I need a boost

[gettingthere]

Hello everyone, I am brand new here and glad to say I am finally getting help with MWO. I got really drunk last night and my family noticed. I even went to pick my daugter up at the mall. It was a couple of hours after I stopped drinking, so I thought I was fine. But that was the booze putting stupid thoughts in my head. I got there and back without a hitch, but I feel so low today I can't believe it. My husband hasn't said anything yet, but he always seems to bring this stuff up at bedtime. Yuck, I alread feel so horrible I don't know what I will do if he starts in on me. He doesn't understand this alcohol problem at all. He thinks if it makes you feel bad and do dangerous things, then just stop. I wish. I am looking forward to getting my hypnosis CD's and supplements, but part of me is concerned about the part of me that 'just wants to get away'. I am not happy in my marriage, but breaking up my family is not something I want to do. He is good to me, but I don't love him. I can't even stand him touching me anymore. I have felt this way for years and pretty convinced nothing is going to change my feelings. So drinking is a way to take away the unhappiness and guilt for awhile. But in reality, I know it is compounding things.
I need someone to tell me I am okay, not alone, and that I can beat this! I can't wait to get to know some of you!
Oh, I am 38, married, with 2 girls 7 and 13. I have a college degree and currently work part time.

[IAD]

I need a boost

Getting thier,
I'm on my second marriage. Their are worst things than the big D. Staying in a situation that causes you harm ! Are you really drinking to forget your marriage ? If that's the problem....you need to start taking care of yourself ! ( Also your girls....they know what's going on..they can feel your pain.) Your a smart woman, you can cut out a job for yourself and your girls. If it's over it's over. I made my desion one day...I knew that I did'nt want to live like this anymore. ( No, I'm not one of those guys that were unfaithful, It's just my first life style was killing me !) Take care, post & Read....Many here can help !IAD NOTE: I MADE MY DECISON WHEN I WAS SOBER !

[Guest]

I need a boost

Hi gettingthere and welcome.

Am sorry you seem so unhappy, but I really think it`s best to tackle one issue at a time.
"But in reality, I know it is compounding things."...........very insightful as to what`s going on in your head............you know you`re not happy and that drink is just intensifying your problems.

The best thing you could do is to firstly confront your alcohol problem and concentrate on getting sober, before you make any other moves. People change when they leave the drink behind.

You say you haven`t loved your husband for a long time, but perhaps your drinking has caused such friction and ill-feeling between you, that you think your marriage is over, without really giving it a chance as a sober wife and mother. You say your husband is a good man and that you are loathe to break up your family, so I really think you should put any major decision about the future on hold until you overcome your drinking. Perhaps when you`re sober you will see your husband in a different light.

It`s just overload to try to deal with this all at once. Get your drinking under control or stop altogether, then review your situation as to whether or not your hubby have a future together. It`s said that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", only sometimes it`s not so green after all, when you actually get over there.

Wishing you love and strength.

Starlight Impress x

[Chief]

I need a boost

Hello Gettingthere, Listen to Starlight. She is a very smart women. Tackle the booze first. You will think different when the booze is out of your system. It may not change the way you feel about your marriage but you will think clearer than you are now. Take it one step at a time. Keep coming back here to read and post. No one will judge or belittle you, we're here to help. Good Luck, Don

[Bella]

I need a boost

Hello Gettingthere. I am going to tell you that you are okay and you are not alone.

It sounds like you are doing what I do. Drinking to forget all your problems?

I am a great one for burying my head in the sand! hoping it will all go away. Drinking to forget is the worst thing, because when you wake up.....not only have you got a hangover, but the problems are still there and seem all the more difficult to manage.

My advice to you is.......get sober for a while, and YOU CAN DO IT. Then tackle your issues with your relationship. You will have more strength when you are not drinking. I mean mental strength. I too have relationship issues but I can see them in a different light now that I am sober.

We are here for you.

Bella xxxx

[Flip]

I need a boost

I have to agree with IAD. If it's over, it's over. Get out and start fixing yourself up. (been there, done that) It's not so scary, in fact, it's really quite easy once you've made up your mind and start putting things into action. I have NEVER regretted my decsion to a) leave him and b) get sober!!!! I have a life now that I couldn't have dreamed a few years ago.

You're a smart girl, get out there and live your life!

[sheshe]

I need a boost

Hi gettingthere! I can relate to you, as I'm not really sure I love my husband anymore either. He hurt me very, very badly just as I was getting off of anti-deps meds and getting my drinking under control ON MY OWN. After that I spiralled (sp?) out of control again until I came here and decided to concentrate on myself for a change. I'm also guessing that part of it is that you stayed home to raise the kids (rather than pursue your degree field), now you feel stuck? Been there as well!

I also understand not wanting to break up your family. I have a 5 year old son and I refuse to be the one to make him grow up without a father - I did and it's affected me all of my life, I believe (although I'm just now ready to admit that!).

I just wanted to let you know that I understand the conflict you're having before I give you some advice.

