New Today

[janka]

New Today

Hello and thank you to eevryone. I feel truly blessed and amazed!! I am really okay on my AF 4th day thanks to all of you! Wow! You know I don't know how I found this website on Sunday (I do not surf the web often, and I was stone sober) and then I actually signed myself in (something I would NEVER do) and poof!! Incredible magic ... I just cannot believe it!

Hubby is as cranky as ever in his demeanor, but is not saying much (uttering nonsense to the cats, which may be a good sign) -- not yelling, not being sarcastic, not threatening -- and he goes away pretty much each night, usually to work and then back home. I wonder if tonight will be as peaceful as last. I know I said some horrible things in my drunken rage last week, but you know ... I really said loads of previously unspoken truths, in harsher words than ever, maybe he heard how much he has hurt me? I've been very good and kind to him, usually, even when drunk, but I guess I could not take it anymore last week and in the past year!! I don't know ... I scared the daylights out of everybody involved, especially big babies and myself. I am at peace for now ... hope all of you are okay, gentle angels that you are.

[Finding My Self]

New Today

Janka - Hi.

I've read all the posts here in one go and it is truly wonderful how your strength has grown page after page...and now day 4!!!! Good on you!

I hope your peace continues to grow too.

You know, miracles DO happen don't they - what leads us to this site is different for us all but we are so glad to be here! Glad to have you aboard this miracle that came along for me at just the right time, too.

Remember that even angels may have to shout when it is necessary to protect one of their precious souls! We're just not quite as advanced as them in our methods and vocabulary but the intention is the same... So stay peaceful...

Blessings
Feet x

[janka]

New Today

Hey feet ... I am just so blown away and grateful! I really love your last paragraph ... tonight ... I will read a lot here, and go to sleep peacefully, hopefully. take good care and big hugs to everyone

[Bashley]

New Today

Just want to say welcome Janka.
Had a big long message for you and then the power went out and I'm too tired to do it all over!
Suffice to say you are in good company and you lucked into MWO just like I did. Isn't it great. Without the people in here I would never have been able to to keep to it. Been through all you have from a man's point of view so keep reading,learning and posting.
Nearly a week under your belt. Well done!!
Best Regards
Bashley

[janka]

New Today

Thanks Bashley ... you are all so welcoming! I am having problems with this website too tonight ... like reading the research ... get's stuck and nothing comes through. any ideas to help?

[STARLIGHT]

New Today

Welcome Janka,
Your situation sounds so much like mine. Hubby is always critizing me, angry, stressed and tries to control. To top it off I work with him in our business. Which is not fun, especially when he shows no appreciation or respect. Just like you I have been married for a long time, and just feel stuck and in a rut, not knowing how to get out. So, I drink to much wine to the point of not remembering. I had a bad night last Saturday. Went to new neighbors home for dinner, had to much wine, didn't remeber coming home and I guess we argued (because I embarassed him)! So, he is basically mad at me, not talking to me and says I need to go to AA, rehab, or quit drinking altogether. He does not give me any love or support with this. So, why do I stay! I guess fear of the unknown. I am working on this by going to a counselor now, reading books, coming here and reading the posts, and posting sometimes. I do have the cd's but don't always have the time to listen. I will start using more of the supps. I don't know if I want to take topa, I don't want foggy brain. I am on AF day 2. I wish the best for you! Keep coming to MWO!
Blessings, Angel

[Almostfamous]

New Today

Janka- I hope you quit for YOU. You are the most important thing in your life. We Mom's(and wives) tend to forget that. I am sure it's not easy with 2 children and a demanding job. Once you remain sober then you make make some decisions with a clear head. I cannot imagine living like that for 20 years. Sending you a hug and great health.

[janka]

New Today

Thanks again to everyone. I'm on AF day 5, and feeling pretty normal and energetic. Husband is still ignoring me; how could he be so mad at me when he clearly saw and heard the pain I was/am in for a long time? I just don't get it. Any ideas here would be appreciated. I still have no clue if he expects us to split up.

My big babies are doing fine ... I adore them, and we have such a good time together.

Off to a long, busy day at work -- my job is hard, but I actually like the challenges and the people there.


Hope all is well, and take good care!

ps ... should I start a new "thread," "New Today" is deceiving?

[meditation mama]

New Today

Hi Janka!

I am also on day 5 today. Congratulations to you! My story is also very much like yours, except my husband is not a graduate of AA (thankfully), in fact he vehemently dislikes AA . I went for a while some years back and that actually almost killed our marriage. It wasn’t the AA structure, it was the people. He was kind enough to come and listen and was supportive in the beginning, and then we both decided that it was not a positive place for me to find sobriety or growth. Nevertheless, in my experience, it really takes a bit of time for all of the feeling to relax within our own selves. The guilt for drinking around our children, not being present. The guilt others put on your for drinking, and mainly the guilt you build up on your own! My husband and I have gone through many bouts of me being sober, moderating, drinking together – funny, my husband will pretty much support me in whatever I decide to do – that was until this last bout.. He finally said he worries deeply when I drink and asked if I would quit. I was ready… But there were many ups and downs in our marriage because of alcohol. Many my part, many his, all over emotions too raw. So, I guess what I am saying is give it some time… who know what will happen with you and your husband, but no matter what you will be healthy and strong. Work on yourself right now.. really just concentrate on you.. don't worry about what he is thinking or is/is not saying. That is up to him to put forth, or not. I'm sorry your husband isn't being supportive, but you will find support here, so please stay and write often…. I have found something I haven't found anywhere else. I am at peace and a happy AF Mom... Good luck, and best wishes.

MM

[hart]

New Today

You've gotten a lot of messages, so Feel good and Boop Boop de Boop:welcome:

[Bashley]

New Today

Don't mention it.
Come on over and see me sometime. As the Geoffery Chaucer said in "The Wife of Bath" tale.

"Experience is the only authority from which I speak of that woe that is in marriage."

Have plenty of that in marriage and drinking! What I don't have is a long experience of not drinking...-working on that right now! See you there I hope.
BFN
Bashley
:getwell:

[pansy]

New Today

BFN = Bye for now?

[janka]

New Today

Hi Everybody! I still cannot believe all the welcome, support and inspiration you have given to me so freely, thoughtfully and cheerfully. last night I was saying to myslef this (you, this website) cannot be possible and that I must be hallucinating; but I know and see this is how you treat each other and each new, broken soul that ventures here. It's mind-boggling! Thank God! Many thanks over and over again & kisses & hugs and everything else good too! So far, cross your fingers for me, I have not wanted a beer. After Saturday's hangover and the drunken emotional chaos I caused here last week (a movie of that would scare anyone), it's probably no wonder. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Peace to all of you, sleep tight, and take good care, me

[pansy]

New Today

Janka,

It was nice to meet you in chat. It was so busy tonight! Sometimes when there are a lot of people on, it gets a bit confusing. Please stop back in sometime!

Welcome,
Pansy

[Bashley]

New Today

Yes, sure is Pansy.
Going for a smoke before starting the next short story. See you there!
Bash