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    #1

    Day 2

    I drank almost every single day for 21 years. I have known for the past 10 that I have a problem. The thing is, I have been a masterful alcoholic. No DUI, no job loss, my wife loves me, my grown kids adore me. I've just managed to drink 5-10 drinks a night to stay numb. In the last two years, I have noticed the drinking start to increase and I have started to go to the vodka. I have tried to stop willingly and just can't do it.

    So a month ago I started with a therapist. I thought maybe he could help me fix the underlying problem(s) that were causing me to drink. He told me we had to fix the drinking first. He sent me to a Psychiatrist who prescribed Campral and Neltrexone.

    I had quit last Monday and made it to Friday. I attended a few AA meetings. Over the Holiday weekend I fell back into the old habit and I drank Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon and Tues. I started taking the drugs yesterday and am now in Day 2.

    So, that's my quick story. I look forward to some companionship on here. I need it bad.
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    #2
    Day 2

    Hi Bob,
    You are at the same point as I am. Your story is similar to mine. Beer is/was ruling my whole life I was out of control. You've made some great starting steps. You will not believe how many people on this board are like us and are willing to share experiences and give support. I've found people here are non-judgemental

    You have found a great place. You'll find you are not alone in doing this. I'm only at day 4 so I'm not going to be great at giving advice but I thought it would be nice to let you know there are people at the same stage as you are.

    Please be strong.
    mike

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      #3
      Day 2

      Hi Bob

      I am just starting out today, I am hoping I will stick to it. I am in the same situation as you. I drink an average of 5-8 drinks almost everyday.I will go a day or two without. But then the craving kicks in and I reach for the beer. I don't usually get drunk, but by bed time I will have a buzz. I just want to stop!

      Twosox28

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        #4
        Day 2

        Mike & twosox

        Are you guys taking meds? If so, which ones.

        I was reading some stuff yesterday about disassociating the "I want to drink" mind from the rational "I don't drink anymore" mind. The "I want to drink" mind is so cunning, it tries to "win" by getting you to drink. It will make up reasons and it acts as if you need alcohol to survive. It does anything to get you to drink. The article I was reading suggested fully recognizing the existence of "it", with "it" being the drinking mind. It is not me, but a thing and it needs to be disassociated from the self. It was suggested to tell it to go away, I don't drink anymore. Say it out loud - as goofy as that sounds.

        I myself think that I need to quit completely. The way I see it, I used up my lifetime allotment of alcohol and it's time to move on.

        My routine was usually to drink 2-3 beers after work, then split a bottle of wine with my wife. Then, 2-3 more beers after dinner while watching TV, etc...

        I otherwise take pretty good care of myself, which has been my crafty way of making everything look OK. I would go to the gym, take a really hard cycling class and then stop and buy a 16 oz beer for the drive home.

        Good luck guys. Stay in touch.

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          #5
          Day 2

          Hi Bob,
          I went to the doctor on Tuesday. I'm not a med person but I did ask for some mild tranquilizers to act as a crutch to get me through the first few nights of sleeping. I don't want to take meds as I'm afraid it would just be a transference for my problem.

          I'm not aiming for moderation as that would never work for me. If I have 2 beers I'd have 10 and that has never changed and at least now I know it never will.

          Read some of the posts on the getting started forum. It really helped me a lot. The chat rooms are great too. I'm usually on after 7:00 EST and get to talk with other people in the same boat and we tend to give each other strength and empathy.

          Best of luck.
          mike

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            #6
            Day 2

            IM, Mike, Two, sounds like you guys are all in the same boat, and believe me, it's a big boat! There are a lot of folks here who were exactly where you are. I , too, was a cunning drunk... no DUI, no legal problems, successful carreer, marriage, family, etc. But I knew I had a serious drinking problem and it just got to the point where the drinking was too much work, too much pain, too time consuming ( not to mention the $$ ). I found this site and it changed my life. It can change yours too if you want it to. There is no magic pill, you have to want it and you have to work for it.
            If you haven't read the MWO book I would recommend doing so. Keep coming on here and reading the posts and asking questions. We can help you achieve your goal. It is a lifestyle change and that sounds scary, I know , but once you make a committment and start with 1 day AF (alcohol free), which will lead to 2, and 3, you will experience a transformation that you are looking for.
            No one here will judge you, or preach to you, or beat you up. It is your choice and your life.
            The "It" you refer to some of us call "The Beast" and you are very astute in recognizing the 2 different trains of thought you have concerning drinking. One is The Beast, who wants only one thing... booze. And "it" does not care how you get it, or what it costs, or who it hurts. "It" just wants alcohol.
            The other train of thought is the real you. The logical you. The realistic you. You know what you are doing is not in your best interest. You know if you don't change, something bad is bound to happen. You know you have been fooling everyone else about the severity of your drinking. You know something has got to give.
            This is where you have a decision to make. If you want to change, we can help. We can't do it for you, but boy can we help...
            So do some soul searching and come on here and ask questions. Don't be shy or embarrassed... we have all been there, done that.
            Welcome to MWO and enjoy the ride... Don

