Hi - I'm new at this

[Coshadow]

I'll just jump right in. My 17 yo son has had drug/pot addiction and has been in many treatment modalities for the last 3 years. He has worked very hard and is a member of NA and just celebrated 6 months clean. This morning I noticed some wine was missing from an opened bottle in the refrigerator. When I confronted him with my findings, he admitted to taking a vicadin with the wine. We have been through this before but I can't help feeling responsible because there was wine in the house.

When he was first in recovery, we threw away any alcohol and locked up any cold medicine or potential inhalants in the house. Pot and prescription drugs are his DOC, he doesn't like alcohol. As his recovery continued, he got back some privileges and we relaxed our ban on wine in the house.

My husband and I come from family's that drank significantly. We do not drink like they did but we enjoy having a bottle of wine together to relax.

I think it is time we stop drinking wine because we are setting a bad example.
I think it will be hard because my husband has a very stressful job and doesn't have a lot of time for relaxation. Wine is a quick way to relax and get to sleep, and also a bad habit.

I liked this site because there are no labels. I want to stop for my health also. I'm 50 and things are already going south, if you know what I mean, I don't want to accelerate the process.

[lushy]

Hi - I'm new at this

Hi Coshadow, just wanted to say welcome! This is a great place, and if you feel that keeping wine out of your house is something you should do we are here to support you. I am also wishing the best for your son.

[janka]

Hi - I'm new at this

Hi Coshadow, and welcome. This is truly a great and blessed place with loads of friendship, support and inspiration ... and no harsh judgment. I wish you and your son only the best, and this is a great place to get rejuvinated and healthy, j

[Chief]

Hi - I'm new at this

Hi Coshadow and Welcome, It probably would be best to not have any temptations in the house right now. We wish you the best with your son and if you need to talk someone is always here. It might even help if your son wanted to just look around and read the experiences some of us have had, and if he wanted to post, that would be up to him. Good Luck... Don

[Kyna]

Hi - I'm new at this

A big welcome Coshadow!

It sounds like your intuition is right about the wine. My MO was also pot, and when I finally walked away from it and detoxed, I came home and thought: well that's my addiction taken care of. Big mistake! I then went on to develop a major problem with drinking, and eight months later after daily bourbons and wine I ended up back in detox - and learnt about cross-addiction ...

It seems that most people with addiction problems will find something else to addict to if their primary substance is withdrawn. That's certainly been my experience.

Best of luck with your son. He's lucky to have such an aware Mum.

[Coshadow]

Hi - I'm new at this

thank you Kyna. was afraid that no one was there. I am really in pain, I told my husband about my son's relapse and he went to bed. I feel so alone. My son went to a NA friends house and I am drinking too much wine.

[Kyna]

Hi - I'm new at this

Coshadow,
There's no getting away from it, addiction is a hard thing to deal with it - for those in it, and outside it. No wonder you're hitting the wine. Have hope. Most of us seem to have an innate desire to heal, esp. if we're offered a lifeline.

I have two grown step-children, as well as a 9 and 6 yr old. I understand the guilt that we take on as parents, but the bottom line is that no-one can do it for us. Help your son where you can, but try not to take it on beyond that.

Hang in there. There's lots of support here.

[Coshadow]

Hi - I'm new at this

thank you.

[beatle]

Hi - I'm new at this

Hello there. There is also a forum for family members affected by drinking that might be of interest to you. Of course you are welcome here and on all of the forums and we all like to help each other in their different situation. welcome.

[Lotus]

Hi - I'm new at this

Coshadow

Welcome to MWO.

I agree that there are no labels with this site, just a load of helpful and supportive people.

I use to find any excuse just to have a drink. I used to justify it to myself and drink, but then wake up in the morning feeling guilty. Unfortunately alcohol tends to be a depressant, but there are other ways to relax in the evening. It's a habit that needs to change. However it is entirely your choice how you decide to quit on alcohol. You could just moderate or make a decision not to drink at home.

As regards for your son, you really are an amazing mother. My husband smokes pot and even during his unemployment he insisted on spending money we couldn't afford on it. In the end he would go sulking to his mother who would give him the money to buy it. What my mother-in-law was doing was encouraging him to continue to smoke, but you are supporting your son to get clean and to look towards the future.

Hope to hear more from you.

Mandy x

[Coshadow]

Hi - I'm new at this

Thank you all for the support. For the first time, I don't feel alone or judged. I'm just finding my way around this site, so any suggestions you have would be great. Great suggestion beatle, thanks

[Coshadow]

Hi - I'm new at this

Thank you all for your advice. I'm just learning about this site and the MWO philosophy. It makes a lot of sense to me. For the first time I'm not alone.

[Mags]

Hi - I'm new at this

Hi Coshadow
I'm so glad you found us. I hope we can be of some help. We will certainlyl try. Definitely no labels here.
I'm sorry I got in on this one late - I am always so busy trying to keep up on the boards.
I'm hearing a lot of different things here.
I am hearing that you are under great stress due to your son's relapse and are drinking wine to deal with it - take a close look at your own behavior. Should you be drinking to deal with stress. What example is that setting for your son.
I am hearing that your son may be doing some cross-addiction stuff and should be (for now) probably in a house free of pain meds, alcohol, etc. That means you and hubby will have to make sacrifices once again for the sake of your son - but it is his life you are trying to save.
I am also hearing that your husband has stress at work and is using alcohol to reduce it at home - something that is perfectly natural and normal and acceptable. But maybe not such a good thing to do in front of your son who has to learn to deal with stress in a non-chemical way. You need to talk to your husband and yourself about finding alternatives to stress management to help your son and yourselves. Exercise, stuff like that can be enormously helpful and is much better.
I see this as a family issue. I know you all love your son and each other. You obviously care deeply for him and have already done so much to help him. You are an understanding and forgiving and wonderful mother. Unfortunately it may take more time and effort to help your son through this terrible disease called addiction. Please be patient and please do all you can to take care of you, your son and your husband.

Please post as often as you want to and let us help if we can.

Good luck to you.