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Finally Exposing Myself to you all

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    Finally Exposing Myself to you all

    This is my first post to this forum, or any forum for that matter. I have been poking around the community for a year - loving hearing other people's stuff and relating to much of it, and I finally found the courage to put myself out to you all. Believe it or not, I am sweating bullets right now, feeling nervous, like I am taking a step further to really committing to this program.

    My story...

    I realized I had a drinking problem about 6 or 7 years ago and finally admitted it to myself (and my husband) about 3 years ago. The first thing I thought was I should go to AA, which I did for about 6 months off and on. I hated it! I didn't feel like I could relate to any of the people there and when I did the whole "my name is _____ and I am an alcoholic" I felt like a fraud. I was saying what I thought I was supposed to say, but I wasn't like any of them and I knew it. So I stopped going and went online looking for alternatives.

    Why was I different? I only drink in the evenings or at social events. I never in my life have desired a drink in the morning, missed work or other any important event, drank and drove with my kids in the car, etc., etc. My problem was and is habitual evening cocktails - just love that winding down at the end of the day feeling that comes with a few drinks. I have never "progressed" to the hard core alcoholic stage and don't believe that I ever will. I just love to drink and unfortunately I have that if a little is good than more is better syndrome. I realized it was a problem when I tried to quit and couldn't.

    Fast forward to my online search and my great excitement and relief to hear RJ's story. The book was just coming out and I ordered my copy ASAP! I read it and just couldn't believe it - this woman was me! And there was hope of moderation. I didn't do anything for about 6 months except contemplate when I would start the program. I finally ordered the starter kit and then waited another couple months to start. I was afraid of the meds, I am a holistic girl at heart and wanted to try and do it without drugs. I had some success with moderating after doing the whole program for about 3 months solid, but still didn't feel that I had it under control. The longest I went without drinking was 6 days and my goal has always been 30. Haven't reached that yet, but will never give up.

    In the past year I have slacked on the program, but gotten therapy to work on the reasons why I abuse alcohol. I have finally gotten off my holistic high horse and am trying meds. My regular doc wouldn't help me out so I went the Psychiatric route and have tried Campral with no affect on cravings whatsoever, but got all the side effects. Last week I got a prescription for the Topa and am waiting for authorization from my insurance, but will pay for it if they don't. I am going back to the beginning and doing it RJ's way all the way!

    It has been a long and bumpy road, however, I am more hopeful than ever and will keep trying till I find the right recipe for me. I am very grateful to Roberta for her story, courage and tenacity and for opening up this community for us all. I have loved reading all of your stuff and look forward to being a part of it on a more personal level.

    Love & Light to all of you on this wild and wonderful journey!!!

    #2
    Finally Exposing Myself to you all

    Hi Green Goddess!! It's good to *meet* you. It sounds like you already have lots of great experience to share. I look forward to getting to know you better. I too am so thankful that RJ shared her story, and put together this wonderful internet site. It's clearly helping people all over the world.

    I can understand your reluctance about the meds. LOL - I consider myself "Pharmaphobic" myself. (I love to make up words!) But if I get to a point where I really am struggling with just the supps and the hypno, I'll sure give it a whirl just like you are doing.

    WELCOME!!!!!!

    DG
    13 days alcohol free!!! WE CAN DO THIS!!! (including Moderation where that works too)
    Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
    Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


    One day at a time.

    Comment


      #3
      Finally Exposing Myself to you all

      Welcome Green Goddess. Glad to see you here. I think RJ's program gives all of us a foundation in which we will need to 'tweak' until it is the right fit. Again welcome!

      Comment


        #4
        Finally Exposing Myself to you all

        Thanks Doggygirl. I'm still on checking my post and saw your reply. I am soooo glad I finally got in on the forum - it feels good to know other people care and relate to me and my stuff. I have a feeling this is going to be my new addiction! Looking forward to my AF number going up. Your number 13 is inspiring.

        Love & Light - RG

        Comment


          #5
          Finally Exposing Myself to you all

          Welcome!!!I know it takes a bit of courage to post, glad you did!!I was the same way, couldn't get out from under those evening cocktails....wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't everyday...then Tried to quit and realized i had a problem when I couldn't, guess I always knew though. Just over 6 months AF now...and trust me you can do it too. I had a plan to mod, but stayed AF...just works.
          It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.
          James Gordon, M.D.

