NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

[garden girl]

Hi everyone, been away for a week and its been hell. I have not been able to stop drinking as I have been so stressed my husband and I have been constantly arguing all week and since we came home on friday. He is so stressed by my drinking and our marriage is falling apart. My poor children are in the middle and are so stressed out with it all. It has got to stop and today. I have a week left before my youngest starts secondary school and I have to sort things out. I find it so difficullt to take on board what he has said this morning and last week. He totally blames me for all of his stress, he sees nothing in our life except my drinking, we have many issues with our marriage but the main issue for him is my drinking. For the past five years I have drunk regularly two/three times a week, always early evening and nearly always getting drunk. The children have seen me drunk many many times and I am always saying sorry to them. He cannot forgive me for hurting the children. Two weeks ago I decided I would get some proffessional help and I am seeing a lovely lady who is helping me stop. But unfortunately my husband is so stressed that he cannot be there for me. He says he cannot cope anymore with it. The sad thing is that it is now when I need him most, I just want him to see the rest of me that carries on when Im not drinking looking after the children and being a really good mum. I want him to see the pain I have gone through this last 5 years, I know there is no excuse for drinking and I know it has to stop but I just wish he could see that I have suffered as well as him and the children, in five years I lost my Dad, My uncle,two of my aunties, My dear old friend who had cancer and I helped look after her, then I had a breakdown, then I had an accident and was in plaster for 6 weeks after which My back went out and then I had phsiotherapy for 6 months. So okay alot happened to me and I used alcohol to self medicate through it and now it is such a habit I am really struggling to break it. But break it I must and now this week. I have written all that down and it looks like I feel sorry for myself, I dont ,I have tried to get over everything, pick myself up and continue on the only thing I havent beaten is the drink problem, I just wish he could see it from my angle and then maybe he could understand alittle bit better. He says he has helped in the past and that is true but I need him now and he isnt there so I have got to get strong and do this. I will log on here daily, and i will have success not failure I have to because of my beautiful children, even if my marriage doesnt survive. I feel so angry at him and Im sure I shouldnt. How do we deal with guilt because it is crucifing me. Thanks for listening sorry its a long one.

[monrose]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

Hi
I have just logged on to see your message. I too am new here so probablely not much help to you. I feel your pain and I wish I could give you a hug. I'm sure you will find the strength and with the help of this website you will find the real you. I recieved my book today and am looking forward to starting it tonight. I too have been looking around and this site has many lovely and supportive people. I can make a sugguestion that if you start around dinner time that perhaps you can change your rountine, get your husband to make dinner and you get outside for a walk, take a long shower, just to get over that intianal wanting for a drink. I wish you luck on your new journey.

[garden girl]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

thanks monrose, Ive been around this website since May and it is fantastic. So many people achieving so much up to now Ive just not been one of them. I so want to log on and say 7 days af, I havnt got the book yet or the supps I keep saying I will but up till now havnt got round to it, I am very nervous about taking new stuff but I will give it a go, anything is better than feeling like this.

[Cinders]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

Garden Girl,

I want so much to be supportive because you and I are very similar types. We both can go a couple of days and then "wham!" there we are, bottle in hand, totally blitzed and in no way being responsible adults.

I have FINALLY made it 6 days AF for the first time in weeks and it has been a struggle the entire time. BUT, I know if I can do it, so can you.

Not only that, GG, but I have finally decided to say "This is it" to myself. I am NOT a drinker. I will never be a drinker again. -- Yes, I get a pounding heart when I think of it, and yes I am scared out of my mind. BUT, I know I have absolutely no choice. I must take this road no matter how hard or difficult because the option is UNTHINKABLE.

You are now at that crossroads. You must decide whether you want to continue drinking, with all its glorious wonderful buzz and self-destruction. Or do you want to take on the struggle and shoulder the responsibility of being master of your destiny, a good mum to your children and a loving wife to your husband.

My heart goes out to you :h . You are now in a desperate situation and will not have your buddy (booze) to lean on.

Go back to your councillor, explain that you MUST get control of this and see if she can help you with some meds. Rachel did and she is doing fabulously!! I did and I am making it.

