sigh, i'm drinking my life away

[Sigh]

This is my second time visiting these forums in the last 6 months. Last time I was upbeat, felt like I had things under control, had stopped drinking. It worked for 1-2 month of "cold turkey", I felt great afterwards, having a drink in w/ friends later, and however many month's later now I'm an alcoholic again.

It's hard for me to even say that word, but that's what I am. I'm drunk right now (this screen is blurry in a "good" sort of way, going to have another shot before I go to bed, but oh how I wish it wasn't this way. Have been telling myself "tomorrow" I'll get started on fixing things, "for real".

I'm 30 now, soon to be 31. I am depressed, not suicidal, and not sure where this is all going. I see in my mind who I hope I could be, but it's an impossility. WHether I'm scared, just learning from experience, or whatever else I dont' know. My routine is hte same each day...

I am "successful". I'm wealthy, with a gfriend who loves me, but I'm drunk nonetheless and unhappy.

How do I get out of this? What's wrong with me? I don't want to admit there's something wrong with me but there is.

Should I see a therapist? Get help?

[Deilight]

sigh, i'm drinking my life away

Hi Sigh (ooh it rhymes)

I'm your age and I drink too much, also depressed, not suicidal with a girlfriend who loves me. The only thing we don;t seem to have in common is success. I'm not doing at all well on that front.

There are a lot of people who can give you great advice on this site. I on the other hand am just offering support at the moment because I don;t have much advice to give. Keep coming to the site, at first it takes time to get to know where to post, read and who to talk to but like anything, practice makes perfect.

Therapy may be good for you, I have decided to give it a try- I'm not big into talking to some psych stranger but I guess they have their uses.

Keep coming back and if you really want to stop you can make it happen!

Good luck.

[Finding My Self]

sigh, i'm drinking my life away

Hello Delight and Sigh - It's all so familiar still...the blurry screen and endlessly wandering around in my head... I wish you both well. I don't feel 'one to talk' I really don't. All I know is that 75-odd days on I feel better. My head's clear(er) and I can see I'm coping sooh much better with life without the very substance I thought (desperately hoped) protected me from life. It actually made me totally unable to handle it - and not because I was (personally) falling down drunk but because I 'drip fed' myself 18 hours a day... I feel back to the person I lost years ago (and I'm beginning to realise that perhaps even just pretty light social drinking didn't work for me even 15 years ago or so....?) Now, I imagine a drink and I don't like the thought of it! I don't actually want to feel that rush of wobblyness and know I've then lost that day as well........ I never, ever thought I'd feel like this but it's good, really good! I can still get mad and bad but at least I can't beat myself up that it is because of being drunk any more! Just because, at last, I am just human!

I just did 'one day at a time' and 'this too shall pass' (trust needed there as I didn't know where it would pass to and I was terrified but it was ok within about a fortnight) and 'if I don't drink the first drink I simply wont get drunk' and went back to praying - a lot! Nothing heavy just imagining and then trusting there was a protective cloak out there for me...
I try not to count the days; each day is now and if I do this one then I can handle it. (Wish I was as 'good' at 'one daying it' in other matters!! - I'm broke and panic frequently....but I haven't drunk on it................................................ .........................( ) I dunno what that space holds see! But I intend it not to hold booze, that's all.

Keep visiting here, sometimes AA helps, sometimes not - it helped me over the first 6 weeks really well and now I come here.
I just pass this on with good thoughts to you - I'm a baby at this and know I could 'fall off' at any time.

Thanks for letting me post coz it's helped me to set my resolve even stronger for today and I just hoped it's helped you guys a little bit too.
FMF xx

[Guest]

sigh, i'm drinking my life away

Sigh, sorry you`re feeling so despondent, but things can and will improve for you.

The couple of months you spent sober have not been in vain.........the fact that you managed to do without the drink for a spell shows that you can do it and that you will manage to do it again, if you put your mind to it.

