Newbies in need - Day 12

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: Yesterday I was AF & realized one of the reasons why I drank. I don't have to deal w/life's ups & downs. When I'm drinking, there's the planning & getting of the wine, there's the drinking, & there's the hangover & feelings of guilt (& the compensation that goes along w/the guilt). All that takes time & energy that I'd be putting into living life & dealing w/it.

Tomorrow, we're going to our friend's beach house for a party. I'm making my plan, especially for that first drink which is the hardest to refuse. Wish me luck.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Newbies in need - Day 12

Good morning (well, it's morning where I am anyway - gotta love the international flavor of this community!)!! Mary, it sounds like you've been doing a lot of reflecting, and I am really enjoying reading your insights. I practically stop breathing when I think about what I will do when I'm no longer spending most of my days slaving away after the friggin' booze. There are so many possibilities it's overwhelming. Good for you making a plan so you know in advance how you will handle things at the beach party. I hope that having a plan in advance will allow you to relax and just enjoy the day and your friends without too much worry!

I am so thrilled to have Day 1 AF under my belt. I am incredibly fortunate to have Mr. Doggy's non-judgemental support. I'm lucky that I don't have a ton of work related pressure (I work from home basically part time in our own business - Mr. Doggy has the pressure job in the whole thing!). I also don't have other responsibilities like kids or elderly parent care, or things like that. On one hand it means lots of time on my hands when I remove the time spend drink plotting - to Mary's point above. But it also means I have the flexibility to do what I need to do for ME in this early stage without losing my mind over a whole bunch of various life pressures. Who knows when that could change - both me and Mr. Doggy's parents are up in years. So NOW is an excellent time in life to address my addiction and try to nip it in the bud. One never knows what twists and turns life might take tomorrow.

I had trouble sleeping last night - thank goodness for all the info on this site - I wasn't surprised. I had the Sleep Learning CD going on "endless loop" and while I did doze off from time to time, I spent a lot of time thinking about why I would ever want to drink again. I couldn't come up with an answer. So many of the reasons I drank way back when simply don't apply any more. (i.e. fitting in with friends when I was in the 18 - 25 or so age range). Shoot - I avoid people with my drinking now because I'm trying to hide my problem. I used to think I enjoyed a nice glass of wine with dinner. Well, maybe there was a time with that was really true. But these days a glass of wine is just a great beginning to another glass of wine, and another and another. To hell with the food much of the time! So that reason no longer fits for me and my habit. I really could not think of a single GOOD reason I would ever want to drink again. If I ever do, I think it will be 100% a matter of feeding my addiction and nothing more or less.

Of course I am NOT in any way trying to speak for anyone else. That was just my own ramble about ME in the middle of the night last night!!

By 7:30 PM when I laid down to just chill and watch some TV I had been feeling edgy for awhile. Nothing real bad - just a mood of "I've got 1 nerve left so don't you dare step on it." I recall Day 1 of not smoking being WAY, WAY worse than that. Did I want to pour a drink? Yes of course I did. Would I have been REALLY wanting to pour a drink if more stress was going on? Absolutely. But....if it doesn't get a whole lot worse than yesterday, I really want to do this AF. But I know it's a one day at a time thing and I'm trying to keep that perspective.

So...here's to TODAY!! Thanks to everyone for your support.

DG
Day 2 of AF

[Sweet Cheeks]

Newbies in need - Day 12

Hi,

Well done DG - I'm on a/f day 2 third time around - we can do it. I sooo relate to what you say, I used to be able to have one or two glasses of wine because I wanted to, now it's a case of 1 or 2 bottles because I needed to! What went wrong down the line - well actually I know the answer so don't even know why I'm asking it - I'm addicted!!

Mary - hope the beach party went well and you stuck to your plan. Even if you didn't at least you had one to start with. I agree that the majority of people with any sort of addiction do it to avoid life's daily drudge and yes we do spend too much time wasting it, rather than enjoying it. I should have learnt that when I lost my mum nearly 2 years ago. If there is an afterlife I hope that she can get me through this.

I didn't sleep too well last night either - I did get to a/f day 4 a couple of weeks ago and I was behaving like a bear with a sore head, which I understood was perfectly normal. Let's hope I can go beyond day 4 and come over the other side.

