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**Accountable for Me** · July 23, 2007, 04:52 PM

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Welcome discovermarisa! You are definitely not alone! My husband and I were much the same in regards to loving the drinking. My parents are alcoholics as well - yet for some reason they are functional. Actually everyone in my family are.

I was where you are - at the end of my rope. The support of this place has helped me out of the darkness. I was binging, blacking out, everyone was scrutinizing me, severely depressed.

Just know there is hope. Really, there is. Everyone I know thought I was going to die from it. I have a little child and I really want more for her. I am not really a prime example today, but know with the stress I am enduring at the moment this place has prevented me from falling back to another binge. It has been almost 7 months since my last. (binge that is).

Keep reading and reaching out. Utilize what you can. We are here for you.

**magic** · July 23, 2007, 05:09 PM

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Hi Marisa

Welcome,

You will discover yourself again, I promise. Please call your doctor.

I suspect there is a detox centre where you are. I am going to suggest that for you.

The nurses will help you with medication for withdrawal, rest, good food and time for you.

Please look into it. It's a good start.

magic xx :schmokin:

**AMELIA** · July 23, 2007, 05:14 PM

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Hi Marisa,

I have gone through years of what I think you are describing.....drinking just to block something out, but never really knowing what it was, but keeping busy enough so that I wouldn't get round to confronting myself or the people in my life about what it was...
You are still really young. I am ten years older than you and I wish I had started to question and reach out for support like you are now. Well done. You are doing a veruy positive action for yourself and your family . Thankfully you have found this resource when you have. Use it and use us when you need to . We will support you. Just ask..
Amelia

**planetjanet** · July 23, 2007, 05:16 PM

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You Are Not Alone

Hello there:welcome: . You must know that you are not alone and try not to let your guilt riddle you, trust me I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I only had one day, only to have blown it this weekend and drank:upset: . However, this time, I made a choice that I was going to no longer allow myself to feel bad(which results in binge drinking) and the only way for me to not go to that place is TRY to not drank, which is the hard part. But trust me, once you get through the first couple of days, your guilt will wear away and your children will see the real you. I don't have children but I can TOTALLY identify with what you are going through with the guilt, the embarrassment and the saddnes. I have had anywhere from one to three weeks of soberity, 90 days was the longest, so I know I can do it and so can YOU!! One thing you might want to consider is keeping yourself with activities with yourself (walking, etc) or with your kids, that would DEFINITELY be a sure way of getting closer to them, maybe this kind of reward will inspire you to continue with your soberity. I do alot running (running a 10-K this weekend) and joined a softball league but then again, I don't have children, which allows me to have more freedom, however I am sure there are activities that would be well suited to your schedule.

I don't know if this will help you but I just read your post and it really me made feel so much better to know that I am not alone, thank you so much and PLEASE keep me posted as to how you are progressing.

**paula** · July 23, 2007, 05:16 PM

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Welcome Marisa,
No you haven't gone too far, you are here and will get lots of help and support.
Best wishes Paula.

**discovermarisa** · July 23, 2007, 05:38 PM

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Thank you everyone. I have tried to redirect my mind to other things. I try to keep myself busy so that the drinking doesn't start. Once it starts I can easily put away 12 - 15 beers plus shooter of vodka. On the weekends it's at least a case plus a small bottle. I am an office manager and I still have a job, but for how long. I will take the kids for a long bike ride tonight after work, then come home and take a bath and read some self help books (lol...really though). Every comment is welcomed and I fell better already!!!

**planetjanet** · July 23, 2007, 06:11 PM

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Glad to hear you are feeling better. Yeah, for me it was a two bottles of wine, sometimes even three, sheeesh. Have a great time on the bike ride, would like to hear how it went.

Best of luck and don't beat yourself up if you drink , not saying that it's okay but just get back on the "wagon" and try, try, again. The most important thing is you realize you have a problem and you want to fix it. Can you imagine the people who live in denial, wow that is so sad.

Thanks again for your post, I was "rationalizing" about drinking tonight but your post totally inspired me to not do it, to stay strong, go the gym, start training for my run and keep busy, busy, busy.....

Janet

**retteacher** · July 23, 2007, 06:27 PM

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Marisa: I came here in April. It was up & down from April until July, but I came to MWO every day anyway...even when I was hungover. I haven't had a drink since July 9th & haven't felt this well physically, emotionally, or spiritually in many, many years. I've tried many methods to moderate but just cannot stop at just 1, 2, 3, etc. Once I open a large bottle of wine, I have to drink the whole thing. I absolutely hate the black-outs. I have a great hubby, kids, & grandkids & don't want to jeopardize my relationship w/them. I've come to the conclusion that I must stay AF (alcohol free), because I just cannot moderate. At this point, I don't look into an AF future...I'm just trying to take my non-drinking one day at a time. MWO helps tremendously in dealing w/the triggers & the cravings. There is a "newbie in Need Day __" thread that has helped me w/the one day at a time approach. Please keep coming back. Mary

**discovermarisa** · July 23, 2007, 06:35 PM

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Yeah I can't stop after a couple either. I only smoke when I drink. So when I start I have to drink at least 3-4 beers to enjoy a cigarette. So I pound 'em and then thers no stopping me. My husband can take it or leave and it makes me so jealous sometimes. I drink until thers nothing left. I've heard myself say to friends "we haven't even finished the beer yet!" Anyways I like the thought of not thinking of a future without alcohol, because frankly there are times when I like to drink (camping, a night out, etc.) but if I can do it 1 day at a time (or one step at a time), maybe they will add up and I won't be so quik to start over.

**Doggygirl** · July 23, 2007, 07:04 PM

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Hi Marisa. I just wanted to welcome you. I'm so glad I found the My Way Out program and this community. The program is great (detailed in the book you can download) and the people are great. After 30 years of what became daily drinking - and lots of it - I have not had a drop in 13 days. If you really want to stop the madness, I know you can. Hope you come here and post lots as you decide what your plan will be.

Hugs,
DG

**retteacher** · July 23, 2007, 07:54 PM

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Marisa: At this point, the future wo/alcohol doesn't look so bad...that's after 14 days AF. Day 1, 2, 3 were pretty miserable, & I couldn't even think about not ever having a drink. The cravings aren't nearly as bad as they were. Have you ever watched non-alcoholics drink? I've been doing that since I've gone AF. They:
-leave drinks unfinished.
-throw the dregs of drinks down the drain.
-stop after a few.
-switch to non-alcoholic drinks.
-sip really slowly.
These are things I haven't done in years & years. MWO is the only place I've been able to be 100% honest. That has really broken through my own denial which tells me:
-you're not so bad.
-you've never missed work.
-you deserve to let loose once in a while.
-blah, blah, blah.
Hope I've been helpful. Mary

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