Do not give up, Garden Girl. You are a great mom and a loving wife. Take on the shaking and the wanting and the fear, look it in the face and beat it down. Surviviing what you have gone through shows you are made of good strong stuff, so you can do it.

Remember yesterday? Rebirth.

Birth is not easy for a baby and rebirth will not be easy for us, but we can do this!!

I send this with much love, concern, comiseration and understanding.

Love,
Cindi

[garden girl]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

Thanks Cindi I have to believe that this time I will make it and stop drinking, I just so wish that I didnt feel as guilty as I do and that my husband could see it alittle bit differently. But I know that is not going to happen, my counsellor that I am seeing says to totally ignore what he says and just focus on what I need to do to recover, I agree its just that today I feel totally consumed with guilt as he has told me it is entirely my fault and I have destroyed our marriage, our children and our family life. I just wish he didnt feel like that.

[garden girl]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

Sorry well done on your 6 days:h

[janka]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

your advisor is right ... don't listen to your husband ... he is dragging you down when you need to be lifted up ... come here instead ... be strong ... avoid alcohol ... opt for improvement not perfection ... be patient and do not be impatient with time ... post often and follow the other guidelines provided by this program ... talk to you soon, j

[Cinders]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

Garden Girl,

The guilt is a tough one. All of us drinking moms deal with that.

But, as I said, at this point you need to concentrate on what you want and need to do. YOU, because if you don't take care of you, you won't be able to take care of anyone else.

Thanks on the day 6, but actually I think I made it through day 5 and working on 6. :H

Deep breaths. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Whew. Sometimes hanging on by the fingernails, girl!!

Sounds like you have a great councillor. That is going to help a lot!! and she is right, ignore the husband's pressure, it is not going to help. All needs to come from within.

And of course, you have all of us!! :h

Cindi

[beatle]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

I can also relate. Especially with the guilt (even when not deserved, we tend to take it on ourselves anyway). It is so hard for others (i.e people without an alcohol problem) to fathom how hard it is for us, and how much we also suffer. I am AF now, but by husband once made a remark about my past drinking, saying something like "While you were partying..." I got so angry (even though it was a joke), because I wanted so desperately to be free of alcohol's grip, I WAS NOT enjoying myself at all. Anyway, I guess I just meant to say I relate.

Otherwise, there has already been lots of good advice here. So just keep on trying. We're all here for you.

[retteacher]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

Dear GG: I'm sorry! I started this thread not realizing that you did too. Good luck w/all your struggles. Mary

[garden girl]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

I am just sat here crying, I am so sorry to my girls, they have just put their arms around me and said its ok. But its not ok, I dont know how to get any strength to do this because I feel so guilty. I just wish I could turn the clock back 5 years and not hurt them, my beautiful girls I am so sorry.

[janka]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

It is defiinitely okay ... they want you to be better more than anything else ... they are resilient ... move ahead with them ... they will look out for you too ... they love you more than anything .... don't ever forget that. What a gift to them if mom feels better!!!! They will be so, so very, very relieved. Chin up ... forget the guilt .... mone ahead not backwards.

[Riker]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

GG, I feel your pain. My situation is different and I am lucky that I have a supportive wife who understands this is something that I have to deal with and she is there when I need her. But I do understand the constant internal battles, the guilt when we falter etc..

We are all here for you, yes it is very hard, but as you know, it must be done. It's a cliche, but it does get easier after the first week or so.

Hang in there. you can do it.
Riker

[garden girl]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

Thankyou everyone for your kind words I really do want to get this sorted and will do my best . Catch up later GGxx

[roxane]

NEWBIES IN NEED DAY 27 HELP

just responded to your post to a newbie (CTG) and hadnt read this. you must get at least the kudzu and l-glut, you can take up to 3000mgs of each daily. an all round vit sup and vit b wouldnt go amiss either.

others are right, hard as it is, do not let your husband trip you up with emotional blackmail. he must be hurting and feeling let down by your actions, but he is doing the same for you. by getting sober for your own good, you are by default, making things better between him and you. go deaf when he talks about the children, he is making it harder for you when he does. you feel guilty enough without him trying to use them to get you sober.
i (obviously) dont know him, but i imagine he is pulling out all the stops to 'shock' you into not drinking. unfortunately, he is going about it the wrong way.
thinking of you :h

roxane