New Today

[janka]

hi .... I am new to this forum today and have been alcohol free for 2 days ... and generally when i drank I went on private binges. I am married for 20 years, have 2 teenage children and a very demanding job. My husband went to rehab and then AA nearly 20 years ago and has zero tolerance of any alcohol. I began drinking just over 5 years ago (my mother and father were very sick and then died within a 7 year time frame). I have voluntarily admitted myself to a psychiatric hospital upon the insistence of my husband and family (2 years ago). It was the most devastating and humiliating and even nonsensical 11 days of my life. I became even more fearful and anxiousand I drink when I am lonely or anxious, so my husband's threats create so much pain for me ... AA does not f eel uplifting rather it operates based on instilling fear, so no AA for me, no more shrinks, and no tough love. I am extremely conscientious mother, and professional employee -- even wife. When I am threatened by my husband with hospitals/divorce, etc., that propels my anxieties and has caused me to drink before. any constructive ideas would be extremely helpful. i do not even like the taste of beer on ice, but that was my choice of drink because it was weaker and less obvious. Any constructive ideas would be truly appreciated

[SK8RGRL]

New Today

Janka, I dont have any constructive advice to offer. I struggle with this every day. I do know tho, that if u keep comin here you will find help and support. It will make you more aware of how we deal with our issues. we could go on drinkin, oblivious to the reppercussions, but by coming here on a regular basis we learn to keep them in check. I did AA but also felt it wasnt 4 me. felt the only reason they kept sober was cuz the only place they ever went was the meetings. I did notice a strong smell of booze on many of them.... xxxMax

[Beaches]

New Today

Welcome Janka,
I would suggest you read RJ's book first of all. That helped me tremendously with getting a grip on where I was at and also about all the supplements that are available.

You will find support here and no one will judge you with how you choose to begin your journey. Glad you found us!

[Hannah]

New Today

Janka

Congratulations on being AF for two days - that is a good start. Good for you for logging on and asking for help. This is a very good place, you will find lots of support and help here, and you can go at your own pace and set your own plan for how you are going to quit drinking. Have you suffered any withdrawal symptoms? Usually the first few days are the toughest - after that it becomes a bit easier. It may help you to order some of the supplements, etc. Keep reading and posting, there are lots of good people here who will be your friends, and never judge you. But we will give you gentle nudges in the right direction. If you husband was a drinker at one time, he should understand what you are going through, and realize that it will happen when you yourself are ready to do this - the question is, are you ready now? It won't be easy, but if you have gotten through the first few days, I know you can do it. Hang in there, Janka - you are off to a good start. Look forward to seeing you on the boards, and look forward to following your progress. :welcome:

[propartychief]

New Today

:welcome: Janka,

This is a great step and like I menitoned eariler you will not believe the support that you will find here!!! Some really great people!!

Bob

[Guest]

New Today

Janka,
Don`t allow anyone, least of all your husband, instill fear into you that you`ll be admitted to a psychiatric hospital against your will or whisked into the divorce courts. You`re an honourable woman, managing to raise two kids and hold down such a demanding job......assert yourself within the marriage.........you`re every bit as strong as hubby, if not moreso.

I can relate to your anxiety issues, as I too suffer from anxiety and full-blown panic attacks. Since I have quit drinking, I have found the anxiety more manageable, although not completely cured.I drank wine nightly to calm my nerves, which worked in the short-term, but only served to exacerbate my anxiety in the long-term.

And bully for your hubby that he found success with AA..........I have the greatest respect for it, but many here have tried it, to no avail. I think perhaps your hubby is going all-out to all but force the hard-liner AA approach upon yourself, whereas we are all so very different and have to find what will work for us as individuals.

This is a wonderful programme and you will meet many caring, compassionate people here who will endeavour to help you.
I could never envisage myself quitting drinking, but I have, as of 3 wks. ago, thanks to coming here.

I hope M.W.O. is the answer to your prayers.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[janka]

New Today

Starlight, thanks for your kindness ... you say my husband is taking a hard-liner, know it all AA approach in dealing with me, which makes me fearful, when what I need most is kindness and some support. I am a tough cookie, but it's hard to be one 100% of the time. I hope you are doing well. I'm feeling okay and am happy I have found this alternative

Starlight Impress;181549 wrote: Janka,
Don`t allow anyone, least of all your husband, instill fear into you that you`ll be admitted to a psychiatric hospital against your will or whisked into the divorce courts. You`re an honourable woman, managing to raise two kids and hold down such a demanding job......assert yourself within the marriage.........you`re every bit as strong as hubby, if not moreso.

I can relate to your anxiety issues, as I too suffer from anxiety and full-blown panic attacks. Since I have quit drinking, I have found the anxiety more manageable, although not completely cured.I drank wine nightly to calm my nerves, which worked in the short-term, but only served to exacerbate my anxiety in the long-term.

And bully for your hubby that he found success with AA..........I have the greatest respect for it, but many here have tried it, to no avail. I think perhaps your hubby is going all-out to all but force the hard-liner AA approach upon yourself, whereas we are all so very different and have to find what will work for us as individuals.

This is a wonderful programme and you will meet many caring, compassionate people here who will endeavour to help you.
I could never envisage myself quitting drinking, but I have, as of 3 wks. ago, thanks to coming here.