I agree with Starlight and Bella. First stop your drinking or at least get it under control. Get some non-drinking days under your belt. It's amazing how clear your head will be! You can't make any major decisions drunk, or hungover - god, hungover I can barely tie my sons shoes (oh, the shame). The CD's and the supps really do help! I did almost 30 days AF and that was the first time I was really able to think, take stock of my situation and make a decision that I thought was right for me as well as for my son (my husband could get stuffed as far as I was concerned!:devil: ). I reevaluated my marriage (as what I thought it was had been completely destroyed) and decided that I could live with it on MY new terms, mostly for my son. Believe me, it makes all the difference to stay because YOU made the choice to stay, rather than because you feel stuck!

Anyway, don't put yourself under so much pressure to change everything at once. Start with getting YOURSELF together! One baby step at a time. And probably your first step will have to be accepting that it's okay to concentrate on yourself, that you are WORTH being a priority, that you're allowed to take the time you need for yourself. Coming here, ordering the CDs and the supps is a GREAT start! Use them, they make a difference. And remember that there are always people here to give you the support you need!

PS - you are not alone! And there is nothing you have done that at least one of us hasn't done as well.

[Doggygirl]

I need a boost

Hi gettingthere! I am married (for the second time, so also divorced by default LOL!) but do not have children. So I will not even attempt to weigh in on the family complexities and decisions you are faced with. What I WILL say is that my decision making when drinking (and smoking while we're at it - I gave that up too) was usually flawed. I wanted life to leave me the F* alone with my cigarettes and vodka. Now that these vices are out of my life, I look at things in a whole different way.

I hope the MWO works for you (it will if you work the program!) and that you enjoy life more once your head is free of the booze beast.

I am using the supplements and CD's. I also changed my diet (no sugar or highly processed grains, etc.) and added exercise. The only part of MWO I am not doing is the prescription drugs - all else is "by the book." I am on Day 39 alcohol free and it is WONDERFUL to me. As much as I occassionally think how nice it might be to have a drink, NO WAY will I give up all the benefits of sobriety in my life for one lousy 'tipsy" day. Well, it probably would turn out to be way MORE than one day which is the core of the problem.

Anyway, I wish you the best!

DG
Day 39 AF

[IAD]

I need a boost

Flip,
I love you ! Will you marry me ? (I"m being facicious ! ) Ha Ha !:H

[meditation mama]

I need a boost

Dear Getting There...

I also didn't like my husband when I was drinking heavily three years ago. I wanted a divorce. I also couldn't stand him touching me. When I made the decision to change my life, stop drinking, taking care of myself, etc. everythng changed. My attitude towards him, his attitude towards me - I remembered why I married him. I didn't dislike him - I disliked me - A LOT! Anyway, I still struggle with the not drinking thing - I have tried moderation for a few years but see my old patterns coming back, including the ones with my husband. So, I have finally decided to take the BIG step and jsut give alcohol up for good - hard, but it will be worth it - I know. It does not enhance my life in any way like it used to - just complicates it. I know I love my husband, but I am starting to not like "him (me)" again. At least this time I know what to do... Take away the booze ... Good luck!

MM

[Roz]

I need a boost

Dear Gettingthere,
My advice to you is think about your kids. Your husband sounds like he could help you reach your goal of sobriety. I think this should be your first step. All the problems with divorce such as" who gets the kids?" can only cause you to drink more. Your kids are young and they grow up so fast. They ARE watching you! I miss "little" kids and would give anything for them to be young again. I've only been on the program (without Top.) for 10 days. For the first 9 days, I allowed myself no more than 2 beers. Yesterday, was the first day I went without and you know, it wasn't so bad. What keeps me going is my 15 year old. She's my last child at home and I only have 3 more years with her. I don't want her to see me a an alcoholic mother. Thinking of my daughter is really keeping me on the program. You still have so many good years ahead with your children. Give sobriety a chance - you may even find new hope with your husband. I agree with Starlight, "Life is always greener on the other side of the fence." - Isn't that the truth!

Good Luck

[southernbelle47]

I need a boost

Hi Gettingthere...
I have to agree.....get yourself sober...first.....

Alcohol is a depressant.......Duh! When we drink it we feel ...depressed!
I'm a mom with grown kids and my daughter has gone through a divorce. She has two boys...13 and 10.....Trust me....if you think y ou are unhappy now......

Don't even consider it an option for a way to "get happy".
"Happy" is not our goal in this life....and if it is...then we are mistaken...
The cd's ,a good diet of fresh food , lots of water to drink and soak(I add epson salts to my tub) in and some of the supps
Your "feeling" are not something you can trust right now....
The "feeling" of love that we have for our spouses comes and goes...I'm over 40 years into my marriage....so...Heads up!
Your children need a mom and a dad that can love themselves and each other...but you have to love yourself ...figure out "who" you are, and get connected to where your came from and where your headed...in the long term.

You have taken a step in the right direction......."come go with us now!"
A Southern saying!:H

:h Nancy

[Mags]

I need a boost

Gettingthere

When I read your post, i was going to write all these words of wisdom to you. But all my MWO friends have said it all so beautifully before me.

Now I will just say you have found a place where you can find peace and you can work through your struggles in a safe environment. Do the CD's and the supps, read as much as you can on this website and post here whenever you need to. You are not alone anymore.

:welcome: