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How do you feel good about not going out?

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    #1

    How do you feel good about not going out?

    Hi All!
    Happy Friday!!! Actually, it is really a happy Friday for me since I am 5 Days AF for the first time in years!! This program is absolutely terrific and it WORKS! The support here is fabulous and genuine. Thanks to everyone for making me feel so welcome and helping me through this!!

    So, here's my question: What do you say to yourself to make you feel good about not going out to Happy Hour (or whatever) with the gang? My office co-workers are going out again tonight after work, and I am the usual instigator and life of the party. I know how to get out of it --- and I am definitely not going --- but, I already feel a little sad about it and left out. What have people done to overcome this feeling?

    :thanks: Enjoy your day!
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    #2
    How do you feel good about not going out?

    Hey Pink Lady, I saw you posting on one of the newbie threads that I'm posting on - Hello!!
    Well, I guess it depends on where you are with being around alcohol......I went to a party last weekend and enjoyed it AF,....probably far more than what I normally would being absolutely sloshed. However the hostess did know about my 'problem', so there was no way I was going to let her see me drinking anything!!
    I am supposed to be meeting up with a bunch of 'drinking' girlfriends next weekend, for Vintage Champagne and an evening of looking at photos of our last boozy holiday (just before I started my AF days - 11 days ago). That worries me much more than blending into the background of a party. BUT, I will have to prepare my buddies before I go and just tell them I am detoxing for a month and stick to my guns. Believe you me, if after I have said that, any of them try to pressure me to drink, I wont be tempted, I will be pissed off.
    Work collegues, hmmmmm, I don't know. Could you tell them you were detoxing??
    x
    Amelia

    Sober since 30/06/10

    Comment

      #3
      How do you feel good about not going out?

      Woops I forgot to say congrats on 5 days AF!!!!!
      Amelia

      Sober since 30/06/10

      Comment

        #4
        How do you feel good about not going out?

        Well happy hour is by definition a booze fest.

        Did you really have fun at these things? I imagine you might have some embarassing moments. Maybe they weren't so happy?

        You can plan something else that is social and not centered around a bar.

        There are lots of things you could do instead. maybe see a movie with a friend? or go to dinner? the other members will know more i am sure. My colleagues don't do happy hour.

        Comment

          #5
          How do you feel good about not going out?

          Congrats on day 5, Pinklady. Day 6 for me here!

          My approach to avoiding those situations, as well as explaining why I'm not drinking if I AM in that setting, is to just be low-key about it. "Sorry guys, I can't this week. I have something I need to take care of tonight." That's not a lie - you need to take care of yourself! Or if I do find myself in that setting and someone offers me a drink, I'd just say "no thanks, not right now". Something to that effect, rather than make a big deal about "being on the wagon", or "giving up alcohol". But that's just my approach!

          And I have no problem feeling left out or being down about not being out with the guys. I am doing this for ME, for my own well being. And when I wake up tomorrow feeling great, still alcohol free, I'll smile and congratulate myself for not going. Pinklady, which sounds better to you:

          It's saturday morning, and you wake up and think "Yes! Another day alcohol free! I feel great and I slept all night."

          or

          "Ooooh crap. My head hurts. Why did I DO that?! Looks like I'm starting over at day 1 again."




          Hang in there kiddo! I'm with ya.
          When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of.
          You might bend till you break, 'cuz it's all you can take.
          On your knees, you look up, decide you've had enough.

          You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off...

          Then You Stand.

          Comment

            #6
            How do you feel good about not going out?

            Pink,
            I for sure think it's in your best interest not to go. Good job on that decision. When I was in my late 20's I was a social person and not going would have been a hard decision for me and not drinking impossible once I got there. Now that I'm older I could have made the decision that's in my best interest. (I'm not sure where you are). I'm one of those people who have never made it a habit to explain myself to people about anything (unless I'm late or have infringed on someone of course). So as a rule they are used to getting an answer from me like "I just decided not to tonight." Period. This makes a lot of things easier and when done in a nice way sets needed boundaries, especially with co-workers. My closest friends know what they need to know of course.
            Have a great evening perhaps with another friend who doesn't focus on alcohol or go to a movie by yourself or rent one. Get your nails done, just do some feel good thing for yourself tonight that you will be happy about tomorrow morning when you wake up.

            You can always log in here.....someone is almost always on.
            If I ruin my body where will I live? :ranger

            Comment

              #7
              How do you feel good about not going out?

              Hi Pink!

              Congrats on your Day 5 AF! What I have done in the past is say that I am on antibiotics that I cannot drink with. Everyone understands and it takes the pressure off. IF you HAVE to go.

              Good luck.

