at the bottom

[karma7171]

at the bottom

luce

I have to been hell and back several times. After too much time in AA I really questioned what a "bottom" was. For me it meant being dead in a box and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. If you are not dead...which you are not...there are thousands of paths out of your hell...it is just finding it.

I tried mods...what a joke for me...I tried abs several times and did well for several months...but it was not ME. Although that dry out time was good and well spent...I could not make it me no matter how hard I tried.

I have found how to make life work for me rather than against me....in so many ways that have nothing to do with drinking. Once I found it...miracles have happened in all areas of my life. I never thought that I could just be this damn happy to be alive...and being me.

It is different for everyone, but never lose hope. It costs too much to lose hope...and I spent too much time not having any...when it was there all the time.

I have been there and done all that. You are not at your bottom...you are just beginning to find out who the hell you are.

Karma

[luce_endzz]

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wow, these messages are great!!! Thank you ALL for such amazing support and encouragment!! Please pray that I can make it to 2:00 today... its a small step but maybe I can do it!

[Doggygirl]

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Hi Luce. I'm sending you a HUGE make it 'til 2PM vibe. Best wishes.

DG

[42cat]

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I'm 42 and a mom too, Luce. Drinking since teenagehood. Much more the last year or two than ever, including hiding bottles and drinking before work in the mornings, not to mention afternoons, and of course evenings. My husband doesn't know how much I drink (because I hide bottles and refill without his knowledge).

At onen point, I had three empty bottles, and one half-full one, hidden underneath my bottom bedroom drawer. Every time I went in for a sneak-refill, I would cringe. You know you have a problem when you have four bottles hidden under a drawer, right?

I found this site just a few weeks ago. I feel that I'm on my way now. I feel like I'm moving in a new direction with regard to knowledge and choices. I haven't tried the program (book and supplements) yet, but am trying Kudzu, which seems quite good .. interesting anyway. I think I have a new outlook .. just have to figure out where to go from here.

So, as a "newbie", I don't have any great advice .... but what helped me so far was reading the forums here - especially the General board and the Just Starting Out board. Great places to get to know the faces and listen to stories.

We can do this. Nice to meet you and good luck to all of us!

~Catt

[Accountable for Me]

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Luce - you can do it! Make it to the 2 mark, then the 3 mark. It is all about awareness and baby steps! We are rooting for you!!!

[Beaches]

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We are all rooting for you as AFM said. Changing routines and figuring out your triggers is key. Go out and do something and stay away from home for as long as possible if you can. I used to say that "being home" was my trigger. Unfortunately I have to be in the home because I have 3 small children and can't just pick up and leave them to fend for themselves.
So I started the supplements, Topa and reading what the Abstainers were doing on their thread. After awhile I was able to push my drinking start time back further and further in the day. It takes time but you can do it!

[Popeye]

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Hi Luce,
All the above....
and my best wishes.

[Arial]

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A big, big :welcome: from me too - I can't really add anything to the wonderful responses you have already - I've been here for a few months now and have again learned something new. Everyone's journey is different and it may take a little time to find the route that will work best for you. Keep an open mind, work out what options there are and just try - gradually you'll find what fits and, as has been pointed out, we're here 24/7. You'll find friendship, support, company, commiseration, celebration, empathy, understanding - what you won't find is judgement - so keep coming, sharing, posting and we'll help you on your way!

Warmest wishes, :l

[luce_endzz]

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i made it to 2:30! Then had 3 drinks that didnt stay down.... YUCK so now i sit here at 5:00 straight as a nail...wondering what to do!!

[Accountable for Me]

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You are doing marvelously! Boredom will definitely be something you will encounter. Make a cup of tea, watch some tv, pace the floors, do whatever it takes.

[magic]

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Hi Luce

Jumping in here quickly........

7-14 drinks a day, please don't go cold turkey, I think it would be too dangerous for you. You may start to notice withdrawal symptoms with in 6-8 hours of your last drink.
Seizures, dangerous high blood pressure, heart palpatations......there is a link to withdrawal symptoms on this board. You need medication.

I am also still of the opinion that because of your other problems you should be doing this under medical supervision. Withdrawal from alcohol is a physical process. You are already throwing up. Please consider it. I am worried about you, sweetpea.

magic xx :schmokin:

[jimbo]

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luce,
Have you seen a doctor lately with the symptoms you are describing? I would say that seeking medical help should be your first priority.

jimbo

[Cinders]

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Let us know!!

Luce,

Following the thread and got up this a.m.

Hoping you are okay.

Please see the doctor as Jimbo suggested. Withdrawal is NOT a joke and the doctor can make it happen safely.

Then you can get on with the business of overcoming this thing. We are all here to help.

Let us know you are okay!!

Cindi

[42cat]

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Also following this great thread, and wanted to say good morning.... hope you have a great day, Luce .. and everyone else too. Personally, I'm setting small "timed" goals ... For me, errands after work this afternoon (as opposed to home first for a drink). I've made a new plan to do something "different" every day. Stepping out of my comfort zone a little. Yesterday, I went shopping in a new place. Totally sober. It was fun! Imagine that - fun without alcohol! What a learning process this is!

Here's to a great day!

~Catt

[stillcrawling]

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Thank you Luce!

Luce -- already look at what you've created ... an outpouring of support! Reading these posts were of benefit to all of us!

We all have a story... I recently went back to work after being on medical leave... my mother e-mailed me and asked if "I did time in the office" I'm not sure if she realized my first thought was a "prison sentence" I have a horrible job mainly because of an unorganized boss -- I am an administrator at a major research institution -- well-paid, but the job stinks!!!!!!! I am going on two years in this position and it has been awful... I found myself drinking in the evening -- self-medicating. I somehow found this community and it has been sooooo helpful. We all have decisions to make --

I am curious as to what our average age is... I would guess late thirties to early 50s would be an accurate range. How, as adults, do we cope in a healthy way ... I am still trying to work it out -- while battling anxiety/depression and honestly loneliness -- I moved for this job and find that I don't fit in anywhere. I fit in here...

Keep posting or somedays just read. For Now, StillCrawling ...