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[Benno]

Hi everyone,

I have spent the last few hours reading through people's accounts of the efforts they are making to try to stay sober and it's inspired me to properly have a go at it.

I'm 36 and I think ever since I got to university as a 17 year old, I gradually starting losing control of aspects of my life. I have somehow managed to hold onto my career, but I would say it wont last if I continue to follow the path I have. If I'm honest I would say every second week I drink and smoke cigarettes to excess one day mid week and then every week I do the same both on Friday and Saturday night. When I drink mid week I dont eat and would have a 6 pack of beer and 2 bottles of red wine + a pack of cigarettes (I dont smoke when not drinking). I just sit down out in the backyard in an arm chair and reflect on what went wrong in my last relationship which ended 2 years ago now. I chain smoke, drink quickly and then I either turn up to work looking (and feeling) terrible, or I dont turn up at all, which leads to guilt.

The week before last, I got drunk Wednesday, Thursday (missing both Thursday and Friday at work) , Friday and Saturday. When I get drunk on the weekends I catch up with friends and think it would be a good way to meet someone. Normally, however, I end up just getting drunk. I'm usually preoccupied with where my next drink and smoke are coming from and cant calm down and have decent conversations. The next day is a write off after a 4 am finish and then it starts again and I cant sleep on Sunday night and turn up tired and unmotivated on Monday morning for work.

This last weekend I went away with my best mates interstate. We had a boys trip ... boozy Friday and Friday night, Saturday and Saturday night. Sunday was a beautiful spring day but we were so hung over, we just stayed inside and then got on the plane, totally out of it and I could barely breathe properly due to the smokes.

I said on Saturday night to my best friend that I'd had enough. My therapist wanted to work out if I was bipolar or my down moods were just a function of 3 binge sessions a week. He said I need to give up for 3 months to work this out.

I'm determined to give it a go and have no problems now in accepting that I have a big problem with alcohol. However, those urges I will feel on Friday after work (if not before) will be tough to ignore. I think I would like to try some of the medication recommended on this site. What do people think?

It has been 2 days.

Benno

[retteacher]

Just found this site

Dear Benno: I've been a member of MWO since April & was drinking a big bottle of wine 3 - 5 times per week (at least). I've now been alcohol free since July 10th & have not felt this well in many a year. Keep coming. Mary

[Benno]

Just found this site

retteacher;185756 wrote: Dear Benno: I've been a member of MWO since April & was drinking a big bottle of wine 3 - 5 times per week (at least). I've now been alcohol free since July 10th & have not felt this well in many a year. Keep coming. Mary

Thanks Mary, I will. Am planning to come straight home each night including Friday and visit. I think I'll book to see my GP about Topomax tomorrow.

[Cinders]

Just found this site

Benno,

Many people do well with the meds and many do well without the meds. It is up to you.

I do know it is difficult and you need to figure out some sort of plan to get through the "witching hours" of when you normally drink. Perhaps a movie instead of sitting around? Or some other activity.

It sounds trite but if you can get your mind onto something else, it does help.

Also, as difficult as this may sound, at first you may need to avoid hanging with the drinking buddies. At least until you get your mind around what and how you are going to deal with those situations.

Anyway, just want to say :welcome: and good luck with this journey. It is not easy.

Cindi

[Cinders]

Just found this site

But it is definitely doable and worth doing!!

[Benno]

Just found this site

Thanks Cindi,

My best friend who I went away with said he would give up for 3 months as well if it would help me. I actually think he needs to give up for his own reasons and as much as I appreciated the gesture, I said he needed to make that decision for himself. Either way, I can drop around there and know they wont expect me to drink and that will be fine.

Your advice is very insightful and I've actually decided to retire from a sport I play here after 17 years, because I associate drinking with the culture of the club. There is one other friend who I know is going to put alot of pressure on me to catch up midweek to get drunk, but I'm just going to tell him what I'm doing and that he should go home to his family anyway.

I really do enjoy listening to music, reading and watching movies.

I guess I worry about not having a social outlet ... not meeting people, but it's not really a focus at the moment.

Thanks again,

Ben

[beatle]

Just found this site

Welcome Ben. It sounds like you are very motivated, determined, and realistic about what you are doing. Obviously, the right time has come for you. Nobody is pushing you into this, you are doing it for yourself, which gives you a much better chance at success.

Also, since you have been having AF (alcohol-free) days in between the drinking, you will probably be able to handle this physically as well. (Many members drank/drink every single day for very long periods, which can mean awful withdrawals, but I'm guessing you won't have that.)

Regardless, there are going to be a lot of tough times, and the meds have helped a lot of people (see the meds forum, Topamax, Campral... for tons of good information). What seems to be one of the most important factors is the support we all get and give to each other here. So explore the site and keep posting.

Best of luck to you.

[Benno]

Just found this site

Hi Beatle,

Thanks for your welcome. Having read through quite a few posts, you're absolutely right, the support provided here by lots of people is uplifting.

I look forward to providing support for people here once I've been on for a while.

It's true that I have AF days and always have, although those days are about recovery. Right now I have no urge to drink and I am as motivated as I ever have been to give up. However the binge sessions I have referred to, usually 3 times a week, have cost me relationships, friends, respect at work and countless other important things ... I am sure other members are familiar with this.

I usually feel by Wednesday at work, maybe by around 4pm, that I'll start feeling urges to drink. Rationally I will say no, but the compulsion has proven to be overwhelming. I'm not sure if this is the result of physical withdrawal, but I have been binge drinking midweek ever since I worked in London as a 26 year old. So for 10 years there have been 3 binge sessions (including Fri and Sat) a week which usually start at 6pm and end up finishing anywhere from 1-6am.