Good luck guys - hang in there.
Sweet
xx

[Kitty]

Newbies in need - Day 12

Hi all,

Mary you are so right about the time involved with drinking. If I think about all the extra hours I've spent just trying to sleep off the hangovers, and all the hours spent whilst blacked out so I might as well have been asleep.

DG and Sweet congrats on af days. The sleeping thing does get easier. I had to change a few things to help. No caffeine after 6 and no late TV or logging on. I even stopped reading in bed for a while because that was stimulating my brain a bit too much.

My Topa arrived this morning and I am scared stiff to take it now. I've done alot of research both here and the net so I should be confident. I think now that it is here in my hand..Still a couple of hours until my first dose, so fngers crossed.

Have a good day everyone.


Kitty

[cassy]

Newbies in need - Day 12

Hi Re teacher/ Mary

yes i can agree with you about time wasted on the booze..planning, drinking, recovering , guilt tripping and was thinking the very same thing this am.

i went to Mass which i do whenevee i am off work(been off sick..nothing major thankfully) and guess what the priest did his homily/talk on...wasting time dwelling on our weaknesses!!!!He went on in a nutshell to say enough to know what our weaknesses are and pray to God for help in those area BUT GO GET OUT THERE LIVE LIFE SERVING OTHERS ETC..THATS WHAT BRINGS PEACE AND JOY.

He said too much energy is spent by people dwelling on their failures/ weaknesses and they are too mentally exhausted to really enjoy life.

so if this was to be your last day how would you spend it....for me hopefully not wasting it worrying about the past because thats gone and sorted...i went off after mass with a spring in my step and have had a lovely day so far. got the evening planned(no boozing weekdays if i can manage it)..got a night out saurday so thats my evening of moderation. i also went out with a friend another evening and had some wine too.

i read some posts on here earlier from people who are getting mentally drained from just planiing, avoiding , coping with addiction...and some said they needed a break from thinking about it and spending too much time on this site.

whatever works to give people peace is good. enjoythe resyt of the day everyone.

Cassy

[Janice]

Newbies in need - Day 12

Beg of May I joined MWO and it seems a lifetime away now - during that first month being Af was my focus for tyhe daty. I'm readibng your postys but to be honest I'm struggling and need some ijnspiration - just what is the pointy.

[hart]

Newbies in need - Day 12

I did drink last nite. But told Joe don't pick up any beer for me tonite. I like how I felt yesterday, I wasn't AF but only 3 beers is a big plus. Though I will give myself that Joe drank a lot of my beer so I didn't drink as much as usual today either. Took my Campral and will keep doing so.

I too had trouble sleeping last nite. It's so dang hot!!! I hate 100 degree days, not my cup of tea. Not that it was that hot inside but I sleep better when I'm actually a little cold. Stupid weather!

[helpingmyself]

Newbies in need - Day 12

Hi Kitty,

You said your Top arrived this morning. Did you get it through the mail? I thought it was prescription only. Just checking. I live in a small town and for now would live to keep my addition and recovery private.

Helpingmyself

[Kitty]

Newbies in need - Day 12

Hi Helping,

I ordered Topa through Aclepsa, as they don't prescibe here in the UK for off-label purposes. Aclepsa are cheap but not always reliable, check out the Meds section here. You have to answer a few questions online at Aclepsa then their physician writes you a srcipt, I said I wanted Topa for migraines and had no trouble.

Hope this helps,

Kitty

[Doggygirl]

Newbies in need - Day 12

Well, I think The World has decided to test me this morning. :durn: Nothing life threatening or tragic, just a pile of little things that add up to irritation. Well, what doesn't force me to kill someone will make me stronger, right?

Sweet Cheeks, congratulations on getting to day 2!!!! Let's make a deal - if either of us has to kill someone, the other will help hide the body, OK? BAH!! I'm actually looking forward to the hypnotic time later. WE CAN DO THIS!!

Kitty, please keep us posted on how the Topa works for you. Mine isn't even here yet and I've already got sweaty palms about trying it. Fingers crossed for you!! How's Monty? Oh - and on the "time wasted" thing, I used to smoke as well so I don't even know how I got ANYTHING done other than the cycles of cr@p with both addictions. (well, I haven't gotten much done in life for a long time...duh)

Hello Janice!!! What are you struggling with? I hope you will post more so we can root for your success.