          Comment


            #6
            Finally Exposing Myself to you all

            Green Goddess,
            welcome! How long ago did you discover MWO? I've never seen you post here before, so just curious. This is a great place for support and encouragement. I found MWO 18 months ago or something like that. I've recently "come back" to get a bit more support. I also went to AA in the beginning and hated it as well. I've been off much of the program for a while, but need to get back now.

            Nice to have you here,
            Marcie
            Marcie

            Comment


              #7
              Finally Exposing Myself to you all

              Welcome Green Goddess

              Glad you found us!

              AA is not for everyone, no doubt about it.
              My name is magic and I am an alcoholic, an addict, and I'm glad to meet you.
              You are not unique, my dear. None of us are.

              Our stories are different but the same.

              Addiction is a progressive disease so you're doing well by kicking it in the butt right now!
              I'm sure that by trail and error you'll soon find something that fits you, just like Accountable says.

              Try not to be nervous, you're with friends. Just spit it out!

              magic xx:schmokin:
              ~Are you looking for the Holy One?
              I am in the next seat.
              My shoulder is against yours. ~Kabir

              Comment


                #8
                Finally Exposing Myself to you all

                Welcome Green Goddess,
                Sounds like you have had quite a journey already to get to this site. Good to read your post and to hear that you are going to be doing the full programme. I agree with what you said about AA, I went years ago and felt very strange about the whole setup.
                Best wishes for you and the programme.
                Amelia
                Amelia

                Sober since 30/06/10

                Comment


                  #9
                  Finally Exposing Myself to you all

                  Hi Green Goddess,
                  Welcome to this site that is so supportive to all of us here. I relate a lot with what you spoke about and I live in the bay area. Your story sounds a little like mine. I read the posts, and do not post to much. I guess I'm just not ready yet. I love coming to this site and reading alll the posts. It makes me feel so much better to know I am not alone! There's alot of answers and support here. Keep on working on yourseld, reading here and posting.

                  Love,

                  Angel

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Finally Exposing Myself to you all

                    Hi

                    Welcome

                    Good Luck in your quest
                    Diamond x
                    I feel as though it's all happening to someone right next to me.
                    I'm close, I can feel it, I can hear it, but it isn't really me.

                    Marilyn Monroe

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Finally Exposing Myself to you all

                      Hi Green Goddess,
                      Am happy to meet you and to wish you well.
                      Sounds very much like you`ve just set yourself up to suceed.

                      Good Luck,

                      Starlight Impress

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Finally Exposing Myself to you all

                        Welcome Green Goddess- I can certainly relate to MUCH of your story. My "path is always paved with good intentions." I am entering my 5th alcohol free day and feel great so far. I take kudzu and L-glutamin. I never was an alcohol day drinker either but my"relaxing" and social drinking was becomming a bigger and bigger problem over the last year. Keep checking in and posting. It's a very inspirational site.I ditched my moderate drinking because of the stories here. I am on the "new 30 day group" on the monthly abstinence forum with hope that I stay af for 30 days and beyond. Best of luck and health to you!
                        AF since 2/22/2012

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Finally Exposing Myself to you all

                          Welcome!!
                          Control the Mind

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Finally Exposing Myself to you all

                            Hi Marcie,

                            To answer your question - I found the book online right when it was being published in early 2005. I didn't discover the site till I went to order the starter kit later that year and I have been "working the program" off and on since then.

                            Thanks for the welcome and I am glad you are back working it again. It is a fantastic program that has changed my life. I still struggle with alcohol addiction but have changed my habits drastically since I started and I know that at some point I will be more powerful than my addiction, more often than not. I just keep chipping away at the issues and will never, ever give up on myself.

                            Love & Light !

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Finally Exposing Myself to you all

                              I can relate

                              I can relate to much of what you said about AA. In all its not a bad program...just not for me. Something deep in my gut always gave me the vibe that it wasn't what was what was going to make me well. And boy did I try...I tried to conform..I just couldn't. Regardless of how less my story seemed...I could understand the not compare part, but I couldn't see it as the solution. I think that it really is too bad that they ignore the new information that is out there. If they had been more open to supplements and such maybe it would have stuck.

                              I had a bad time with anti-depressants and I am now turning more holistic, rather than vice versa. The supplements work well for me....but it take a lot of experimenting. Some reccomended here I am sure worked well for RJ...but just don't for me.

                              It is somewhat mean...and I know they mean well...but they are all still praying for me. I guess it works...just not the way they think it should. I am not abs and I do not moderate. Both are control factors that I could not get a handle on...but I can say that in the last 8 weeks I have not had one hangover...or have done anything too stupid...which I could not say before.

                              Good luck!

                              Karma

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