First Day, brief overview of my problems

[me145]

Hey, my name is Colleen. I am 25 years old, from Long Island, NY. I just was googling drinking alcohol stuff and came upon this site. I flipped my car over when i was 23 from drinking. I used to always drive drunk and didn trealize what happens when you get caught. well it was a huge thing, i got a dwi of course. I took classes on drinking so what they basically told me was: A social drinker is someone who can go out for a few drinks. A problem drinker is someone who might drink three times a week, or even once a week, but often binge drinks and likes to get drunk. They defined an alcoholic as someone who is physically and mentally addicted to alcohol. I know exactly what they mean because my uncle wakes up in the morning and drinks till he sleeps at night. just lives being drunk. I am not like that, but what i am is someone who blacks out once a week, or once every two weeks, drink about three times a week, becomes an angry bitch when im drunk at times, ( also a different person), and the worst part is that i do not know how to stop when i pass say my fourtth or fifth beer. I have a boyfriend who drinks everyday, more than me, however, he knows when to stop. he will get drunk, be happy, and slow down or stop. Me, if im out at the bar and keep on goin, i stumble home or about a month ago my bf had to carry me home... anyway. i was on zoloft for awhile. i know that drinking effects the medication, and it just wasnt working ( prob because i had to increase the dosage, plus had to stop drinking, and i couldnt do it) So i do have depression, no doubt. which is partly the reason i have problems with drinking, and the other part is that it runs on both sides of my family very VERY badly. both my grandparents died with a drinking issue (* grandma fell down stairs drunk, grandpa died cuz of something with his liver from drinking they said) So basically im always worried, bored, somewhat depressed, thinking life is boring and i need to drink or go out. However, im not sure if its a coincidence but since i have came off my zoloft ( now doing natural things with amino acids and b vitamins and 5-htp-helping somewhat, about the same as zoloft) I have been doing "OK". not great, but i can go out and say, ok im going to have just four drinks and i have to fight myself to stop, but i can do it. as of before where it felt close to impossible. my bf has noticed an improvement. i read articles on it and supposedly antidepressants can worsen your alcohol problems. im not sure if its true or a coincidence, i dont really know. time will tell. but for the past month that ive been off of my meds, i havent blacked out or really fucked up with the drinking. anyway.... so thats about it. this week i felt i didnt do to good, i drank three times. Monday hat two and a half light beers, yesterday had about six( which is alot) and then ill def be drinking this weekend. ill let ya guys know how oit goes. i dunno im trying to moderate it because if i dont, aa is the only other option. its sad, because i am young. i am 25 years old and very knowledgeable about how alocholism goes in:goodjob: stages, etc, however being 25 and having to never go out to bars and quit drinking, is very VERY hard. i look for excitement, and i have friends. the thing they do is go out on fridays and saturdays. and dance. and have fun. so its not like im married with kids yet. alright, ill write again. just wanted to introduce myself. good luck guys!:goodjob:

[retteacher]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

Dear Me: I too do not know when to stop. Once I start, there is no "off" switch. For me, the worst part of drinking are the black-outs. I've been a member here since April, & while I haven't been alcohol free (AF) since then, I have had fewer binges. Currently, I've been on a AF roll, & I feel better than I've felt in a long time. By the way, since alcohol is a depressant, I wonder if your mood would lift if you stop drinking?

Anyhow, welcome to MWO. Keep coming & sharing. Mary

[me145]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

Hey, its nice to talk to someone who has the same problem where there is no "off" switch. Its amazing how some of my friends go out and have two or three and theyre like, "nah, don tfeel like drinking anymore" i have to fight my urges in order for that to happen, if i followed what i wanted to do it would be to keep drinking. Yes, i do know for a fact that i feel mentally better without drinking, because ive gone about four or five days without drinking ( maybe like once every few months because now i m up to about three to four times a week) and i feel better.. HOWEVER i still get that bored of life urge and feel like going out... my recent pyschiatrist told me that with alcoholics, our brains are different than normal brains... it IS a genetic thing he says.. and he says that it takes about two to three weeks to start feeling mentally better. I havent accomplished or had the willpower to try it out of course. because if i did there is a good possibility i wouldnt BE so bored and feel like going out drinking again. part of that boredom is just a melancholy slightly sad feeling. where are eyou located? whats your age? if you dont mind me asking.

[Butterflybe]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

Welcome Colleen, this is a great site for moral support and advice. I am new here too and feel a great sense of security in logging in and posting... don't feel alone with my problem and find so many words of wisdom and support, along with some wit and inevitably some sad tales too.
Take care of yourself. Pleased you survived the accident you had a couple of years ago, sounds scarey, but best not to drink drive, heh? That is one strict rule I have with myself and I do manage to keep to it. Sometimes I commit myself to having to drive so I won't start drinking early. If I can manage that why can't I manage just to choose not to drink?
Keep in touch.
Butterfly

[Sweet Cheeks]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

Welcome Colleen,

You'll certainly get alot of support from this site. We're all fighting thesame battle here and have a common goal. It's certainly not easy and we all have alot of ups and downs but we all help and encourage each other along the way.

At least you've made the first step and come clean. I too seem to have lost the ability to say no and carry on regardless but since logging on to this site about a month ago, I have managed to string together some a/f days, which is a huge achievement.

As Butterfly said, glad you survived the accident - was it the wake up call that made you think about what you are doing? Like you say at 25 you're so young. If you can break the cycle now, it's a start.

