I've really done it this time

[paraniod]

I'm screwed. I have lost my marraige now. I am afraid of what he might do in the aftermath of my last party. I knew better, I had no control. How do I explain this to my family? I wish I would have just kept lying at this point.

[beatle]

I've really done it this time

HOW have you lost your marriage? By telling the truth?
Are you sure it's lost? What exactly happened?

[paraniod]

I've really done it this time

I went to a bbq on Tuesday night and had enough to drink to let my guard down and somebody had brought another party favor. For the life of my I don't know why I did it. I hate the stuff, but I was is a place of wanting to be included. Hoever stupid and weak that sounds. ANyway, I didn't do anything outside of that wrong, but my husband doesn't believe me and now I wish I just wouldn't have told him. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I am afraid that he may go after some of the people I was with on that night and do something irrational. Which will of course only make things worse. He won't talk to me he just keeps telling me to get a way from him.

[beatle]

I've really done it this time

I'm not sure what the party favor was, can only guess.
But maybe your husband needs a little time to get over his anger. then maybe you can talk rationally, explain yuo have a big problem and you know it and you are trying to work on it and you understand the grief it is causing him but it is also causing you grief and you really want to change but you need his support... etc.

[beatle]

I've really done it this time

"go after" some of the people you were with?
This sounds truly disturbing. care to explain?

[paraniod]

I've really done it this time

I wrote him a letter explaining the evening bit by bit. which over all lasted about 5-6 hours. It is amazing how fast you can burry yourself. Anway, I am more concerned at this point of his seeking these people out since they just live down the road. I live in a very small town and news travels fast. I wouldn't want my family to hear any of it. I suck!The problem is, is that what he is mad at, (majority) is his imagination. I didn't do anything else but that and went home after playing poker for awhile. He is putting in his own scenarios.

[paraniod]

I've really done it this time

he says he doesn't trust me. I told him because I couldn't stand lying to him. I feel like I said, I should have just kept my mouth shut. But I couldn't live with myself. I can't lie to him. How do I get this through to him before he does anything irrational?

[paraniod]

I've really done it this time

To answer your question about going after. After I told him and he started letting his imagination go, he said he wanted to unleash on the husband was at the party. To explain in detail, this friend that I went to bbq's house, her husband is an OLD boyfriend of mine from like after high school. We did have a pretty crazy relationship, but it was a quick one and as I said so long ago, I am not interested in this guy at all obviously. I am in love with my husband but now he keeps telling me to get away from him.

[beatle]

I've really done it this time

Very smart to write a letter -- how did he react?

Anyway, it sounds to me like you are more worried about what your husband will do than about anything you did. Have you explained about that old boyfriend? Maybe it will calm him down. Tell him you can't stand the guy and your relationship with him was sh-t. Tell him how much you love him and how scared you are to lose him. change the focus from that old bf to your relationship with him and tell him you want to change because you love him so much.

Obviously I am assuming you really love your husband and want this relationship to work above all others.

It still scares me that you are afraid he will "go after" someone. What does that mean?

[paraniod]

I've really done it this time

he hssn't read the letter yet. I wrote it last night at midnight and it is just 5:31 am here. I tried to wake him at 4 to talk but he got really mad.
As far as being more worried about what he might do. The reason for this, is that this is a VERY small town. These people are actually high end professionals in the town. I know that if something happens it will get back to my family and hurt and embarrass them. It's not because I am afraid of how the other people would react or feel, I believe that this is something a little more regular in their life. I have not been around them that much since moving back.
I do love my husband, I love mykids, I just screwed up. I want to quit drinking and am not a daily drinker, just a binge drinker. The funny thing is, is that I had only 3 glasses of wine that night.enough to let my better judgement down but not enough to get out of control black out drunk.kwIm?
I was the first to leave the party the other night. I reached a point of feeling grossed out and wanted to go home.

[42cat]

I've really done it this time

Sorry that you're going through this. I hate that "I really screwed up" feeling .. and know it well. I hope you can work it out. Maybe rather than defend yourself and justify stuff (assuming that's how the conversation might go - as several of mine had in the past), instead let him know just how you're feeling, like you've written here. And, more importantly, tell him you want to make a plan to make things improve... and that you love him and need him to help you be the person/wife/mom that you want to be.

*hugs* ... hope all goes well. Please post and let us know.

~Catt

[paraniod]

I've really done it this time

Beattle and Cat, thank you for trying to help me sort this out. Beattle you broght up something that I can't quite get out of my head. Why is is that I am more worried about others? Does it really matter? It's just that I am in such a small town and I am concerned about my rep. and my children. I don't think we are going to get through this one.

[42cat]

I've really done it this time

You'll get through it. Don't give up, OK?

[paraniod]

I've really done it this time

the majority of what my husband is mad at, didn't even occur. How can I convince him of this? I really can't, which what does that say about my marraige? I soo need to grow up.

[42cat]

I've really done it this time

Maybe part of your discussion with your hubby can be in that regard ... reassuring that nothing happened, but also to back that up by letting him know that you'll be wanting him with you from now on where parties, etc., are concerned... that you are a couple and you want to "be" a couple .. from here on out.

Of course, I don't know your relationship or your background ... just going by my own "past" and what worked, etc.

Hope all goes well. Keep your cool and be yourself .. remember, you're human and you make mistakes, like every one of us.. your hubby included.

~Catt