CASSY!!! Did you feel like the priest was reading your mind???? That woulda freaked me out a little. I bet it's a good sign though!

Hi Helping and welcome!! There is lots of information on Topamax, where you can get it on-line, the pros and cons of considering doing that, etc. in the "Topomax, Cantral, ....." Section of this site. I spent hours reading in that section before deciding to place an on-line order without doctor involvement. It is a serious decision but I think you will find that section helpful.

OK - I've decided to smile instead of throw things today. I WILL make it AF no matter what for today. That is a promise to myself. Tomorrow is another day.

hart - sounds like you are doing great with your goals!! Man I hear you on 100 degree heat. We've had a nice break in our heat wave yesterday and today. But I tell you, I CANNOT get the bedroom cold enough at night to suit me when the temps get up to 100 or close in the day. Wishing cooler weather to head your way!

DG

[AJAH]

Newbies in need - Day 12

I've had trouble sleeping with the heat and I have found the Calmes Forte is really helping me. I've been taking 3 before bedtime and I slept very well. I also found that taking the topa before dinner vs. lunchtime helps me get to sleep better because one of the side effects that I'm trying to get used to is being sleepy. People say on the topa thread this will pass in time. I sure hope because the combo of heat, meds and allergies is enough to make anyone want to pull hair out!

Cassy, sometimes messages come when we need to hear them the most! I agree with DG that is is a good sign. You have angels looking out for you!

DG - Don't worry about starting the topa. Just start slow as suggested and you should be fine. My only thing is that it is making me sleepy as I stated but I think that will pass. Just remember that it is only a med and I have realized that you can "drink over" it so that you need to take it when it will be most effective so I have learned to take before dinner vs. at lunchtime. I'm in only 1.5 weeks of it so far.

I'm growing more nervous about an upcoming social event I have tonight. I may try to break a L-Glut cap. and put 1/2 under my tongue before I go because I read that helps with emergency cravings. I want to try my hardest not to have more than 1 glass of anything tonight, if that! I'm on a 2 day roll with exercise and not drinking so I want to keep it going.

[Butterflybe]

Newbies in need - Day 12

Good luck to you tonight Ajah. You sound very positive and seem to be working things out ahead of what might prove difficult. I hope the combination of meds and strategies help you through without even that 1 glass, if that is how you want to play it. Keep it to 1 glass and you should still be proud of yourself!
Butterfly

[Doggygirl]

Newbies in need - Day 12

AJAH, thanks for the encouragement re: Topa, and also for some info about your early experience with it. Best wishes to you for your social event tonight, and being able to meet your goals.

Hi Butterflybe!

Well, you guys are NOT going to believe this. Shortly after Kitty's post about her Topa arriving and my last post, the mail person got here with a "sign for" package. I ordered from River Pharmacy and the est. arrival date was between 7/18 and 7/25. I can't believe the shipment got here EARLY!! Someone in customs must have had a hangover and was just rubber stamping everything that day or something.

I wasn't quit prepared for facing the "Topa or Nopa" question TODAY. And of course the eville addict who lives in my head said "oh good! now we can have drinks today and sorta start over tomorrow with ALL the tools!" Of all the things I tried to be prepared for today, that little head game was not one of them.

Oh geez. Once again I apologize for probably driving everyone nuts with 57609476 posts.

DG

[Butterflybe]

Newbies in need - Day 12

DG
Good luck with the Topa. Shipment arriving today must be a message from 'somewhere'! Let us know how you get on with it.
Butterfly

[Guest]

Newbies in need - Day 12

Am finally checking in here at 7.30 pm.
Had a major setback last night and `revelled` in more than a bottle of wine......blamed last night on suspected rodent problem, whereas if truth be told, any excuse would have sufficed to start me drinking to excess, as I`ve been slipping back over the past wk. and half.

Am really and truly `sitting on the fence` now......have been seriously considering abs this past wee while........can`t decide where I go from here..........think possibly the 30 days abs would give me a better grounding for moderation.

Am just confused and bitterly disappointed at my `devil- may- care` attitude last night. Seem to be in wreckless mode.......have brought another btl. home tonight........hope I don`t open it............really can`t predict whether I`ll drink or not tonight..........

Hope I get a grip of myself sooner rather than later........

Much love to all,

Starlight Impress