Newbies in need - Day 22

[retteacher]

Dear Friends: I don't go to AA meetings, but I do read the AA literature. There is a truism in AA that is also true for me: "Resentment is our number one enemy." I'm a person that can let a resentment fester to the point where I feel I have to blot it out w/alcohol. Now, after 12 days AF, I can see that I cannot afford to harbor resentments. I have 2 choices:
1. I can say or do something about the resentment.
or
2. I can let it go (how important is it?).
Those are simple choices but not easy.

Janice & Liz: I reread yesterday's newbie in need thread & saw your posts. I'm very grateful that you're back. We need you as much as you need us.

Have a wonderful day. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Newbies in need - Day 22

Good morning mary and Hi to all Newbies in need to come.

Mary, that's another good pearl of wisdom for us to ponder today. I don't tend to get bothered by a lot of little stuff, but when something DOES "grab" me that way, I have a hard time letting go of it. Even if action is appropriate, and I take the action, I can still spend too much time festering even after I've done all I can do.

Does the literature you are reading offer any good tips for letting things go out of your head that don't seem to want to leave?? I'm all ears!!!

Dog training day (nearly every Saturday) went well. The weather was beyond perfect for July - sunny but cool (not over 75 when it CAN be 100 this time of year). The dogs all did well. The cast of characters was in rare form. I thought of drinking a LOT. That gave me a chance to practice asking myself WHY I thought I wanted a drink. Here I was really enjoying myself, laughing, talking, etc. What on earth could have a drink done to make this any better. (NOTHING!) So it was just my addicted BoozeBeast in my head wanting a little fix. Nope.

I also had my first experience going to the liquor store. I went and picked up beer for the guys. Handling beer is no problem for me as I haven't liked it in many years. I DID think I deserved SOMETHING for my trouble for making the beer run. I am proud to say that after eying the Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream longingly, I settled on one of those new fangled Diet Ice Teas. Another thing "practiced" successfully without feeding my beast!

I also told a person who is not Mr. Doggy face to face that I quit drinking. I didn't set out to do that, but when training was over and I brought out some beers, I said "oops I forgot my iced tea." One of the guys who obviously knows me well said "YEAH RIGHT." I looked him in the eye and calmly said "I haven't had a drop in almost 2 weeks." After he picked his jaw up off the driveway, he asked why. I simply said I was tired of it and it didn't really fit in my life any more. And that was that. Felt like another layer of the onion came off.

Anyway, a couple of firsts for the day, and an all around good day. And today will be an AF day too!

Happy Trails!!

DG
Day 12 AF * * * * * * * * * * * *(my gold stars)

[CAPRICORN1]

Newbies in need - Day 22

hello mary, and dg,

great subject...resentment, anger...which always leads to anxiety...holding it in, or letting it out by yelling or any other unattractive way...always leading to self-hate...then relapse.

i am fighting a similar pattern but this time realising it...i think cognitive therapy helps...does anyone out there know more? any good books on this? suggestions?

thanx, cap

[retteacher]

Newbies in need - Day 22

Hi DG & Cap: DG: The AA program is a spiritual program, & they suggest praying for the strength to let go of the resentment ("Let Go & Let God" is one of their slogans). Additionally, they suggest praying for the person you feel the resentment toward. That's a difficult one for me w/only one person who deeply offended me 4 years ago. Thank God I no longer see him, so he doesn't occupy too much space in my head the way he used to. This doesn't mean we have to like the person or have them over for dinner. It just allows us to move on. DG, great job in the liquor store & especially your response to your friend...it was so forthright, so you!

Cap: I just ordered the "Feeling Good Handbook" by David D. Burns. I saw it recommended in the "What We're Reading" section of these forums. I'll let you know.

Have a great day. Love, Mary

[nancy]

Newbies in need - Day 22

The book Feeling Good is very good. It helps you realize that other people don't control you. Also, there is lot of good material about depression and anti-depressants. It's very good for helping people with negative thinking styles that lead to depression. It is based on cognitive behavior therapy techniques. since reading it, I have become good at picking out my own cognitive distortions...

[CAPRICORN1]

Newbies in need - Day 22

thank you mary and nancy...sounds great...will go find today...in need of more knowlege in this area before my anxiety gets ahold of me!

cap

[rottrod]

Newbies in need - Day 22

Mary, I read your post,

Remember that Don Henly song

"There are people in your life who've come and gone
They've cut you down,
You know they've hurt your pride,
You gotta put it all behind you
Because life goes on.
You keep carrying around that anger
It'll eat you up inside.
It's time to get down to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak and my thought seem to scatter
but I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness,
even if, even if you don't love me anymore."

I only bring it up because I think that's a brilliant message for a pop song and it was relevant for me when it came years ago.

I used to be a bitter angry person about a lot of things. After slowly dealing with those issues one by one I realized that when I was resentful toward someone the only person it hurt was me, and at some very deep and powerful levels. It spilled over into so many other areas of my life It didn't hurt them, they had moved on. If I resented them further for that then still it only hurt me. So I realized. If I let this affect one more day or moment of my life it's because I allow it to happen, not because they are doing it. I began to see it as a choice I was making, not as someones behavior toward me.

I don't want to over simplify things but now I am a truly happy person. I don't let those things build up inside. As soon as it starts I deal with it. If I don't confront the person I force myself to let it go. Not worth one second of inner stress, one point of blood pressure. Why did it hurt me? Do I really have an issue? Or, does that person have something they need to deal with that really isn't my problem?

I hope everyone is having a great Sunday.

Melissa

[nancy]

Newbies in need - Day 22

I found it useful. He gives labels to everything. so for example, if you look to the future and think something is going to go horribly wrong, that is the "fortune teller" distortion. or if you say things like "I can't do anything" that is the overgeneralization distortion.

It's about becoming more rational in your self-perception.

Also, you should look into your diet and make sure your diet is good for reducing anxiety. The book Food and Mood is good, I wrote a review of it in What We Are Reading.

[wakupmom]

Newbies in need - Day 22

Hi all

Well i have just logged on and brought myself up to date with the latest from newbies.As usual am so interested in all the thought provoking messages,and can so relate to them all.Only this evening after dropping my sons friends home(was his birthday party)out of no where came a flash back of some hurt i had experienced in the past.An overwhelming feeling of emotion!What to do?let it in or push it away?thats when you understand the reasons to blot.Then the realisation that its only a tempory solution.So if you dare let the flood gates open, feel,then let go.
Well done again DG,Mary,and to Nancy,rottrod,everyone here who i feel are amazing with their honesty.It isn't easy.Heres to the begining of another week.Hope you find some inner peace and tranquillity xx

[CAPRICORN1]

Newbies in need - Day 22

thank you rotrod for the beautiful song to remember your wise words by...simplicity is best but so easy, can't see it sometimes...very very helpful all...

cap:l