hi

[Floss]

Hi

This is my first time writing, although I have been 'lurking' around for a while. Actually I would like to say thankyou to all those people who have been writing because unexpectedly reading your messages has helped me to feel less alone and less guilty about ... ))

I have been trying to change my ways for about 10 years now without much luck. I'm 36, married 2 years, no kids and spent 9 years as a singleton in London with a great career lots of friends and drinking drinking drinking. I've put on 50 pounds, moved back to Oz and don't feel that great about myself. I have stopped working and spend most days on my own. My husband is hopeful that I will give up although he rarely gets home before 9.30pm I am free to drink as much as I like.

Obviously I would like things to be different, and I feel that writing here is a significant step towards that. I am however concerned about whether I have really made the decision. Does anyone else feel like this? I love wine, it is my friend and there are times when I would rather have wine than my husband.

I have ordered the Topo, tried Campal a couple of years ago and had no results at all (but then I kept drinking!).

Anyway, I am hopeful, based on everyones messages that things can get better. My best thoughts for all of you, and if you haven't been sure whether you want to give up, but still done it, I would love to hear your story.

Floss
xxxx

[cd771]

hi

Hi Floss. I'm also 36, married w/o kids and love wine. I live in Chicago. We actually recently won 'best binge city' in the US. It's easy to understand as there are bars everywhere and you can walk or take a cab so don't even need to worry about driving. Welcome and I hope you can find what you are looking for here.:welcome:

[Mike R.]

hi

Hi Floss, welcome,
I recently found out that I'm not alose as well, and your definately not alone here...everyone cares... I've just started the jurney towords getting AF, and no, I wasn't sure I wanted to quit... we all had thoughts like "what am I gonna do whith my time", "I'm so boreing when I'm not drinking", and of course like the buzz... and life just won't look the same whithout it...that's true... it'll look better... good you're comeing here though..keep reading and posting, ppl here are very incouraging and inspireing...

wish you the best of luck, you can do it if you want it...stick around, eventually you'll want it... best of luck and God bless...

[Guest]

hi

Hi Floss and welcome.

Glad lurking on the site has allowed you to feel that you are not alone with your problem and has appeased your guilt. You are among like people at M.W.O. who completely understand where you`re coming from.

When I first came to M.W.O., I wasn`t truly ready to quit........so I didn`t. My attitude was very defiant and I was determined that I could successfully moderate my drinking.........that particular stunt of mine lasted all of 6 wks., by which time I was back drinking just as much as before. So, I then felt that my only option was to quit........I am now 37 days sober.

Like yourself, I was a wine lover.......drank every night. I still miss my wine..........I just don`t feel any great "need" of it anymore. It does get easier as each day passes, yet requires enormous commitment every single day.

My life has changed a great deal in just a few short weeks of being sober........I`ve suddenly found the drive to do some of the things I`ve always wanted to do, yet never gotten around to, due to being so steeped in booze in the past.

I think your change in lifestyle and relocating has probably caused you to seek solace in the drink. Your life in London was very different to the one you lead now and your husband not returning home `til late every evening isn`t really helping matters.

I think it would benefit you to get out of the house.........get a job.......join a gym.......a class........whatever.........anything really, that will allow you to connect with others and fill up your life with things and people other than the booze.

I was very much like yourself, stuck at home with only my wine for company. I knew I really needed to "get a life" and quitting has allowed me the freedom to do just that.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[Going Strong]

hi

Hello!

Hi Floss,
Listen to starlight! I so know what you mean! My first husband used to work 2 jobs so never got home before 10pm, so what is a girl to do? to keep her company?
Tough call and it will require strength on your part but my suggestion is to keep busy.
Join a gym or get on the phone and rack up a bill! (my personal favourite) otherwise try to think of anything that you have a leaning for like art, drawing exercise etc and follow that.
We are all here for you.....OK anybody here will listen, so talk to us!
You are not alone.
Get the supps they are great, some meds are not available here in aus but some have been lucky!
Private message me anytime!
Much Love

[janka]

hi

Hi Floss and welcome ... this place is truly a godsend for me ... so many smart, inspirational and supportive people who help you along. Take good care, read and post ... we'll be looking out for you

[Ishybit]

hi

Hello Floss, I know exactly what you mean... I've been lurking around here for a while now. I think the reason I haven't posted is due to the lack of mental commitment, "I love my wine too" but it's the same vicious cycle, wake up feeling like crap, guilty etc... but by PM the reflex/switch flips and I grab the bottle of wine. I've been drinking for many years and I know I need to do something about it. AAAgh!

[Bella]

hi

Hello and welcome Floss. There have been many times when I would also rather have wine than my husband!!!!!! But the wine had to go in the end. It has been a good decision but its always a struggle not to drink to excess. You are right, wine seems like a friend but I could never stop at 2!!! I think you will find lots of support here in whatever you decide to do. No one will judge as we have all been there. All the best to you and keep posting. Bella xxxxx

[beatle]

hi

Welcome Floss and Ishybit.

I can relate to what you are saying. I suggest you think of your health and try to do a 30-day stint without alcohol (which is what the MWO book recommends-- btw, you really must read it if you haven't already. It is easy to read and you will see the author is very much like you-- she just wanted control over the drinking, not a stop to it, and you will see how she accomplished that).

After that you can decide what you want to do -- moderate? Stay abstinent? You don't have to commit right now. Just take it slowly and see what feels best for you. And keep coming back here. The more the merrier...

