New Today

[janka]

New Today

somehow my most recent post appears above Bashley's & Pansy's above (our clocks are a little off -- eh?)

I made a big mistake in that post. I know exactly why I have not wanted a beer or had a craving. If I was alone again, on Monday, I would have certainly been so HUGELY mortified by my behavior of the prior week that I would go buy and down a six pack immmediately, to ease the shame and intensity of remorse I felt. The main difference, this time, is that I was NOT alone because of all of you. I have no encouragement in my home at all ... only disdain, fear and scorn (I'm not talking about my kids) so immeasuraeble and unbearable you may not imagine. I have not heard a kind or decent word in my own home since my parents passed away (5 and 7 yrs ago). This sounds so corny (I really don't care) but you all have lifted such a peperpetual, inhumane and suffocating loneliness surrounding me that I'll be grateful forever even if it only lasts until tomorrow. Good night

[pansy]

New Today

Janka,

So sorry that things seem so awful right now - and do not seem to hold any promise of getting better (regarding what is happening in the home). You will really find so much here - there is no need to deal with this issue in such isolation.

Glad you found the website - come and read, post often - and come into chat. If we are blabbing about something that is comparitively trivial, DO let the folks who are chatting know that you want to talk. Those of us who frequent chat may be onto other topics, but are always willing to listen. You will likely find others in similar situations.

Oh, and don't worry about being corny. I've been listening and crying to John Denver all week.

Okay, now I am really going to go to bed (insomnia after 6 mg of melatonin - grrr).

Hugs,
Pans

[Finding My Self]

New Today

Janka - what a sweetie you sound!! And I am sure you are...

And you write soooh well - so clearly and descriptively. I am just sorry you have to write about such painful emotions at the moment and pray that soon we can read about happy feelings in such vivid clarity! (Although your children shine out from the page even now!)
Certainly seems as if your new found strength is causing him a few wobbles but keep going. He'll work it out and, with your head out in the sun, you are more there for your kids and importantly, you - until he comes out to join you in the sun too - if he will...his call I'm afraid but pleeeze don't go back into the dark with him?

Hugs and thoughts. You are doing jsut soooooh well, love.

'Finding' x

[beatle]

New Today

Janka, I was also warmly welcomed here 3 months ago and it made all the difference. At first it was just fun, then I hit a bad spot and got immediate help. Once, when I was alone, I even called a member (who offered me to) and that kept me away from the fridge long enough to sort it out.

I have also had PM correspondence with a couple members who have helped me keep my head above water. (you know who you are!)

I've been up and down these 3 months, but mostly in a much better spot since I came here and keep on coming.

I'm happy to hear that other newcomers have the same experience. Keep on coming, then, ok?

[Bashley]

New Today

Right on Beatle-keep on coming!
How does one get into a chat room I wonder. Any ideas?
Bash

[janka]

New Today

You people are truly wonderful.
I guess I needed someone(s) to listen to those down-spirited thoughts as the only ones capable of listening to me around here are my Cocoa Puff, Boogieness (2 Persian kitties) and my loyal Dusty dog, and they can't talk to give me any answers. I am so glad I found you. like you do. Anyway, I am not such the sap that I seem. I really am a tough, persistent cookie otherwise I would have never accomplished the things I have so far done pretty well an in good spirits, usually. So I am day 6 AF, feeling myself pretty normal, but I really have to figure out what to do with myself aside from work, fooling around with my big babies, chores, and hanging around this pretty, old house, in front of my puter with you. That's the next thing. Hmph.

[Chief]

New Today

Hi Janka, Good Job on Day 6. Stay strong and focused and time will allow you to sort out the rest of it. You need to keep yourself number 1 right now and when you need encouragement come here and we will help. Don't worry about sounding corny or needy. We are here to help you not judge you. Welcome to MWO... Don

[janka]

New Today

Help!!! Last night my hubby told me he filed divorce/separation papers because he has been the one so abused!!! He still has no clue what has happened here, and to me, and just cannot see behind the beer!!! When he talks, he is so angry with me, says he has to save himself, and yet is willing to leave his kids with me!? My 17 year old son heard this and came down to the kitchen where the argument was stewing, and simply asked to to shut up, that can't you see Mom is trying, whatever .... I had nothing to do with it. My husband went up to the 3rd florr (where he has made a loft for himself) AND I ran up, whereupon he said I "brainwashed" the kids against him. This is so typical! He creates chaos even when he is sober!
I think I should delay things in as much as possible. Need Ideas?
Today is AF 7, a little shaken and tired (stayed up late)< but essentially ok

[Cinders]

New Today

Hang in there!

