quickly running out of options

[littleOne]

Hi there,

Im an irish girl based in London. 24.
its taken alot for me to get here. But i really need some help. i come from a long line of alcoholics and my father in particular is an extreme alcoholic, which contributed to the breakdown of my parents marriage.
anyway, my siblings and I really cannot handle alcohol very well. My brother who is 21 has actually stopped drinking completely.
unfortunately due to my lifestyle, I'm not sure if i can do that.
I'm a really social person, and involved in loads of activities, not just pub based ones.
My problem is this: i can go for a few weeks, go out, get tipsy, stop come home and its fine.
But then there are the nights when i get completely wasted and can't remember a single thing, how i get home, just wake in bed. And usually have to ring my best friend, who then recounts how we got home (usually him having to carry me into a taxi, after i've thrown a strop at him for no reason whatsoever).
So i embarked on a 'controlled drinking' experiment...ie. that i would limit myself to five bottles. this worked for a while. but then last night, i just got totally wasted. my friend who had already left had to come back to get me ( another friend felt that i was far too drunk) and then took him hours to get me home, cause i was so drunk that no cab would take us. BTW i don't rem any of this. he had to tell me.
I'm relatively successful in other ways. I hold down a good job, don't really drink during the week, but get periods where i binge drink myself into oblivion. its horrifically embarassing.
I suffer from quite bad depression and have had some fairly traumatic experiences, childhood, and relationship things to deal with. But i don't go out with the intention of getting drunk. And i've had quite extensive therapy, so i dont feel the drinking is related to that.
but jesus.
i'm just feeling so ashamed right now. what am i going to do?:new: :new:

[ducky]

quickly running out of options

Irish Girl,

Don't be ashamed! That is why all of us are here. And most of us were not smart enough to stop so early in our lives.

Have you read the book or gotten the supps?

I think it's a great step that you are here and although it is slower on the weekends, you will certainly get lots of advice from some of the members who have made amazing progress.

Hang in there and keep posting. You are young and you can change this.

[pansy]

quickly running out of options

Hey Little One,

It sounds to me like you do have a problem, if you are drinking so much that you cannot remember the next day. Binge drinking is fairly common among younger folks (and quite a few of us who never outgrew it). Binge drinking can most definitely turn into daily drinking, regardless of how well you think you are controlling it now (not during the week, etc.).

I also would not assume that there are no underlying issues that may be contributing to your drinking so much. Even if you had extensive therapy, the issues that you mentioned are the kinds that pop up throughout our lives. What you thought you had "dealt" with may come back and impact your life in different ways. Most of us who come here find that when our drinking decreases, or stops, there are still leftover psychological things we must work on.

Read through the site. There is a lot of information here. If you choose to work this program, you will find that it is very helpful. Some members are able to moderate from the start, but the program recommends being alcohol free for 30 days. Many of us have found that we cannot moderate. It sounds like you have a good start if you can go weeks without a drink. Yet, it seems like once you start you can't stop - and that is a huge problem.

Don't be ashamed - you are here to fix the problem. Lots of folks here know exactly what you are talking about. Keep coming to the site and reading.


Welcome - post and read, post and read ...
Pansy

[littleOne]

quickly running out of options

thanks

wow,
thanks for the quick replies.
I can't really talk about this with my friends (though a couple of them have expressed concern) because everybody gets smashed at weekends. just not like i do. and some of them wouldn't consider it to be a problem, just funny. Recently I've gotten myself into some really nasty situations and am increasingly concerned about that. I'm just terrified of turning into my father!
but at the same time, my goal is to become a social drinker. or know my limit and know when to stop. i clearly don't. the worst part is that i'm a friendly, outgoing person. I don't even need to alcohol to particularly have a good time. and every single person i know has seen the wretched mess i become when i binge. that is not what i want people to think of me.
i haven't read the book, or taken the supps. don't even know where to start.
with the book I guess. how does the program even work?
I'm extremely sceptical about aa, or 12step based programs because of the 'spiritual' aspect involved, and so i'm really hoping this isn't like that?
I'm quite concerned about getting meds though...my work requires that i need lots of health clearances and regular checks and I don't really want that on my record. any ideas?
in the meantime til i get the book, is the 30day alcohol free the best way to start out?

[Mike R.]

quickly running out of options

Hi little girl...
I've been drunk since I don't know when...
But I found this site, and these people are amazing,
know what you're going through and realy want to help..
I wish you the best of luck!!! And don't be bashfull to post about anything!

[Guest]

quickly running out of options

Hi littleOne and welcome.
As ducky and pansy have already said, you have no need to feel ashamed here.......you should feel proud that you are addressing your drinking at such a young age, unlike most of us, who are considerably older when we confront our excessive drinking.