I hope M.W.O. is the answer to your prayers.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[Mags]

New Today

Hi Janka :welcome:

I can't say what is right or wrong for anyone. I did AA for about a year and it DEFINITELY was not for me. That's not to say it doesn't work for some people.

I know that this website along with RJ's book and the CD's and especially the kudzu and L-glutamine have made a huge difference to me. After about 20 years of trying really hard to stop drinking but always failing, this is the place that has finally put me on the path to true solid recovery. I hope it can work that way for you also. There are never any guarantees.

I truly hope you stick around with us for a while and read as much as you can from this website and post whenever you feel like it. The one thing I can guarantee is that you will always find a safe concerned audience of people who care deeply and honestlly want to help. That you will always get here.

[janka]

New Today

Hi Mags and thanks to all of you. I am tired and am afraid I won't be able to sleep. My husband keeps taking off, without saying when he's coming back. He usually does but his avoidance of me is part of this abuse problem I have ... that's when I am most likely to drink beer. I really made an a$! out of myself over the past week and feel very bad about it. But lots of the things I said were true (loads of frustration and feeling overwhelmed a lot of the time), especially about my long but difficult marriage. I feel so awful for my kids, but I do know they love me a lot, and their father's exaggeration of some things only fuels their fears. I really want my family to pull this through together, and wish my husband was not so rigid in his views. I really appreciate all of your thoughts and support. I have a hard day at work tomorrow, largely as a result of the mess erupted in the past week. I hope all of you are well

[Flip]

New Today

What I am hearing from you Janka is that HE wants you to stop, not that YOU want to stop. Oh, you probably do on a superficial level, but first you have to look at what the root cause of your drinking is.

I suspect, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you drinking is related to your relationship with you husband and issues around control.

It also sounds like a lot of codependance in your relationship. Do some reading, get a counsellor and start looking inwards first.

If you really want to save you own life, you will do this regardless of his demands.

F.

[janka]

New Today

Hi Flip, yes ... he wants complete abstinence from me, while I am uncertain at the moment. I do not want to drink excessively, and only do it when I am ignored/avoided/criticized/very stressed. I have gone to therapy, etc. (and without success) ... but I really think he needs to be part of a solution here ... not a chronic critic. That's all, and I think that would be most humane and kind

[Mags]

New Today

I'm sorry, but I am very upset by what you just said. Your husband just takes off and doesnt tell you where he is going or when he will be back? And that is part of your abuse problem? Of course. What is going on here? I hate to sound so brutal, but are you blaming yourself for his problems?

Sorry. I don't want to hurt your feelings.

[Red]

New Today

Hey Janka
Welcome to MWO!! Also, congrats on 2 days AF!! That's a pretty big step. There are so many wonderful people in the MWO family to help every step of the way. If you need to talk, please don't hesitate to ask... Sending you only the best wishes!

Red

[janka]

New Today

Hi Mags, I do feel neglected for basically 20 years ... when I had my babies, he was at AA meetings in the evenings and then starting his own practice. He would get crazy when either baby cried or did something ... I would take them driving around in my car to soothe them. He isn't physically abusive, but he doesn't call me by my name (he's like this to most people), and only recently did I did throw a file and phone near him because he constantly accused me of "p%%ing away" our money (I work very hard for my money, and go to Goodwill to buy clothes lately). He has been yelling about anything until most recently ... I hate yelling. Then when he threatens me with an "intervention" or divorce, so I get in shape (because you cannot drink openly here) ... lately I've gone bananas about that because I was cornered into going to a hospital 2 years ago ... and that absolutely killed me, and I vowed I would never allow that to happen (It's mind boggling to know what "psychiatric" treatment really entails).

By the way, my husband has been sober for almost 20 years going AA's way, my sister-in-law is an MSW with the department of Retardation who knows nothing about drinking but only the most superficial current thinking, so they think they know things when they do not necessarily do. By the way, I am well-educated and work in a sophisticated medical university ... and do not appreciate being sand bagged, gas lighted and cornered and psychobabbled ... they almost drive me to drink more in a way, when I finally get ticked off (about 3 binges this year), I threw a file/phone against the wall and yelled my brains off. There are families who have wine and cocktails around from time to time ... in my situation, there is zero tolerance and is not acceptable period. Like I said, I did 3 stupid things this year (yelling and throwing stuff) , and think they may have been a result of almost being provoked or pushed to my limits ... I am tired and frustrated ... don't feel like drinking though

[Accountable for Me]

New Today

Welcome Janka! I think there is something else going on with your husband. Maybe with your having alcohol in the house it is stirring up something inside of him? Maybe he is scared after 20 years of sobriety he might end up drinking again? I don't know but it seems there is something else going on in his mind. Being a recovering alcoholic takes a lot of work and dedication to stay sober. Living with someone who drinks can be scary for us. The temptation is pretty real when it is staring us in the face.

I think you need to see a counselor and find out why you are drinking and focus on what is going on internally. You need to do this for yourself. The way your husband is going about it all is pretty horrific however. Pretty hypocritical I would add. Also, my FIL is horrible in regards to putting me down for being an alcoholic, when he is a recovering one himself from not so long ago. His son's are both alcoholics too. He only puts down the one I am with. The other does 'no wrong.' Makes me want to puke. Like where is the compassion?

Anyway, welcome to MWO and keep talking with us. We are always here to listen and help if we can. It is time to start making yourself happy.