I suppose will power and doing it by myself have not worked for me to this point. I have a very good feeling about this community and the support it offers.

I think combining the support with Topamax and the supplements might be a good idea as well because my previous partners have commented in the change in my eyes when I get the urge to drink and then when I actually start. They have said my pupils dilate as though I was on something illegal.

I hope everyone else is doing well

[Finding My Self]

Just found this site

Hi Benno

Welcome! You sound a really aware and switched on guy to me....stay that way and your woman is out there for you! (That's motivation for you!!! But I mean it.) Make sure you have a very strong plan to put in place when you don't drink those times... nature abhors a vaccuum and will always fill it with the easiest thing - our habits!! SO, time to make new ones. Say no to the old and firmly carry out the new...over and over and over again until...

Good good luck and look forward to hearing how you're doing....come here LOADS....you can't hold a can and type - wrecks the poota!!!

All the very best
Finding xx

[Flip]

Just found this site

Welcome Benno, we Aussies are about to take over this site!

I've tried both Naltrexone and Campral but Campral was the best one for me. I've been sober for 9 months next week after 10 years of solid drinking (1-2 bottles a night x 7 days). This place is a wonderful source of information and there's always someone to talk to.

F.

[beatle]

Just found this site

Obsessions

I agree with the good o'l foot finder (and Flip, of course. Nobody dares disagree with Flip).

The habit changing bit is ever so important. I am not able to change my basic routines because I have a flock to take care of and my own job. But what I've done is to find something else to obsess about, which is nutrition. I have a strict (and slightly time-consuming) supplement regime, and I plan and write down all meals and what I make and eat. This happened naturally as I quit alcohol and was looking for ways to heal my body and feel better. Now I realise in some ways this has replaced my previous planning of when and where to get my alcohol (secretly), where to hide it and how and when to drink it.

Some people become exercise maniacs (wish I could do that), others get deep into their hobbies. Anyway, it might not be necessary for you, as you seem to not be quite so obsessed as many of us here, but as Footsie says, a plan for the time you usually drink is a must.

On another subject, since you were taking AF days in between, your "withdrawal" will still be easier than if you never got completely sober. Your body knows how to detox itself, it just has to stay that way now. Good luck. You seem well on your way, at least mentally.https://www.mywayout.org/community/im...s/thumbsup.gif

[beatle]

Just found this site

Oh yeh, forgot to mention the MWO obsession. It's killing me. I need to start tapering, as cold turkey would be too painful.

[Benno]

Just found this site

Flip;186277 wrote: Welcome Benno, we Aussies are about to take over this site!

I've tried both Naltrexone and Campral but Campral was the best one for me. I've been sober for 9 months next week after 10 years of solid drinking (1-2 bottles a night x 7 days). This place is a wonderful source of information and there's always someone to talk to.

F.

Hi Flip, thanks for the welcome! It's great to hear that you're doing so well and thanks for the advice. I'd agree, there will be more Aussies on this site, given how big a part of our culture it is ... although that isn't me trying to pass the buck for my own situation.

I ordered the book, cds and the vitamins + supplements today. I thought, that's a bit of cash but i worked out I spend at least that amount every 9-14 days on alcohol at this point. Anyhow, the pack is going to take a couple of weeks to get here, but I'll make an appointment to see a doctor tomorrow regarding the medication. I've looked around and people have different preferences, so it will be a case of seeing how it goes.

It has been very refreshing knowing that everyone has had similar experiences and that you can have a chat whenever you feel like it

[Cinders]

Just found this site

Ben,

Just to add my recent experience. My doctor put me on Campral AND Naltrexone.

The results are fabulous!! I actually sat down yesterday with my daughter, who drinks quite a bit, and had lunch. She consumed a shot of tequila and two glasses of wine.

I drank iced tea.

Did I want the wine? YOU BET. But for the first time in a long time, I was able to just say no.

I then flew to St. Louis and the only place open to eat in the hotel was the bar. Had a nice dinner and (you guessed it) iced tea!!

So, it seems that the Campral and or Naltrexone are helping.

Just a bit of truth here, I did have cravings but I was able to stomp'em back.

Best of luck,
Cindi

[Benno]

Just found this site

Hi Beatle,

You and Footsie Finder make good points about me needing to work on a plan for the times when I usually drink.

In the past I've usually started running and excercising just about every day after work. I'll plan every dinner I'm going to cook for the week ahead and also exactly what lunch I'm going to take into work. Last time I tried to manage my drinking I said to myself I could only drink on Saturdays and do all the excercise etc.

This worked for 3 weeks, although I still binged on Saturday nights. I then had an event on a Friday night and I said, I'll just swap nights, but then I drank both nights and I was too hungover to go shopping. This ruined my routine and I was back to square 1.

This time I have to abstain, because one night a week didn't work last time and anyhow, I couldn't drink in moderation as I was hoping I would. In terms of obsessive behaviour, I had a bad gambling problem for about 4 years but I haven't gambled for 2 years. My therapist helped me get through this, but I couldnt nail the alcohol problem.

Anyhow, in taking your advice, I'll go for a run and make dinner tomorrow night. I feel very relaxed just listening to music (Eric Clapton ironically right now) and reading other people's entries here and so after dinner I'll log in. Friday and Saturday nights will be the next big challenges and I'll need to work on that. I think I'll see a film on Saturday night. Thanks for the warning!

My book and supplements dont arrive for 2 weeks and I'm not sure when I'll get any medication but I'm determined to be AF until then. I guess it's nearly been 3 days, so 2 AF days at this stage.

Thanks for your help and support and I am sure you have things under control and i hope things are going well for you. I dont think it's too bad to be obsessive about this site!

Ben