              Michaela
              :beach: "You can't go uphill thinking downhill thoughts"
              AF since 10/11/2008

              Comment

                #8
                How do you feel good about not going out?

                office politics

                Hi Pink
                I wanted to reply as I was in the same situation tonight at work. I was invited to the pub, and although that naughty side of me was saying 'it's Friday, you deserve to have one' etc, I knew that it would result in more than just 'one' and on an empty stomach, that's not good news. I thought of something else I could do and came home to pour myself a long sparkling mineral water and literally waited for my witching hour to pass. I have an easy excuse - my children - so I don't need to make xcuses, but I like the antibiotics one. And if they refuse to accept that you just are not drinking, then go! But believe me, going out with work and not drinking is one different experience. Just watching them get more and more loose tongued can be quite entertaining!

                Well done on Day 5, it;s my evening 6 tonight, and Friday is always going to be hard. Good luck for over the weekend - LR x
                Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.

                Comment

                  #9
                  How do you feel good about not going out?

                  Thanks everyone for the advice. Be rest assured that I have plenty of lines I can use, with and without lying! I am bound and determined not to drink right now --- so don't worry about that! I am going to make many, many more days AF before I decide when/if I can try moderating.

                  What I was looking for, was more like what Beano said: reasons to feel like this is ok now --- that fun will return one day, but for now this is what I need to do for ME--- focusing on the thoughts of the next morning.

                  I guess I just love to have fun (laughing and talking, and just interacting with people). I can have fun without drinking too, but not as many of those opportunities come up these days. When I do get invited to ANY event, I feel like I am missing something if I don't go. Do any of you have that same feeling? I think I would feel almost as sad if I got invited to a movie with a group of people and couldn't make it. Now, that I am cutting out a major piece of my social life for awhile, I just wanted to know if anyone else had problem with it...

                  Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it. :thanks:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    How do you feel good about not going out?

                    I can completely understand what you're saying. It's tough to think that you have to stop so many of the social activities that you used to pursue while trying to make this sort of change. I look at my calendar and think of all the things that were planned with friends that have lasted over the years and realize just how much I don't want to let that go. Perhaps it is fear though, you can cut up, act silly, gossip, joke, and laugh all without partaking yourself. One way of looking at it though is that when you stop to consider just how much of your social life would involve drinking in one form or another perhaps it isn't so terrible to let some of it go. You may find out that there are things you've never tried and social situations that you've never experienced because you have spent so much personal focus on "going out." Here's another tactic for you.... Volunteer to be a Designated Driver! Zero pressure to drink from companions at that point. Going out with the gang in an alternate frame of mind can help provide you with perspective about who it was that you became at these events. I've found with honest questioning that my idea of "life of the party" wasn't 100% accurate in some cases. Good luck on your journey I'm starting mine as well.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      How do you feel good about not going out?

                      For you who are just starting:

                      I think when we make these huge life changes there is a fear of being rejected. Your friends/colleagues/whomever see you as this happy-go-lucky person and don't see the pain and struggles inside of you.

                      For me when I quit and I was fearful these people wouldn't include me or accept me anymore. I said to my friends, etc., that I am not drinking anymore because frankly I was tired of feeling like a bag of poo and want to focus on my health and energy. Of course my very close friends and family knew I had a problem, but that is a whole different senario. I know so many people now who use to 'party-it-up' and choose not to anymore. They go out to these after work socials and have a great time. The difference being they aren't waking up in the morning nursing a hang over all day - they get up and live another full day.

                      Every single one of us want to be accepted in life. There eventually comes a time when we have to be accountable for ourselves and decide what we really need to do.

                      No one is going to judge you or think less of you if you make a life change. If they do, well poo on them is what I say.

                      If you feel you will be tempted to drink for the first while in a social setting, then take the time and do something else. Do this until you can partake in environments where everyone is getting gooned. You may not even want to partake after a while. You only have one life, make it yours.

                      Every single one of you deserves a healthy, happy life. Just remember that and everything else will eventually fall into place. XOXO

                      Comment

                        #12
                        How do you feel good about not going out?

                        Welcome benjammin!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          How do you feel good about not going out?

                          Accountable for Me;173765 wrote: Welcome benjammin!
                          :thanks:

                          Comment

                            #14
                            How do you feel good about not going out?

                            Pink Lady & Ben
                            I have a fool prof way not to drink when I go out........I bring my wife with me. She reminds me of my situation! I also use meds. not to drink with the relatives; all the crap I have to take every day..they can belive it.
                            ?Be who you are and say what you feel because
                            those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?
                            Dr. Seuss

                            Comment

                              #15
                              How do you feel good about not going out?

                              IAD;173906 wrote: Pink Lady & Ben
                              I have a fool prof way not to drink when I go out........I bring my wife with me. She reminds me of my situation! I also use meds. not to drink with the relatives; all the crap I have to take every day..they can belive it.
                              It's wonderful that you have someone that can support you. It's also helpful I think to have someone in your life for whom you're fighting to be better. Ultimately you have to do it for yourself but it can be a good motivator at times.

                              Living alone is part of the reason I turned so much to something i THOUGHT was making me feel better. Now because of the consequences of my actions I find my ability to change that limited. I'm thankful for online communities.

                              Comment

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