Newbies in need - Day 23

[retteacher]

Dear Friends: Hopefully everyone had a wonderful weekend. I finally have the confidence to say that I'm just beginning day 14 AF. I know I cannot get over-confident because of something that happened last night. I was out walking the dog & passed by my neighbors house. He had his trash & recyclables out in anticipation of the trashman coming today. In the recyclable box, I spied many empty wine bottles, an empty vodka bottle, etc. My inner alcoholic immediately kicked up a huge "I'm-having-a-drink" ruckus in my head. Who would think empty bottles could trigger that kind of thinking? I came right inside & got on to MWO & just read posts. That calmed the craving down. This incident reminds me that I have to be vigilant. I see the cravings coming less frequently, and sometimes I can anticipate them. By the way, I feel that when a person puts his bottles out on display for all the world to see, this proves he isn't an alcoholic. He doesn't wrap & bury them in the regular trash or find an out-of-the-way trash receptacle to smuggle them into the way I've done in the past. Have a great day everyone! Mary

[Doggygirl]

Newbies in need - Day 23

Mary, congratulations on Day 14! And just for you, from my inner child, * * * * * * * * * * * * * * (your gold stars). You are doing an awesome job not just "not drinking" but really exploring yourself to understand "you" better. I admire that, and you help me a lot with the thoughts you share.

Your point today about staying ever vigilant - and the "voice in your head" is a good one. While I wish I had never started smoking oh so long ago, I sure learned a lot through the process of quitting smoking that applies here as well. With smoking - I was never one to be quitting every other week or anything. In keeping with my "all or nothing" general ways I've only made two serious attempts at quitting smoking - obviously 1 failed. The first quit attempt was about 15 years ago. As with this recent quit, the first month in particular was sheer hell and there is no other way to describe it. As time kept ticking along it finally started getting easier - less frequency and intensity to the thoughts of smoking. But that Nicodemon is ever present. At 6 months, the Nicodemon started up with that biggest Nicodemon lie of all...."now we're not addicted any more. If we are REELY REEEEELY careful, we can smoke just one every now and then...." I bought it (stupid). In a matter of less than one week I was right back to 2 packs a day Jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. It was that fast and easy for the Demon. And it took me 15 years to muster up the courage to face down that horrible initial part of the quit again. 15 years more of doing massive damage to my body, smelling like crap, and wasting countless valuable time of my life smoking, thinking of when /where I will smoke, etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah.

So this time I know better with my smoking quit - Friday will be my 5 months anniversary. NEVER EVER can I buy that Nicodemon lie.

While quitting drinking may or may not be quite that intense in reality, I don't care to experiment or find out for sure. I want my freedom more than I want just one drink to see if I can handle it. I dont' care if I can handle it or not. I've had good training from the Nicodemon on this ever vigilent thing - the BoozeBeast will have an uphill battle with me. it may be difficult sometimes but I'm determined to do it no matter what it takes. I DO NOT want to start quitting smoking OR quitting drinking all over again. Once is enough. (well, twice for smoking - learning the hard way)

Thanks Mary for today's terrific topic!!! Hello to all who are yet to come.

DG
Day 13 AF * * * * * * * * * * * * * and DANG happy to be here!

[retteacher]

Newbies in need - Day 23

Dear DG: Thank you so much for your affirmation & for your info about the Nicodemon. That certainly applies to me in the form of my inner alky. Yes, I have had the thought: "I've gotten some serious AF days under my belt, now I can have 1 or 2 w/friends once in a while." For me, that is such a crock! I know I'll be back to excessive solitary drinking in the wink of an eye.

Benefits of not drinking:
-Vigorous long walks w/dog. He & my body are grateful.
-Honest communication w/hubby. Sometimes he's grateful (when it suits him).
-No guilt or shame.
-Blood pressure: 108/72. Pulse: 78.
-Other things too numerous to list.

Love, Mary

[wakupmom]

Newbies in need - Day 23

you girls are doing just great!keep up the good work!!am so proud of you xx

[bird]

Newbies in need - Day 23

Hi all,
Reteacher, you are an inspiration. We started about the same time and I have read alot of your posts. Its really something seeing you bloom and it gives me hope.
DG, I am also enjoying your posts. School starts in 2 weeks and I would really like to be clean by then since I do some volunteer work and dont want to be going in hungover. And not just that.I just plain am tired of it. I have more Af days than drinking and really can tell the difference. So much more energy. Bird

[retteacher]

Newbies in need - Day 23

Dear Bird: I haven't had a drink since July 9th. I'm not sure what kick-started me, but the farther I get into sobriety, the fewer the cravings. You can see by my opening post that I still get triggered, but I didn't have too much trouble not acting on my desire to drink today. I was a teacher for many years, & in the last 3 years, I went to school hungover many times. What was worse than the physical agony of being in school w/a hangover was the shame of it. I had to make AF my goal. I tried a lot of different methods of moderation & none worked. My drinking was escalating, & at this point, I just don't think I can drink at all. I'm trying not to look into an AF future, because that can cause me to drink. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I don't miss white wine as much when I do it that way. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Newbies in need - Day 23

Hi again Mary - wanted to say I love your benefits list. I'm trying to keep my own list up to date but I'm always thinking of new things, then things slip my mind before I manage to get them written down. Anyway, that might be a fun thread all by itself - everyone writing their own benefits list. Heck, I'm sure we will all see a benefit someone else wrote down and realize it applies to us. To my way of thinking, the longer my benefits list gets, the more resolve I have about sticking to my plan. Anyway, GREAT day of Mary thoughts and ideas!!

Bird I just love your avatar!!! You can never change it even if you get bored to absolute tears with it OK? It always makes me smile no matter what!! I can 100% relate to your statement that you are "just tired of it." So am I. As much as my BoozeBeast would love a fix, and reminds me of that LOTS still (quite irritating), there is just no good reason to do it any more. It's not always easy to say no, but I'm very sure that for me, no is the right answer 100% of the time.

Today was a really busy day here at the ranch, but more on that in the morning!! I'm off to do some hypno and then to bed pretty dang soon.

DG
Day 13 AF * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[nancy]

Newbies in need - Day 23

Hello!!!

I read the posts from yesterday. Melissa, I am glad you have found a way to let go of resentments. I wouldn't say I am resentful, but I hold on to pain and loss for a long time. I don't seem to bounce back quickly.

Teach: Great news that you have 14 days under your belt. I agree with the others that it's nice to see how you have evolved to this.

And doggy girl,I have read so many horrible things about smoking. a lot of famous drinkers died from smoking-related diseases.

I am trying very strict moderation still. I had a few drinks last night while out. No drinking at home aside from AF beer.

My new idea is to apply moderation to everything in life, this has to be a whole lifestyle change. Less is more with respect to food, alcohol, coffee etc. I am not going to be an all or nothing person. I am ready to compromise and have bits of things and stay in balance.

I am doing the hypno again because I read good things about how the style of the CDs can help with relaxation. Yesterday, I fell asleep during the hypnotic CD.