[betty boop]

hi

Hi Floss and Ishybit :welcome: to MWO.

Ditto on what everyone else has said!!! You really CAN do this, MWO is the best place ever ....

[julie001]

hi

Hi and welcome. This is a great place to find support. Don't think of your time spent reading posts as "lurking". It's kinda hard to jump in when there are alot of people here who have have a history together (logging on here). I've been here for over a year and don't have the same connection as some members because they chat, private message, and some have even travelled to meet, and that's just fine. I's wonderful that they have been able to make that connection to one another.

This environment is the safest haven I can imagine if you need to talk honestly about alcohol addiction.. Hang in there in. It takes a while for someone that is new to this website to feel comfortable. It's a little scary being "the new kid on the block". At first, every time you post, you will wonder why there weren't more replies. Aren't they suppose to be giving me feed back and inviting me into this progam? It's kind of like that junior high feeling of the need for acceptance. So many people here talk outside the realm of a "newbie", but in the long run, if you keep coming back here, you will discover that you will become one "the regulars" for a group of people who share a common problem--alcohol abuse, this environment is the safest,healthiest, cyber-environment you will find.

While I have been here, I have heard of several members who have really gotten control of their lives again. You're adjusting to marriage. So am I, three years later. This is my second marriage. I was single for five years, and even while I was married to my first husband, I learned how to live my own live. When I was single, I had even more fun, but I always was panicked that I might not find the "right one". I remarried--happily. It's better in some regards because he's so much more respectful and considerate of family responsiblities, but ironically, it's hard not to miss certain aspects of single life that we really never appreciated while we were single. Maybe that comes from not being so young when your married for the first time or this time. Crucial to you will be that this is not about your husband. You create what is good in your life. Life should feel good. I hope this post made you feel more welcome here. It's a comforting, familiar place when you know that know one else could possible understand what you're going through. Good luck. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Julie

[Finding My Self]

hi

Hi Floss. Welcome! :welcome:

Julie's put it so well....I hope you'll feel less nervous really soon. Nobody bites here!

Oh I so remember saying that wine was my only friend....I am really lonely where I live and I miss my family so much. So I remember clearly looking down the bottle and actually saying it was the only thing I could trust to 'be there for me' when I needed it.

Looking there now I feel sad still. And really sad that I should have thought that. It it isn't a friend - it's a taker not a giver. One of those 'friends' we all have from time to time in life and then we wake up and see their manipulative ways.....

After about 14 days I began to realise it and see how life wasdefinitely taking a turn for the better. I can now just live with the sadness of having to call friends by phone and chat until such time as I can move back nearer them. (I didn't before coz it sort of emphasised the distance between us but that was counter-productive big time!!)


The 14 (and since) days happened just one at a time - never looking further forward than I wont have a drink today (or in the next five minutes even!!) Then it began to make more sense and now I realise it's 1am and I'm still TV watching or here at MWO (playing with the 'smilies' here can take a night of fun!) or on the phone or doing something in the house and I've not thought about wine... I'd have been fast asleep (?!?! asleep?!?!) before by about 10 and missed so much...

I hope you can make friends with 'other substances'!! I didn't like juices or coffee or just about anything else but now I do....mixing cocktails out of weird and wonderful, not necessarily 'healthy' thing at first (coffee etc) can takes hours of silly fun!!! I covered everything in 'squirty' (aerosol)cream for a while.............who cares, sod it, it wasn't booze!!! And I ate chocolate for the first itme in ages; I hadn't wanted sugar at all as I was getting too much from the wine but no,...it's yummy and not excessive now! Normal!! Yea!

I really hope you can find the place lots of us have found.... whether cutting down (mods)or stopping (AF)(you'll get the lingo soon!) It's amazing and I am soooooooh grateful to everyone here for sitting here typing this at 8.30am and feeling awake, not hungover or even just 'blah' (didn't realise until I didn't feel 'blah'!!!) with the day stretching ahead, sometimes alarmingly sometimes excitingly (!), but OK in the knowledge that I think I can cope/enjoy and if something crashes in to upset that (and it does!!) I can come here and receive the love and support of these amazing bods.

Good luck to you Floss............ things are on the up now!!! :goodjob:
Love
Finding xx
(101 days!!)

[Floss]

hi

thankyou

THANKYOU CD771, MIKE, STARLIGHT, SHAS, JANKA, ISHYBIT, BELLA, BEATLE AND BETTY BOOP

after I first posted I was scared to look in case any one didn't post back and you all did thankyou, thankyou thankyou, I was moved to tears to know that there were people, YOU, who, understand how I feel and where I am at. Then I was a bit freaked out. But I am back now!!! As i read each of your messages I was thinking of something I wanted to say to each of you, obviously I haven't but please know you have touched me personally.

How are each of you going? I haven't noticed any new messages from you but will be looking some more on the other messages.

I got the tam yesterday (via River Pharm for any Aus readers) and feel a bit clear headed already, I'm not AF yet, but feeling pretty good. I will definitely be ordering the book and supps (i haven't yet because i was hoping to buy them in oz and get them quicker).

lots of love and deep gratitude to you special people
floss
xxxxx

[Floss]

hi

and also Julie and Finding My Feet!!!!

I have just read your messages thanyou!!!

[Guest]

hi

Hi Floss,
Glad to see you back with us and beginning to get your head around your problem.
It can all seem a bit overwhelming initially, as we come to terms with our addiction and consider how best to address it. You`ll find all the support you need at M.W.O., Floss.

Looking forward to seeing you around the boards.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x