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              #7
              Day 2

              Withdrawing

              Thanks Chief and others. It is indeed a big help to communicate on here.

              I will read the book as soon as I can get my attention span back. I went four days last week and then back on the drink for five days. I guess I figured I wouldn't withdraw since I just went though it, but it is far worse this time. I can barely concentrate, I feel like shit and this morning, I thought I saw something crawling on the floor, but it was just a knot in the pine flooring. I barely slept last night. I don't want to have to do this again ever. At least I do not have any shakes.

              As mentioned, I am on the Campral and Naltrexone, so part of this crap feeling could be some early side effects. I will stay on them because I need all the help I can get.

              I have no appetite but my stomach is growling.

              My goal will be to get through this day 2. On the plus side, my Louisville Cardinals are playing on TV tonight so I look forward to that.

              Still considering AA. I went to three meetings last week. At one of the meetings, a woman received her 30 year chip. I can't imagine going to those meetings for 30 years. So for now, it's one day at a time and I will keep thinking about AA.

              Bob

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                #8
                Day 2

                Hello Im2bob. Just read your post and wanted to wish you luck. Keep coming here. Its great to have others support during this struggling time. Everyone is here for you. Bella xxx

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                  #9
                  Day 2

                  Hi Bob and twosox...welcome to you both.

                  Is not an easy path we travel, but is so much easier to do it with the support of the so very many caring people at M.W.O. who are either just where you are right now, or have been there in the past.

                  It`s a wonderful site.Am sober, thanks to coming here. Anyone prepared to wholeheartedly address their drink problem will triumph over the booze.

                  Wishing you both love and strength,

                  Starlight Impress x

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                    #10
                    Day 2

                    Thanks once again for the support. Day 3 is going well. I still feel all out of sorts, can't concentrate and - it's hard to explain - but I just feel crappy. But better than yesterday. Still can't figure out if it is withdraw or side effects of the meds or both. Hopefully, its just withdraw and will go away soon.

                    The meds seem to be working as I do not think about having a drink much. The little, cunning, alcoholic beast has only been heard a couple of times and I just tell it to go away.

                    I took two benadryl last night to help me sleep and I slept pretty good. As I was trying to go to sleep, I heard a female whisper in my my head. It sounded so real. I can't even remember what the voice said. I know that sounds messed up. I've never had that happen before.

                    Going to see my daughter at college this weekend and to the Auburn football game. There will be lots of drinking going on but I don't drink with my daughter so this shouldn't be a problem.

                    Hang in there everyone and thanks for all the encouragement.

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                      #11
                      Day 2

                      You aren't messed up. When I came off of the alcohol I had 'people' whispering in my head. It was like I was standing outside of a night club or something. Withdrawal can make us feel like we are going insane but know it will subside before long. Good job on your day 3 and have a great time visiting with your daughter.

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                        #12
                        Day 2

                        You`re doing great Bob.......is worth feeling crappy for a few days to get off the drink. Keep up the good work!!!

                        Starlight Impress x

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                          #13
                          Day 2

                          Hope day 3 is going along fine Bob. The first few days are the hardest. Just hang in there and don't cave to the crave. You are at battle with the Beast but as long as you know it and recognize it you will win. Don't let the bastard get to you. Learn to visualize The Beast, make his picture ugly and mean and ruthless. Learn to hate him. He wants only one thing-booze, and he will do anything to get it, even if it kills you. Sounds drastic, I know, but you have to accept this is a battle, a battle for your life...
                          You can do this. If things get tough, get on here and post. Someone will come running to help. Don

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