokers (98% is a statistic I've read in studies) cannot go from smoking regulary to smoking occassionally. I lost a quit before thinking somehow I could miraculously "smoke one now and then" so I believe that statistic. Newer things like Chantrix are making a difference. I didn't know about that when I quit so it was just a white knuckle game. The first month in particular was SO horrible - I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER want to go through it again. EVER. I know I will not ever smoke again for many reasons, but THAT reason is number 1.

So.. counting the days for me is an assessment of what I stand to LOSE if I make a stupid decision to light up when one of those inevitable thoughts crosses my mind. With each day that goes by, I've got more to lose. Since I really want to be AF in life, I'm choosing to view drinking the exact same way, even though the "truth" of it might not be as extreme in reality "for most people" as it is "for most people" who quit smoking.

Sorry for all this babbling. See what a good night sleep does to me? I type faster!!!

DG
Day 8 AF********

[idiot_wind]

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Yes, Nancy...

Thanks for pointing out that if you call me Idiot or Wind, it's still insulting...LMAO :-P