Janka,

I have tried to avoid giving you advice on your relationship because I don't know the whole story and don't feel comfortable giving advice.

However, it sounds like you are desperate to keep this marriage together despite all the anger and resentment you have against how he is treating you.

For now, concentrate on yourself, getting sober, and your children and their well-being.

In 32 years of marriage, with all the ups and downs, one thing I have learned:

I cannot control what my husband thinks or does. The only thing I have control over is how I act and respond.

My advice (for whatever it is worth) is carefully consider how you should respond. You are an adult and he is an adult. Keep your words and actions at that level. (You can always go cry and rant when you are alone.)

I know this is difficult, been through rough times myself. However, I have been blessed with a basically good man who RESPECTS me and I respect him. Love is great but without respect it is an empty box.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
:h
Cindi

[pansy]

New Today

Hi Janka,

I too am going to avoid giving specific advice regarding your relationship, especially since I am not married and do not have the kid thing going on. It is just way too complex.

I will wait to let others come and give feedback. The only advice I can give is to hold strong and don't let this shake your AF commitment. The most important thing right now is YOU and what you choose to do. Delay sounds good, especially if you are trying to save your marriage. Definitely, hop on chat later - get some feedback from those who have been through this. Keep checking in and let us know how you are doing today.

Thinking of you,
Pansy

[nancy]

New Today

Oh my God! that sounds horrible.

I am not sure what to say. You could suggest talking about this in a civil way.

I agree with D2B that you should try to keep things civil. Don't get drawn into nasty arguments where mean things are said. I think she said you could rant later alone!
good advice in my opinion.

Also, I would try to keep your son out of it. Having been raised in a terrible family situation, it's hard to feel pulled in different directions and stuck in the middle of a parent's fight.

Keep working on your drinking...

[meditation mama]

New Today

Janka-

I concur.. Hang in there... Let it sit for a bit. Don't let it shake you. You have to about whatever you do with a clear head and steady emotions. Stay close today!

Remember you are THE most important person to take care of right now YOU need your sobriety to get you through this. We will be here for you!!!

I willl be thinking and keeping you in my thought today.

MM

[janka]

New Today

Thanks Ladies, I really am the adult here, and I know that, always was. He is very prone to rapt, drastic moves and prehaps, this time, I'll roll with it. I have no intention of drinking. I am at work now and later need to take my daughter to the doctor, and kids are coming over after that. Whatta guy?! My most kind and loving husband! It's just boggles my mind how he is willing to leave my/his kids with a "drunken" mother? What the heck? He's probably so nervous he just wants peace and quiet for himself -- the heck with the rest of us, we're too annoying for his sensitive nature. He truly is self-absorbed and cannot, cannot see life from anyone else's view. I just don't want to start the beer thing in defiance (I don't think so) and really appreciate all of you. I'll hang out here tonight, while he goes out. Thanks and be back later

[Accountable for Me]

New Today

Keep your resolve and stay strong.

It sounds to me there is something else going on with him. His behaviour is erratic. I honestly believe it has nothing to do with your drinking or not drinking. I think you need to dig a bit deeper and figure out what really is going on with him.

Just my two cents.

[beatle]

New Today

I agree with Accountable but I would not start digging just yet. You have to concentrate on yourself. Don't let him mess you up now. Do you really think he is going to go through with this? Or is it part of his otherwise irrational behaviour? Another thing, I'm not sure why you want to save this marriage so much, maybe for the kids? If so, you might want to think about that as well-- is that what is really best for them?

Anyway, just questions really, I am kind of at a loss here for real advice. Well, just keep up your resolve re:beer on ice. (That's advice, I guess). And keep coming here, of course. chin up!