I would like to say that the notion that a couple of months of sobriety cured your alcoholism is way off mark. You said "I`m an alcoholic again", as if you ceased to be an alcoholic during your spell of abstaining , but the truth is that most of us here will always remain alcoholics whether drunk or sober, which is precisely why a life of moderate drinking doesn`t suit many of us..........for many alcoholics, nomatter if we`ve been sober for years, one sip is all it takes to take us right back to the Hell from which we tried to escape.

I think underlying depression can be much of the cause of many of us drinking, as in my own case, so I do think therapy would be beneficial to you to allow you to realize and address the reasons for your drinking.

You have so much going for you in life and are still young. You recognize that you have the potential to do even better in life. Now you have to take on board that the only one stopping you is yourself.

I fully understand that you abhor the label "alcoholic", but truly, it doesn`t really matter what we term it, as long as we admit to ourselves that we have this affliction and take action to instigate our recovery.

I wish you well.

Starlight Impress x

[Flip]

sigh, i'm drinking my life away

Hi there Sigh,

Welcome. My first advice has always been to see your Dr, but I have recently learnt that in the US that can be a real problem for employment etc, so if you live there you may have to find other ways to move forward.

I have successfully stayed sober for the past 8 months (actually it's been 13 months out of 17 months) taking Campral and seeing a counsellor. I have also visited here often and read every book I could find on alcohol abuse and I also found that reading about codependancy really helped me work out the why, instead of just working not drinking.

There are many other ways to move forward successfully. The best thing to do to gather ideas is read here, particularly the drug thread, and the long termer's (they are the more successful ones) and post a new question or ask for help any time.

What ever you are going through, one of us has been through too.

[CAPRICORN1]

sigh, i'm drinking my life away

Sigh...Wow...very familiar talking going on...I used to say to myself...you have everything you need or want on the "outside" why are you crying on the "inside?" I empathize with you in feeling that way, but I also knew I was drink way too much. Alchohol is a depressant. I really wanted to feel better but I didn't want to admit that drinking was my problem. I always blamed it on depression, and then the depression on alchohol...what a merry-go-round! Depression is serious though, and should be treated.

You have gone AF and felt great, sigh...give yourself a break and do it again or at leat cut way back...be good to yourself!

Cap:l

[paula]

sigh, i'm drinking my life away

Hello Sigh and welcome,
you are young, you have your whole life in front of you, don't waste it on alcohol. I speak from experience, I wish I could have seen at your age what I was doing to myself, but it
took a lot longer. I believe alcoholics are born, each time we have a drink it triggers the
compulsion for more. I have stopped for years and then thought I could drink socially again but it always gets out of control, I have a family history of alcoholism, at this moment my older brother is drinking himself to death, if he had had help earlier he may not be in this hell he finds himself in now. Having said that he always wanted his problems
sorted out for him, he did not do much to help himself. Hopefully you have taken the first
step. I agree you need to look at why you are drinking, the triggers etc. Counselling does
help, so does mwo because everybody here knows how it feels to have a problem.
Keep reading and sharing and you can overcome your problems. Good luck Paula.

[Sigh]

sigh, i'm drinking my life away

Thanks everyone

I've gone AF again starting with today. Was a rough day today physically but tomorrow will be better. Thanks for the encouragement and the advice, you're a great bunch of people.

I would like to say that the notion that a couple of months of sobriety cured your alcoholism is way off mark. You said "I`m an alcoholic again", as if you ceased to be an alcoholic during your spell of abstaining , but the truth is that most of us here will always remain alcoholics whether drunk or sober, which is precisely why a life of moderate drinking doesn`t suit many of us..........for many alcoholics, nomatter if we`ve been sober for years, one sip is all it takes to take us right back to the Hell from which we tried to escape.

You're right, I needed to read that. I'm not ok with admitting it, feels wrong to me that I have a problem I can't fix. I am going to do some deeper self exploration as to why I feel the need to escape and get drunk.

Will do some reading as suggested in the various forums now and learn from others as well.

Thanks.

[Change]

sigh, i'm drinking my life away

Hi Sigh,

I had / have a drinking problem too. I got to the stage where i totally lost myself. It wasn't a nice feeling.

All i can say is that you feel better when you stop. I think part of that feeling of soul-lessness is related to drinking.