Coming Back

[evergreen]

Hi all, I have been lurking around this site for about 4 months and was a fairly regular poster 2 months ago and then have kind of dropped away. I have been trying for a long time to give this up . . . this "monkey on my back." I am . . . . . . okay I am really pausing here . . . . an alcoholic. It does not affect my health, my work, my relationships (to a big degree) but it does affect how I feel about myself. I drink most not every day. I rarely have more than a bottle of wine - 5 drinks but I almost never only have one. 2 months ago I did the supps and they helped but I never strung more than 4 AB days together. I am tired of being the one at the gathering to drink the most . . I am tired of this occupying my mind . . . I am tired of wondering if I have forgotten something because I'm busy or because of the wine. Thanks for listening ( or should I say reading). I would love to hear from those who have been successful ABS. Was there a turning point? Did you have multiple false starts?lease:

[Robert Smith]

Coming Back

coming back

Evergreen,
can't help with advise on abs cuz I'm in the same boat as you . I feel I am
in a good state of mind, business is good and the family is happy. My habit is a nightly
10-11:30 until I go to bed. Still it bugs the hell out of me that I cannot shake the habit
entirely. I have been doing better at moderating to the point where I don't fall to sleep
and cannot remember the transition. I now go to bed with a glow on so to speak. Anyway
I just wanted to let you know your not alone.

Robert

[laurajk9]

Coming Back

Hi Evergreen, I too have been lurking around this site for some time. The longest I have gone is about 9 days, and that was using Topamax, which has been really helpful . I don't like some of the side effects. It sounds like I drink about the same amount as you. Almost always finish the bottle of wine. When I started drinking again after abstience I would only drink once a week than slowly build up more ( but alway finish a bottle). Now it's about everyother day. I wish moderation would work for me , but I'm beginning to believe it's a pipe dream. I, too hate the control alcohol has on me. It was a big shocker when people in my family started to take notice. . But what's the saying "Practice makes Perfect"
I think it will take practice to learn to be free of this. My problem has been replacing my wine with something else. One of my favorite things to do is sit on my deck and read a good book or do some journaling with a good glass (bottle) of wine. It would be wonderful to hear of success stories and helpful hints to get through

[evergreen]

Coming Back

Thank you Robert - it is amazing to me how many people struggle with the same issues that I thought were all my own. Good luck!
laurajk9 - thanks for the post. 9 days sounds pretty impressive to me right now. Tell me about the Topamax - I am scared of it. Did it muddy your thinking?

[muchthought]

Coming Back

I'm wondering about the Topamax too, since I am waiting for it to arrive. Also, like laurajk I am looking for other things to do besides read a nice book with a nice bottle of wine. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated! My mind is a blank - I'm not a TV fan, or movies, I don't really like to exercise, though I like being outside. I love all the support here - thank you so much.!

[retteacher]

Coming Back

Dear Evergreen: I just passed the 30 day AF mark 2 days ago (which means I'm 2 days into my next 30 day stint). Your story sounds very familiar. I too was very functional, & so far, my health has not suffered long-term effects (though the hangovers were deadly). I drank a 1.5 liter bottle 3 - 5 times per week. Toward the end of my drinking, I never put an open bottle back in the fridge...I drank the whole thing. I hid my drinking, though I'm sure my nearest & dearest suspected. Yes, my biggest harm was to my self-esteem & spirituality. I'm able to admit that I'm an alcoholic. I progressed from using it to loosen up in social situatons to drinking primarily alone.

I always thought that something really bad would stop me. However, on July 10th, I just decided that I wouldn't drink for that one day. The next day, I did the same & the next after that etc. I didn't start counting days until I had some real sobriety under my belt.

The first 7 days were the worst: I thought about drinking constantly & grieved for the fact that I can't drink like a normal person. I still get cravings (in fact, the reason I logged on just now was because I had the fleeting thought of drinking). Now, the cravings are fewer. I've gone to 3 parties & stayed AF. It's a very different experience, but I'm getting used to it. The biggest bonus is knowing what I did & said.

Good luck & keep posting & asking questions. I'll be here for you, Mary

[evergreen]

Coming Back

Thanks so much Mary. Ignore my questions on the other post. I had not read this. That is so helpful and encouraging. I want to just do it but since I have wanted that so many times it makes me wonder if I need a revelation or big turning point. Your story is very uplifting!!! Well, you started July 10th . . . maybe August 10th is the day for me. I have felt more sure as the day has gone on! Thanks for being there!

[Guest]

Coming Back

Nice to have you back evergreen.

Am only 12 days AF, but if I can string 12 days together, rest assured you can too.

Love and luck to you.

Starlight Impress x

[Benjammin]

Coming Back

Hi Evergreen!

The reason it's so hard to say "I'm an alcoholoc" is because it is illogical thinking. You are a human being that working on the issue of unhealthy use of alcohol. A cancer patient is not walking cancer. Be careful the things that you tell yourself, we do indeed create our own reality. Acknowledging that you find yourself in a pattern with alcohol that is detrimental to your wellbeing is a huge and important step. Re-frame your position and understand that you desire something better, something wonderful. What in essence has happened is that you have woken up, taken a look around you , and have decided that you want to live a healthier more fulfilling life. Your relationship with alcohol must change or end in order to achieve that goal. This shows awareness! This shows motion towards a greater you, and this is good! We are moving forward.

This site is about re-defining how we understand and control this particular aspect of our nature, and through that understanding re-program our learned behaviors.

You are searching for a path to a greater you!

Congratulations.

[Newyear]

Coming Back

Hi Evergreen - welcome back.
I had worked my way up to drinking at least a bottle of wine a night. There were very few nights that I did not drink a bottle. I came here last June and started reading and realized I needed some help if I really wanted to stop my cycle of drinking and feeling like cr*p.
I tried from June until late October to cut down on my drinking. I made it a few days - even made 13 days once I think. But then I would go back to drinking.
I have had worse 'bottoms' but after drinking one night - specifically Oct 27th - I decided I really had to stop. I just could not do this anymore. So I quit. It was very hard the first week and the next week...then it got a little better. It was thrilling to wake up sober.
YOu can do this. Use anything that works for you. I think the most important thing is to
want to quit more than anything else.
You can do this - and glad you are back.
Lisa

[wwbarb]

Coming Back

Lisa is one of my heros on this site - listen to her!!

[irishguy1949]

Coming Back

Evergreen, you really can do it and this is the place for inspiration. The MWO'ers here are awesome. Listen to me, I'm a newbie here but I've learned so much from everyone, but there's one aspect that blows me away. That is, that there are so many others in the same position as I. 4 of the last 7 days have been AF for me, something I haven't done in a very long time, and I couldn't have done it this week had it not been for the folks here.

Hang in there - if you can think it you can do it!!!!!!!

[evergreen]

Coming Back

Benjammin (love the name by the way) very well put - profound. You are right stating I am an alcoholic seems in a way very passive - kind of like I can't help the way I am. I can and I will!!!! Lisa, Barbww and irishguy thanks. It is wonderful to connect with folks with the same struggles. 4 of 7 days AF - great!!!