And I bet some of your friends drink every bit as much as you, yet choose to continue as they consider they`re having fun.......hardly fun if you can`t recall the events of the night before...........I know that feeling only too well, having been there.

This is a brilliant site.......has changed so many lives.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[Mike R.]

quickly running out of options

I've had so many blackouts it's not even funny!!!!!

[pansy]

quickly running out of options

Hi Little One,

Many folks on this site have worked this program without going to the doctor to get medications. Or, they have chosen alternate means of obtaining medications because they are concerned about having a record of substance abuse. It seems like folks in the UK have more trouble getting recommended medications, but maybe that is changing now. We have lots of folks from the UK here and I am sure they will be able to give you lots of country-specific info.

The book, My Way Out by Roberta Jewell, can be downloaded and printed out if you visit the store. There you will also find supplements that are recommended. Many members report that L-Glutamine and Kudzu are very helpful to them. Although I don't take Kudzu, most of the folks who do use it have told me that it is important to get high quality Kudzu. The stuff I bought in my local health store was not helpful to me, but a lot of folks here swear by it. They buy from the store here because the Kudzu is of excellent quality. The stuff I had probably wasn't any good!

You will find some members here who also go to AA, but this program tends to fit all. There is no requirement to adhere to a set of spiritual beliefs.

Best to you,
Pansy

[littleOne]

quickly running out of options

i really am feeling a bit more hopeful now. and will be asking for lots of help and tips. how do i even start?
do i tell my friends?
i've come through a lot of stuff and have mostly dealt with it alone (i'm not being dramatic when is say that....was beaten up my dad as a kid, emotionally abusive mother who was recently diagnosed as schizophrenic, not particularly close to my siblings tho i do try..was raped when i was 17 and my long-term boyfriend turned out to be a complete psycho who is in prison for 7 years for brutally raping a girl)
I've managed all this and my friends are constantly 'praising my strength'...but i just don't think i'm going to be able to get through this one on my own.......

[Mike R.]

quickly running out of options

Going to chat... come along.. c ya there..

[Andy1111]

quickly running out of options

Let go. Just for a few months. You can do it. For me, it took about 90 days and the obsession to drink is leaving fast. You have to give yourself a chance. You deserve it. You deserve to be in control of your own life. Millions have done it. Some probably worse off then you; let that inspire you. Good luck.

[OverIt2007]

quickly running out of options

Hi LittleOne. I can totally relate. Having blackouts is a very scary thing, I used to get them all the time. Its good that you are realizing how dangerous that can be. Just think what might happen if your friends are not around to take care of you? I know, very scary stuff. Try to get some help before this happens to you again. This site is great, and the people here are very understanding and caring.

[Beaches]

quickly running out of options

Littleone,
You are not alone now. You have been through so much and know that we are here 24/7.
I wish you the very best in whatever you choose is right for you.

[littleOne]

quickly running out of options

kay, feeling very messed up right now.
I've decided I'm going to give up booze for a few weeks, until I can reassess the situation and see where I'm at.
I'm able to do that...its not that i'm worried about, its more what'll happen in a few weeks when i do actually start drinking again.
anyway, feeling ok, being cycling to work, getting excercise eating well. Housemate offered me a beer this evening which I refused.. Didn't realise how hard I find it. I think its a mixture of the alcohol and also the social sitting around, guess alcohol has become more of a crutch for me than i thought.
Anyhow, was talking to my best mate this evening. the one who generally sees me in all my drunken glory and usually brings me home. Not that he doesn't get smashed too. He totally does...just always managaes to get himself home ok. and he doesn't feel as terrible about it as me.
so...he's asked me to keep my drinking in check 'for my own sake' yesterday. then calls me this evening, telling me all about this house he went to see as he's house hunting and the flatmates and how cool they were. and a little bit older. And how at first they didn't think he was enough of a party animal for them. and she actually asked how much alcohol he drinks....and wait for it, he seemed to think that was cool.
was bowled over by the fact that 'she's prob a bit of an alcoholic like hahahaha'.
i felt so hurt. not by him. just in general. why the f**k do i have to be such an abnormal drunk?
and when he moves in there, how am i going to fit in with that kind of thing?
its just such a load of b*ll*x.
i really feel so angry right now

[Andy1111]

quickly running out of options

Nothing wrong with being an alcoholic. We can be great people, too. It's just like having asthma or diabetes. You just have to take your medicine. Talk to other drunks. I strongly suggest AA. It was my last hope and it saved me. Good luck!