Keep posting.
Sweet:welcome:

[Doggygirl]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

Hi Colleen and welcome to MWO. I'm glad you found us!! I am 49 years old, and have been drinking way to much since I was about 18. I think I've been somewhere close to where you are. I've never been on prescription anti-depressants, but I HAVE led a life that seemed boring and no fun without the BoozeBeast in it. In my twenties, I couldn't even imagine having fun that didn't invovle meeting friends at the bars, or having booze accompany nearly every activity that wasn't either school classes or work. Like you, and as Mary so eloquently described, I too was born without the off switch.

I can't know where your current path might take you, but here's where I ended up. I'm not sure exactly when this happened, but the formerly "fun" group sport of drinking while doing everything that wasn't work became a very lonely, solo sport. I guess it started with "starting early" so by the time I met my friends, it would "appear" (yea right) that I was drinking at a more reasonable pace than reality. Then of course I would continue with my own little party after getting home.

Then it got to a point where I would start earlier in the day. "5PM" became "5PM somewhere" which became "3PM" then "3PM somewhere" then "noon" then "noon somewhere." When you start drinking at "noon somewhere" you are in no kind of shape to meet friends at 5 or 6 PM at a bar (and let's not even talk about driving at that point, which thankfully I didn't go there). Keeping drinking became really, really important to me. Being "outed" as a problem drinker was something I carefully avoided, so I avoided friends and social situations too. That's how I ended up a lonely drunk.

So...I applaud you LOUDLY for discovering your possible issue while you are young. Maybe you can moderate. Maybe you can't. But you have the opportunity to avoid years of more wasted time.

Looking back on my own wasted time, I realize that lots and lots and lots of people have a BLAST in life without drinking. It's easier for folks like us to associate drinking with fun, and to think the fun will end without the booze. But if you look around beyond the bar, it's easy to see that there is LOT's of fun - even MORE fun possible out there if we get free of this ball and chain.

Have you downloaded the Book yet? If not, that is a wonderful place to start!!

DG
Day 8 Alcohol Free!!!!! Thank you MWO

[me145]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

hey guys, thanks for the replies! yes we are all struggling with basically the same issue, maybe at different levels, but the same thing. no alcohol, no fun, ( we "feel" that way), problems stopping once they start, hating to be looked at as an "alcoholic" by people, etc. im going to ATTEMPT to control it, and hope it doesnt get worse. so far , so good.. but im not sure if this will last, or if its becaus i stopped the zoloft, or whatever.. just gotta see.. gotta live and learn. The accident caused alot of emotional stresss to me, not so much that i could have died believe it or not, ( i have a very HIGH faith in God, maybe its not right, but i just have this feeling he wont let me die right now) but just more the embarassement and the money my dad paid for a lawyer, and the classes i had to take about alcohol, and being in jail for a night.. and no car afterwoulds ( it hit a tree and then flipped) so that accident helped me to not drink and drive every weekend like i used to... i try my best not to right now.. and i do good usually. i will NEVER drive drunk like i used to, however at times i make the mistake of driving after having say three drinks when i know im over the limit. it is a mistake and i regret it believe me. but i woudlnt ever drive drunk like iused to. on top of THAT accident, three months ago my boyfriend and i were in his car, he was driving, i was passing out drunk/tired i nthe front seat with no seatbelt on, and he had some alcohol im him, but was fixing his ipod and we hit a pole at fifty miles per hour. my head hit the windsheiled and cracked it.... i was knocked unconsciuos and the cops all came to the scene and told the people they were pretty sure this girl wasnt going to make it. wasnt breathing right. a helicopter came and took me to the hospital. i was in a coma for a few days, woke up, and had not much of a memory of the next month. so yeah. no one drink and drive. my bf never got charged... he had blood test taken three hours after the actual accident, so im pretty sure he was over the limit at the accident, but was probbly just under when they took the blood at the hospital. alright guys, ill chat with ya laters!

[SKendall]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

Hi Colleen,:welcome:

Lots of great supportive people on this site.

[Butterflybe]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

Colleen,
Sorry if I sounded somewhat heavy on the no drink and drive factor, I didn't mean to be that way at all, and in no way was I being judgemental I can assure you. Think it is just one thing I am proud I do not do. So much else to mess up on, have to hold on to something good. Sorry if it came accross in the wrong way.
Butterfly

[Beaches]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

Colleen,
I welcome you to the site. You will find so many people in your situation and so many people who have fought and come out on the other side, that's why it's so great here.
Keep posting and I wish you all the best!!

[retteacher]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

Colleen: I'm old enough to be your mother (62) & retired. I've been drinking alcoholically for about 5 - 7 years. It's been a progressive disease for me...getting a little bit worse w/each passing day. I drink mostly alone & in secret (which is absolutely awful for my self-esteem). I've put almost 9 AF days together & am just beginning to see the alcoholic haze lift. For me, drinking is a cycle: plan to drink, binge, recover & feel ashamed. It's taken a long time to get out from under that cloud.

You've spoken of boredom. Alcohol does rev up our brains (endorphins), only to cause the inevitable crash later on. I came to depend on alcohol for that high & didn't feel like anything else could do it for me. I'm finding other ways to enjoy life.

Mary

[me145]

First Day, brief overview of my problems

hey, no dont worry, i didnt take it that way. i knoew you gys are very understanding. its awesome u know not to drin kand drive, bc our brains change when we drink and we think oh its ok! but im MUCH different now. i just dont even bring my car when im gonna go out to a bar pretty much. ttyl!